Batman and Harley Quinn Page #4

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where the Gulf Stream currents will

carry the virus into the Greater Atlantic

and then the world!

Mother Earth's salvation, ground zero!

- (GLASS SHATTERING)

- (POISON IVY GASPS)

I said it last time.

- Your turn.

- It's over, Ivy.

Harley?

Hiya, Red.

You're with them?

Oh, Harl...

Come on, Pammie, what are you doing?

You really going to

change us all into plants?

You know I don't look good in green.

I'm sorry, Harley,

but there's no other way.

Humankind have had their chance.

And you've had yours!

(EXCLAIMS)

(POISON IVY GRUNTS)

(BATMAN GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

Oh, gross!

(HARLEY SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

(EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

(HARLEY EXCLAIMS)

Jason, the work!

(STUTTERS) What's happening?

He's waking up.

I need to keep him hypnotized.

Mmm, no.

(GASPS)

Occam's razor.

Red! You can't leave me here, Pammie!

You know my skin. I burn easy!

That idiot meat-skank

betrayed you, Pamela!

She is your worst enemy!

Leave her to her fate!

(WHIMPERS)

(GROANING)

Nightwing?

Nightwing?

NIGHTWINGI (GROANING) Over here.

(STRAINING)

(BOTH STRAINING)

You Okay?

My ears are going to be

ringing for a week,

but no broken bones. Ow!

I think.

Where's Harley?

(GOLDBLUM GROANING)

Shh, it's okay. You're gonna be okay.

- Just hang in there, Doc.

- (PANTING)

Look, here's Batman.

He'll fix you right up. Sure he will.

Don't pull it out.

(CHOKING)

Lift his head up.

Loui...

Sana...

- Don't try to talk. It's okay...

- No.

(COUGHS)

Must...

They need swamp water.

Complete... (COUGHS)

Process...

- We're losing him.

- (G ROANS WEAKLY)

- it's okay, Doc. You did good.

- (BREATHING RASPILY)

You did real good.

We'll take it from here.

Hey, Doc.

When you get to heaven,

you should look up my bubbie.

Fran Quinzel.

She's super nice.

I think you two would really hit it off.

(EXHALING)

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER

ON POLICE RADIO)

It was wrong.

We shouldn't have left them there.

Not in the flames. What if she...

Died? Good.

She's on the wrong side of this, Ivy.

Don't tell me you're getting cold feet?

No! I just...

Never mind.

Safe to say, we are thoroughly screwed.

They're bound to have all the airports

and train stations covered by now.

I could maybe disguise myself

and squeak through the cordon, but you?

(SCOFFS)

Well, it was a nice dream while it last...

Is that a yam?

A very special yam, yes.

With certain unique properties.

I removed half a dozen of these tubers

from Swamp Thing's corpse a few years ago

while he was temporarily deceased.

This is my last one. I've been

saving it forjust such an occasion.

Not hungry.

Eat.

It's frozen.

Eat.

More.

Ugh! It tastes awful.

Whoa.

Take my hand.

(GROGGILY) What the...

Relax.

(ECHOING) Concentrate on our destination.

Become one with the Green.

With the Green...

Silly me. Almost forgot.

(SIRENS WAILING)

Oh, man, I'm beat.

How you doin', Nightwig?

(SIGHS)

Oh, right. Nightwing. Sorry.

It's like that thing,

when you can't remember

if it's supposed to

be "their" with "E-l-R"

or "they're" with "Y-apostrophe-R-E".

You know you got a 50/50 chance

of getting it right,

but somehow, you always pick the wrong...

Anyhow.

Sorry.

Forget it.

Yeah?

So, we're good?

Sure.

The police are setting up roadblocks,

covering the airports,

bus terminals, train stations.

Sarge Steel is calling in

the FBI and the National Guard.

- What about us?

- We're headed to Louisiana, fast.

(JET WHOOSHING)

The GPS coordinates

for the Holland lab are locked in.

Saddle up.

Thanks for your help.

Hey, now, waitjust a goddamn minute!

That's it? You got what you wanted,

now you're just gonna dump me?

Like Nightwig over here, Captain-Kirk-in'

me for info, and then... (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

See ya later, toots?

Hey, you were the one who...

And I never...

You need me, Batman!

Uh-huh. That's right. You need me!

You saw how tough plant guy is,

tossing you guys around

like raggedy-dolls!

If he kicks your butts again, then what?

You think you're gonna be

able to sweet-talk Ivy

into giving up her diabolical plan?

Huh, Mr. Smoothie'? 'Cause I gotta tell ya,

your line ain't that great!

- And besides...

- Enough.

I can't trust you.

But I thought...

I mean, we...

You're the walking definition

of loose cannon, Harley.

For all I know,

you might decide at the last minute

that lvy's plan doesn't sound

so cock-eyed after all,

because the wind changed direction,

or because it's Thursday.

- But...

- I can't risk it.

The stakes are way too high.

- But...

- But what?

But I'll never survive

the veggie apocalypse!

Once, I begged my mom for a cat,

but I left the back door open one day

and it ran away.

And then I begged her for a hamster

and I forgot to feed it for like...

A month!

So then... Then she said that

maybe I could have a plant,

so she got me this itty-bitty fern

in this cute little yellow pot and...

(SOBS) I forgot...

(STUTTERS) ...to water it!

Well, what if I forget to water myself?

(CRYING)

Oh, please, Mr. Kinda-scary

but-actually-really-nice Batman,

please let me come with you!

I can make Ivy change her mind and

give up her diabolical plan with Tree Guy!

I know I can! We're pals!

Yeah, good pals!

Like Jack and Jill, or pork and beans!

(CRYING) Please! Please!

You know, you're always saying,

"Have a contingency plan."

So...

Your Plan B is Harley Quinn?

(HARLEY CONTINUES CRYING)

God help us.

HARLEY:
Probably should've mentioned

I sometimes get a little airsick...

(HARLEY RETCH ES)

(FROGS CROAKING)

(FLIES BUZZING)

(EXCLAIMS) Gettin' eaten alive out here.

Oh, thank God, can I have some of that?

It's concentrated sulfuric acid.

A super-dehydrating agent.

All of the crazy crap

you got stuffed into that belt,

and you didn't think to bring bug spray?

To a frickin' swamp?

Um...

What are ya good for? Hmm?

You're probably just low on Vitamin B.

Never mind!

Some Boy Scout you turned out to be.

Ow!

(CHUCKLES)

(NIGHTWING CLEARS THROAT)

I can't see how

they could have gotten here ahead of us.

With the airports

and train stations locked down?

Probably not.

But supervillains

do tend to be very resourceful.

All I know is, if they are here already,

you can bet your tushy

lvy's turned some of these bushes

and trees into monster watchdogs.

Like Little Shop of Horrors on steroids.

No foolin', one time

she turned my stinkin' lollipop stick

into a three-headed snake-twig thingy.

While it was still in my mouth!

Haven't had a lollipop since.

- (HARLEY CHUCKLES)

- What?

What you said before.

I keep thinking about

Plant Guy ridin' on the subway.

In a trench coat and hat, like some kinda

7-foot-tall flasher all made outta celery.

(CHUCKLES)

- (GROWLING)

- (GASPS)

(SOLDIER EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

Guess they're definitely here then.

(U-ussnuca)

They're coming.

I can feel it.

Would you please stop fidgeting?

I really need to concentrate.

Just hurry.

Almost done. One last step.

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