Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders Page #3

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Two... one!

Ignition.

Ready to move out.

How delicious!

I've always wanted

to rule from the stars.

This will go down in history as the

greatest caper in the universe.

And when we three are done,

there'll be no one to stop us.

There are four cats in this

litter, you pudgy peon!

Yes. But one runt which

must get tossed out.

Treachery! But why?

You're soft on Batman.

And we all know how

fickle cats can be.

Who's to say you

won't turn on us...

For him?

Ha!

The cat's got her own tongue.

Ah, well...

Just think of it as one

small step for mankind,

and you'll be able

to swim back to earth.

Oh... get her boys!

That's some

space station, Batman.

A top secret joint venture

between our government

and the government of Belgravia.

Ultimately our two countries couldn't

figure out a way to work together

and it was abandoned.

- What a waste!

- Yes.

From up here it becomes clear

that we're all one people.

I hate to the core of my being when

diplomacy is destroyed by myopic pride.

Engage

bat-gravity boots.

Holy helium! Bat-climbs would

be much easier this way.

Easier, but eventually

your muscles would atrophy,

your bones would lose density.

You see, Robin, there are consequences

to doing things the easy way,

something villains rarely take into

consideration when choosing a life of crime.

Golly.

Right again, Batman

the only thing a cat hates more

than water is the

vacuum of space.

Then I hope you can hold

your breath, pussycat.

Looks like the cat

will go splat.

And now, it's time to put

you out for the night.

Off you go!

May I assume your twisted teammates

turned the tables on you?

Where's your chivalry, Batman?

It's impolite to rub your masculine

superiority in a woman's face.

Serves you right,

you depraved creature.

Are you sure we can't kill him?

When you're older, you'll come

to appreciate the pungent allure

of the feminine mystique,

old chum.

But now it's time to dish out

some well-deserved fisticuffs.

Up with your flippers,

you unholy three!

And hope that I leave enough of

you to put behind prison bars.

Curses! It's Batman.

Ha, the cat came back.

Oh! How did he

find us this time?

Why, you quizzical creep!

It wasn't me!

I resisted the urge.

He's Batman, you moronic

muttonheads, that's how.

Of course! You probably left a trail of

breadcrumbs for your little loverboy.

No, penguin. I deduced where

you were, but not why.

Then riddle me this, Batman.

How do you hold

a party in space?

Answer,

you "plan-et."

Only we want to make three.

You diabolical devils!

Yes, then there can be a Gotham

city for each of us to control

without interference

from the caped clodpoles.

Of all the

world-creating arrogance!

Don't worry, Batman, they'll

soon be where they belong.

Behind prison bars.

Actually, Robin, I'm thinking of

sending them out of the airlock.

Yeah!

Let's see how they like it.

Ah! By the marquess of Queensberry,

you have to follow the rules!

Do I?

Of course, Batman!

As duly deputized officers, we are

honor-bound to follow the tenets of the law.

Technically, we're outside of

the jurisdiction of Gotham pd.

Here, I play by my own rules.

Egad!

Batman's flipped his cowl.

If not, we should do it for him.

Ah, time to lighten the mood.

Holy zero gs!

You were getting so heavy

on us, Batman.

Who says penguins can't fly?

Ow!

Huh?

Why are your punches like

a bodybuilder without a gym?

Answer, because

they're weightless.

You fiends!

Let's do this.

You wanna get nuts?

Let's get nuts.

- Riddler, this is the operating table.

- No, no!

Not the face, Batman.

And I'm the surgeon.

Gee, Batman, will they be okay?

They may forever

walk with slight limps

but they'll live.

Look!

Catwoman got away!

That tricky temptress.

She won't escape my grasp

the next time we cross paths.

But I'll enjoy her trying.

Thanks to you, caped crusader, their plan

of planetary proliferation was prevented.

I'll just store the

replica ray in the Batcave.

It's too dangerous to fall

into the wrong hands.

Once again we owe a debt of

gratitude we can never fully repay.

But know that you

will forever be...

Batman?

Where did Batman go?

Begorra! He just disappeared.

Like a bat in the night.

Very dramatic indeed.

And not like Batman at all.

You'll have to forgive him.

He's been a little out of sorts.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Batman, wait for me!

Batman?

Holy hitchhiker!

Now, how am I going

to get back home?

Now, give a hand

for our next group,

those manic minstrels

from Manchester,

-the bed bugs!

Sorry, dick. I just couldn't

bear having to listen

to the commissioner

prattle on anymore.

Luckily, a citizen

loaned me their bicycle.

This Gotham palace show

is top drawer, old chum.

And that host, Miranda Monroe,

Va-Va-voom.

Groovy, man, groovy.

Mercy, you two are back from

your "fishing trip" already?

Something wrong with that,

aunt Harriet?

Oh, don't mind me.

Please, tell me exactly

what's so amusing.

It's just...

Out with it,

you silly old woman!

Heavens! Well, I never...

I can't take this

anymore, Bruce!

So, you think I should get

rid of the broad too?

No. I'm talking about you.

You've completely changed.

Now, now, old chum.

You're overreacting.

Aren't you even worried

about Alfred?

Well, Dickie, if you're so

concerned about Alfred,

you're free to join him.

On skid row.

A-ha!

Any progress on that

shoplifting case, O'Hara?

Well, you know, the witness,

uh, and, uh, the, er...

Say no more, chief.

You don't have to explain to me

how difficult police work can be.

Have you tried...

You know who?

Every 20 minutes. No answer.

Maybe we should try again?

My thoughts exactly.

How about you clean up your

own mess for once?

Yes, but every available

officer is already dispatched.

We'll send someone to you

as soon as we can.

No, we don't know where Batman

is any more than you do.

The city is in chaos.

Absolute chaos.

Greetings, commissioner.

Chief.

It the caped crusader himself!

I must say, you are

a sight for sore eyes.

Saints preserve us,

all those rosaries I've been

saying have finally paid off.

Where have you been, Batman?

Thinking, commissioner.

I've been trying to figure out why

you two are in charge of anything.

Surely you jest, Batman.

It's you two who jest

by calling yourselves

police officers.

I take a little time off and look

at the state of Gotham city.

Now, please remove

your uniforms.

Excuse me, Batman?

I said,

take off your uniforms.

But why would we do that?

Because you two don't

deserve to wear them.

Surely, you understand the

city cannot run without a

commissioner and

chief of police.

No need to worry.

I've already found

your replacements.

I think you'll find

they're very qualified.

The replica ray!

What are you going

to do with that?

Three batmen!

Allow me to introduce Gotham's new

chief of police and commissioner.

Ready to run Gotham

with a firm glove, Batman.

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