Before Midnight Page #10

JESSE:

No, I did. I said, "of course"!

That was

64.

CELINE:

No-no-no! I wanted you to say

something romantic and you blew it.

JESSE:

Oh, okay. Alright, wait - if I saw

you on a train, okay, listen. I

would lock eyes with you.

CELINE:

Uh-huh.

JESSE:

And then I'd walk right up to you

and I'd say, "Hey, baby. You are

making me as horny as a billy goat

in a briar patch."

He grabs her ass.

CELINE:

Stop it, that's disgusting! Billy

goat. No, the truth is, you failed

the test. And the fact is, you would

not pick me up on a train. You

wouldn't even notice me, a fat-assed

middle-aged mom, losing her hair.

JESSE:

Okay.

(Laughing)

Losing her hair?

CELINE:

Yeah, that's me!

JESSE:

You set me up to fail. Honestly,

you did.

CELINE:

Okay, true. True.

JESSE:

Alright? Alright? But in the real

world, baldy, on game day when it

mattered, I DID talk to you on a

train. I did that, it was the best

thing I ever did.

CELINE:

Really? Look at the goats. Hello.

65.

JEESE:

Hey. Alright. You know, that's not

even a good question, all right?

The real question would be if I DID

ask you to get off a train...

CELINE:

Yeah?

JESSE:

Would you get off with me?

CELINE:

No, of course not. I have people

waiting for me.

JESSE:

Yeah, see, so?

CELINE:

You know, and

(Laughing)

A forty-one-year-old horny billy

goat? How creepy! I'm creeped out

right now. Help, politzia!

JESSE:

I can't believe I'm 41.

CELINE:

Yeah, me neither. You've gotten so

old. I never thought I'd sleep with

anyone over 40.

JESSE:

Yeah, yeah... what?

CELINE:

Actually, you know what? You're the

oldest guy I've ever slept with.

JESSE:

Well, that's something. That's good.

CELINE:

It's true.

JESSE:

I know I'm not the oldest guy you've

ever blown.

CELINE:

What?

66.

JESSE:

That conference in Warsaw?

CELINE:

What conference?

JESSE:

Lech Walesa.

CELINE:

Lech Walesa... oh, what are you

talking about?

JESSE:

It's okay. It was before we were

together, you can admit it. I can

remember the way you talked about

how he "opened your heart". You

definitely blew him. Definitely.

CELINE:

Oh, okay. You're really crazy.

That was Gorbachev, okay? You

geographically challenged, football

obsessed, donut loving American.

That was Gorbachev.

JESSE:

I'm sorry, I got my Eastern Bloc

leaders mixed up. Okay?

CELINE:

And I didn't blow him at all! Okay?

Take it back!

JESSE:

Okay. All right, okay. Okay!

CELINE:

God!

JESSE:

So was it Vaclav Havel? Or

CELINE:

All right, you know..

EXT. WALK PART TWO - EVENING

They're now walking through a small, very old town.

JESSE:

Listen to this. I was going to wait

to tell you this until later but,

whatever. I'm so bad with secrets.

67.

CELINE:

What? You have a tumor in your brain?

You're going to die?

JESSE:

No, no, no, no. Nothing like that

alright? Well actually, it's kinda

like that. My grandmother died.

CELINE:

What? When?

JESSE:

Yeah, my dad texted me right before

we ate.

CELINE:

Oh, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you

tell me?

JESSE:

Ah, I know. Well, everybody's been

expecting it. You know, she lived a

long time, had a great life. She

was ninety-six.

CELINE:

Okay. She didn't live much longer

after your grandfather died, though.

JESSE:

No, barely a year. I mean the funny

thing is, this woman was a frickin'

saint.

CELINE:

Yeah.

JESSE:

She was a nurse in the war, she took

care of all of us, you know. I mean,

she never said an unkind word about

anybody.

CELINE:

Ah, I wish I'd met her.

JESSE:

No, it's okay, because by the end,

you know, she just really wasn't

into meeting new people. I mean

after a lifetime of being sweet as

pie - once grandpa died, she got

kinda ornery.

68.

CELINE:

Well you know, it happens, she was

in mourning, no?

JESSE:

Well, my dad said she was just waiting

to die.

CELINE:

How long were they married?

JESSE:

74 years.

CELINE:

F***!

JESSE:

(Laughs)

Yeah.

CELINE:

How is that even possible? How old

will we be if we're together seventy-

four years?

JESSE:

Mm... well, when would we start

counting from?

CELINE:

I guess from the first time we had

sex. No?

JESSE:

Okay. Yeah, good. So, so um, 1994.

(Muttering, Calculating

Under His Breath)

CELINE:

Okay. '94... fifty-six years from

now.

JESSE:

Okay. We will be ninety-eight.

CELINE/JESSE

Ugh!!!

CELINE:

Will you be able to put up with me

for another fifty-six more years? I

need to know! Okay? 'Cause I don't

know if I'm gonna be able to put up

with you.

69.

JESSE:

It's crazy if you think about all

the change they saw. I mean, when

they met neither one of them had

electricity. He used to take her to

school on his horse, right?

CELINE:

Oh, that's so romantic... it's

incredible.

JESSE:

I know. When they graduated, he was

valedictorian and she was

salutatorian.

CELINE:

What is that?

JESSE:

He was top of the class and she was

second.

CELINE:

I bet she knowingly got a couple of

answers wrong just to make sure he

didn't feel threatened.

JESSE:

Well, if she wanted to get laid,

she'd better have.

CELINE:

Yeah, obviously like you-know-who.

JESSE:

Right. Well, anyway, so I called my

dad, right? After I got the text,

just to...

CELINE:

Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.

JESSE:

... You know, tell him I was sorry...

but I think I kind of screwed up.

At some point I told him 'Hey Dad,

you're an orphan now.' He didn't

think that was funny.

CELINE:

No, it's not funny at all.

JESSE:

Yeah, I guess not.

(MORE)

70.

JESSE (CONT'D)

(Laughs)

CELINE:

He's next, then you.

JESSE:

I know. Well, he told me that my

grandparents want to have a joint

service. They want to have their

ashes intermingled and be buried as

one.

CELINE:

Your grandfather didn't have a

funeral?

JESSE:

No, remember? They vowed to each

other they'd never have to attend

one another's funerals.

CELINE:

Oh, yeah. I kind of like the idea

of you attending mine.

JESSE:

(Laughs)

What?

CELINE:

Imagining you in a suit, clean shaven

for once... and holding hands with

the girls... I don't know, I like

it.

JESSE:

You're gonna outlive me.

CELINE:

Well, I'll see. I guess one of us

will see.

JESSE:

You think you want to go to the

service with me?

CELINE:

To Texas?

JESSE:

Uh, it's not going to be in Paris.

71.

CELINE:

How bad do you want me there? I

mean I would come but it's really

expensive with the flights...

JESSE:

Just skip it - it'd be simpler to go

alone.

CELINE:

(To Barking Dog)

Oh, hello.

JESSE:

Hello, buddy.

CELINE:

Well you know, if I'm not there it'll

be easier for you to f*** your

cousins.

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