Barely Lethal Page #6

Somebody wants me dead.

- We're in a car chase, Liz.

- Okay, why?

I'm not from Canada.

I'm a fugitive from

a quasi-governmental military facility

that trains child assassins.

I faked my own death, ran away,

and pretended to be an exchange student.

- I didn't know how to tell you.

- I got to get out of here.

No! Don't do that!

Why would you do that?

I don't know!

I need you to get your breathing

under control before you...

You feel better now, don't you?

Fence!

What happened?

- What are you doing?

- They'll move.

- Are you crazy?

- They'll move.

Stop!

Stay here.

Kesha.

Get armed. You've been armed.

Agent 83, I thought we were done

with each other.

She's a goddamn double agent, Hardman.

- Why do you sound so upset?

- Your protection tried to kill me.

- And what protection would that be?

- 84.

- Agent 84? You've seen her?

- Yes, I've seen her.

You assigned her to shadow me.

She tried to steal my boyfriend.

Follow the lead wire

back to the switching box.

- The red one.

- Please don't blow me up.

I did not send 84. As a matter of fact,

I thought she was dead,

- killed in action during the Knox escape.

- What?

Oh, God. This is a hell

of a state of affairs.

Just send me my gear.

I can take her out.

Oh, no, no, no, 83.

I warned you about this.

You're on your own.

- Got to go.

- Hardman, no...

- Sorry.

- And that's why we wear the suits.

Roger?

- I didn't know you were here.

- Yeah, I heard about the accident.

Thanks so much for coming.

I really needed a friend right now.

Right.

Well, I'm sure Cash is on his way.

Anyway, I'm really glad you're not hurt.

I'll see you around. Okay?

So... trained assassin?

Thank God you didn't get pissed

and bump me off.

Why did you come?

I saw the family photo.

You guys looked really happy.

I wanted to be a part of that.

But I never wanted this, Liz.

I'm really sorry.

No.

Everything's fine.

I'm fine.

I mean, really, I think

it's mostly just bruising.

God... Hardman was right.

I was just too stupid to listen.

I got to go.

- Well, don't leave us.

- It's the only way to keep you guys safe.

Bullshit. Look...

I'm sorry that this is not working out

the way that you always imagined.

But life is messy,

and it doesn't give

a free pass to anyone,

no matter how many different

languages you speak

or whether or not you can kill

someone with a hula-hoop.

Abandoning people

is not how you help them.

Leaving is what hurts. Trust me.

There are vicious, self-absorbed sociopaths

out to get me right now, Liz.

I mean...

You survived high school, right?

How bad could these guys be?

Hey! Where are you going?

I'm not going anywhere.

Thanks for my picture, Parker.

- Okay?

- Now put back my goggles!

- Sh*t.

- Okay...

I'll let you guys have a minute.

Oh, Christ!

- You want to check your...

- Yeah, thanks.

- Yeah, well, just... call me later.

- Cool.

- Fresh meat.

- Yeah!

Yeah!

Shut up. You cannot judge me.

Not judging. Not judging.

Follow the mission profile,

and we all come home safely.

We have the home field advantage,

so we let Knox come to us.

It is homecoming, though.

Every girl should use protection.

Okay, let's do this.

Awesome, please take this away from me.

I'm gonna throw up all over you.

Please...

What's it like to kill someone?

- Excuse me?

- I just mean, do you even...

feel remorse when you're, like,

shooting someone in the face?

They used to tell us...

that we had to detach, but...

I never could.

So, wait, then are you,

like, haunted at night

by the visions of the souls

that you've taken?

No, no, not... no. Not quite.

See, I've...

- never actually done it before.

- What?

Wait, you told me you were,

like, Miss Experienced.

- I never said that.

- I distinctly remember you saying that.

I know how it works, okay?

I may have said that.

I've seen videos,

different ways that it's done.

- I've just never done it myself.

- Like, never?

I came really close once and grazed

this guy in London. Does that count?

That counts.

I think it has to go all the way in.

Okay.

If we're gonna nitpick here,

then technically no.

I've done lots of other stuff, though.

Okay.

- I have.

- I believe you.

It's not as easy as you think, okay?

It can take a few times

for things to line up.

I don't know why you're laughing.

No, I would... I would do it.

If I had to, I would do it.

I just...

I just think the first time

should be special.

Right?

Yeah, well...

We agree on one thing, then.

What are we talking about?

- Would you...

- Popcorn?

Would you like some popcorn?

I bet you'd like some popcorn.

Wouldn't you like some popcorn?

- Hi.

- Ready?

Yeah, am I good?

- Better than good.

- Okay.

One sec, though.

- Close.

- Okay.

There. Just a little bit

of smoke around the eyes.

Adds to your mystique.

And me?

You positive about the heels?

- Yeah, I got this.

- You got this.

Oh, my God! They're here.

Go get 'em.

Not without you. Let's go.

Three, two, one.

Yes.

So...

Liz Larson?

Yeah, you know... what can I say?

I like who I am around her.

Good for you, Gooch.

It's Bernard now. It's Bernard.

- Hello.

- How's it going?

- Look at you, all dressed.

- Yeah.

- This is nice.

- Thank you.

- I like this.

- There you go, girls.

- Okay, great.

- Thank you.

- You girls look beautiful.

- Thank you.

Wait, wait, wait. Let's take a picture.

Okay.

One, two... cheese.

What are you doing?

- Make memories... not babies.

- Thank you.

Remember, boys... whatever you do

to them, I'm gonna do to you.

Not kidding.

- Oh, my God, my first homecoming.

- You ready?

- Just be ready for anything.

- Gotcha.

Where's Cash? Seen Cash?

Not tightly there.

Good tie. Little mystery, Amber.

I love this song.

Do you want to go dance?

- Yes.

- Yes!

- Should we go join them?

- Emotacon's on next. Maybe after.

Sure, okay.

- How's the... how's the cheese?

- Not bad.

It's actually pretty "Gouda."

- You mean good?

- No, Gouda. It's... it's a joke.

It's cheese, Gouda, it's good.

Right, right. I get it, yeah. Pig Latin.

No.

Cash, I've... I've dreamt

about a night like this

for a really long time,

and I have had so much fun.

You're the front man of an amazing band.

You're the king of this high school.

Wait a minute.

Are you dumping me?

- I don't know.

- You know what, babe?

Whatever it is,

let's talk about it later.

- Later?

- Yeah. I got a big show tonight.

You know, I got to keep my voice rested.

Right, okay. Of course.

Excuse me.

Women...

who needs 'em?

- I'm an idiot, and I owe you a huge apology.

- Megan, just stop.

You're pissed. I get it. Can we just...

I'm not pissed, all right? If you want

to go date the rock star, that's fine.

You want to go hang

with the cool crowd, whatever.

- But I just want you to know that...

- I don't.

Hold on. I was practicing this in my head,

and I want to get it all out.

- I'm just curious. You don't what?

- I don't want to date the rock star.

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