Bearcity Page #5

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simon, listen to me.

Not even a single text message.

Ok, I am sorry, simon. I'm sorry, I'm

sorry. What else do I have to prove to

you how sorry I am. Besides what

you're thinking in your head.

You are so lucky I still want

to tap that ass.

What are you doing?

What have you been up to?

I just got emancipated from my

slave labe at Urban O's.

When the hell did you

start working there?

Oh well, since you flaked on us Cory

and I found a third. Jasyn. He hooked

me up. It's Jasyn with a ''y.'' He's

friends with Bryan with a ''y.''

Oh yes, because vowels just don't cut

it for the gay generation anymore.

I miss you, Ty.

I miss you too, simon. I'm sorry for

bailing on you guys, really.

And I'm sorry that I said that thing

about the thing, and the other thing.

Right, whatever that just meant

it means a lot.

I hear the siren song of starbitches

coffee.

someone looking for a caffeine

infusion?

Coffee, no. I think I'd rather die.

Let's go back to your place

and have a real drink.

Done!

so your telling me he stuck his

fingers in your ass? Cheers to that!

Notice anything different?

Um... you're now a part of

the rhythm nation?

Hello - I lost 5 whole pounds! I

thought I'd have you drooling by now.

Actually, gaining ten would probably

put you in the right direction.

What? You mean you want

me to have a roll?

Twenty pounds.

A muffin top?

Thirty.

Are you suggesting a... I mean a...

a whole... a belly?

Yeah, throw some hair on that belly

and I think we're talking perfection.

What happened to you? Were you

dropped on your head as a child?

Oh God, simon, please don't ever

change. You know, scratch that.

Mature, but please don't ever change.

Wow, I had no idea. I honestly thought

it was me, why you never, you know.

Oh, simon, there's nothing wrong

with you. Physically.

Ok, listen, I do.. I really do

appreciate you. It's hard, I have

nobody else outside all this anymore

to just, you know, vent to.

Yeah, that's a lot of drama you've got

going on.

Don't bears just cuddle and eat fish

all day?

Please. Bears can be just as gossipy

and superficial as the circuit queens,

ok? Have you heard of musclebears?

No?

Well, those are Roger's buddies,

they're all like the Third Bear Reich.

You not only have to be big and hairy,

you have to be muscular to boot.

Muscular? I always thought you joined

the bear scene

after you lost the battle of the

bulge.

God, I love your sophisticated world

views, it's so FOX News.

sorry, but, c'mon, does a big guy with

a rug on his back really turn you on?

Yes, yes it does.

Wow. You like bears.

I like bears.

OK. And you specifically like this

Roger guy.

This unobtainable Lost Ark of the

Covenant bear.

Yeah, he might be as old as

Indiana Jones.

What?

He's a little bit older, you know.

How old?

Ok. I need you to focus here, simon.

I need to get this guy's attention.

Well, at least you're consistent. You

always used to go after the

unobtainable ones when you hung out

with us too.

That's because I wasn't trying to

obtain them.

This guy I really want to get his

attention.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yup. You need clothes that don't fit.

The ''Bear Book'' oh and

the ''Bear Book'' sequel.

simon, do you really think Roger

is gonna like all this stuff? Ok.

Oh my God, Ty. It's like Bear-neys in

here! Look at all of this great stuff!

Ok, personal shopper easy on it. But

you know, maybe if you're lucky

I'll let you manscape me later.

Thanks.

C'mon, Ty. Do you need help

adjusting anything?

Hang on. Gimme two minutes.

Oh my God, you look so pretty.

He's gonna love it.

Hey, bears! Welcome to Furfest, the

official kick off party of BearCity

weekend. Let's get rowdy, and let the

fur start flyin'!

What's the problem?

We're at capacity. Just gimme

a minute, alright?

I've been here for twenty minutes.

Roger, how you doin' handsome?

Good to see you.

You too. Lookin' good as always.

Right back at ya.

What the f***!

What can I get you, handsome daddy?

Can I get a Bourbon.

Bourbon? Ok.

Keep the change.

Hey hot cub, what can I get you?

Bourbon on the rocks.

I got it.

I didn't know you were a

bourbon drinker.

Apparently there's a few things you

don't know about me, Rodge.

Apparently.

You look great tonight.

You don't look so bad yourself.

You know,

you almost nailed that spare.

Yeah, I know.

The unmakeable shot.

Is it?

Well look who it is.

What can I get you, hot Bear?

Whiskey, rocks.

You know you could've brought me in

with you before. I am a hot guy,

you're a hot guy - we would have the

whole city talking.

They're already talking.

Yes. All talk, no action.

Arriba, abajo, al centro,

para adentro.

You're a nasty oso.

You know spanish?

I've spent some time in spain...

And inside a few spaniards.

I'm Andalusian.

Is there a difference?

Oh, si.

It all starts with the way you

place your tongue.

I see.

I don't think you do.

- Roger.

- Fernando.

Whooo!

Whoo! Double points.

Triple score!

Oh my God!

sh*t, Tyler! You scared the

hell out of me!

Haven't you ever heard of knocking?!

Oh God, you're officially whatever the

PC term is for 'retarded'.

Hand me those shorts.

Hey, it's my cardio. Ok? Gym

memberships cost a fortune in this

city. What are you doing here, anyway?

shouldn't you be gettin' your Bear on?

I dunno, sy. He's like... he's like

emotionally unavailable. You know, one

minute I feel like we're connecting

and you know, he's going to give me

that Hollywood kiss and the next

minute he's acting like Mr. Tough Guy

in front of his bowling buddies.

Bowling buddies?

Is that like a metaphor?

No, simon, it's like bowling, like

um.. like the sport.

These are the Muscle Bears you

were talking about?

Yep. Today I lost him to some random

albeit hot a**hole who

decided to cut in between us.

Well then don't let anyone cut in

between you again.

Did he like the Bear drag?

He loved it. It was perfect. He said I

looked great. His words.

OK, then, that's it. I'm coming with

you tomorrow night and you're going

to tell this guy how you feel once and

for all.

Wow, sy. I've never seen you

so forceful before.

It's kinda hot, right? You want

me now. I know it.

Yes, the ironic headband just

pushed me right over the edge.

Nope, God I like bears.

Where do I buy Rogaine?

so, Fernando? What brings

you to New York.

Holiday, I am here for a week.

so what do you do in..

Barcelona.

Barcelona?

I am a Go-Go Dancer at

the Bear Factory.

Are you joking?

No, have you ever been?

Yeah. Yeah I've been there.

Is there good money in that?

Yeah, I do OK.

How about you?

I think you probably can't pay your

bills as a Go-Go Dancer in New York.

Lord knows I've tried.

No, I'm in finance.

And you don't have a boyfriend?

What about you? You have some French

or German musclebear waiting for you

in a hotel room down in the financial

district?

No, no, I am flying solo. It's hard in

spain, no one is interested in a

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