Best in Show Page #4

We learned from that one.

-This is great. Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-Super.

-It's like...

...l know it tastes better,

but it looks like that...

...cafeteria hot-plate food.

You know?

Which I never tasted.

I didn't want to look like a loser.

But it tastes good.

I had that food every single day.

And it was 50 cents back then.

It was pretty cheap.

What's that you've got there?

-A parachuter.

-A parachuter!

It's not a doll.

It's an action figure.

It is an action figure.

Yes, you got that right. So, so...

...what does that, what is--?

What do you do with the parachuter?

It goes up and down like this.

Honey, don't let it fall in your food.

Mommy's not mad, but don't.

-Is it okay if I let Winky walk around?

-Yeah.

I've got my puffer. It's okay.

I had a terrible day today.

I can't get rid of it in my head.

You have a bad day,

someone returns a sweater.

I do and lives get lost.

People lose their lives.

I'm the chief hostage negotiator

for the Akron and tri-county area.

I talk people down. When they get

a jumper on a building, they call me.

How many people have you talked down?

I mean, is there a...?

Well, they always jump.

It's a little secret from the trade.

They all jump.

But today, we had a tough one.

There's a guy, he jumps...

...that doesn't bother me, it happens

all the time.

You think they drop like rocks. No.

He hit a gargoyle on the way down.

He gets his head caught in

the gargoyle's mouth. The head...

...pops off like a grape, the body

spins down like a whirligig.

When they hit...

...everything pops out.

It's like a pinata.

The intestines, like they're

spring-loaded...

...pop out.

Forgive me. You know what?

I was remembering

that time with you and me at the lake.

With the pinata. Remember?

Are you sure that was you?

-I think you know who it was.

-I know.

It was a long time ago, and....

Seems like last week.

You wouldn't know, she was famous...

...for putting both her legs

behind her head.

He's like an animal.

-No, it's just talk!

-He's just like an animal.

Pinata?

I don't know what a pinata is.

I forgot to compliment you on your

luscious melon breasts tonight.

-How does that sound?

-Oh, come on!

-What are you talking about now?

-Thank you.

What you don't understand is...

...a picture is worth

a thousand words.

I only went through 1 25 or 130

words describing that.

If I wanted,

I could go 800 words more.

-I'll take the picture because--

-Do you know where Winky is?

Next time, I'll get a picture.

How about that?

Where's the dog?

-The what?

-Winky. Where's Winky?

-Who's Winky?

-He's probably with Zach.

-Oh, the dog.

-Oh, my God!

Winky? Winky?

-What?

-What's going on?

What are you doing?

-Winky, it's okay, baby.

-Don't move, Zach.

-Zach, listen.

-He has a parachute around his neck!

-Please, honey, this is what I do.

-Don't be mad at him, please.

I'll gouge your eye out with my thumb.

I sh*t you not, you freak.

Get down! I'm gonna punch you

in the eye till it turns to jelly.

Don't look at him in the eyes,

it challenges him.

I'll stab you with forks

until you bleed!

Hey.

Hey, little buddy,

what you been doing?

Oh, nothing.

Now, I understand that you went

to the circus.

I did. I saw the Hat Lady.

Hat Lady.

"Fat." "Fat."

Hat Lady. F-f-hat Lady.

Fat. How do you say "F"?

That isn't in here.

"Chubby Lady." That's easier.

-I saw the Chucky--

-No, that's "chucky."

-Chucky Lady.

-Chub. Chubby.

-Choky.

-Chuggy, chug--

Hey. Hey.

What you doing, Bloodhound doggy?

That's a easy one,

"Bloodhound," isn't it?

Yeah.

-Yeah.

-You going to sleep?

-The doorman's approximately cute.

-The Mediterranean type.

-I'll say!

-You gotta trim their nose hair.

-Hi. May I help you?

-Vanderhoof.

-V-A-N--

-D-E-R-H-double O-F.

Non-smoking, two nights.

We have you down for a queen.

-What are you suggesting...

-Quiet.

...my dear man?

Do you want to use a card?

-Oh, yes.

-Talk to Daddy.

Seen enough dogs today?

Dogs? Yes. Big show.

-There's a lot of them in the hotel.

-A lot of them here in the lobby.

Okay.

If I could get you to sign here?

-How tall are you?

-6' 4."

Oh, I thought so. I feel like

Alan Ladd at Easter lsland.

6' 4."

Where you from? Like, Nor--

Nor-land? Norway?

-I'm lrish-German.

-Like Robert Duvall in The Godfather.

Bratwurst and shillelaghs.

Paging Dr. Freud!

-But this time, Robin will make it.

-Okay.

-Bake at 400?

-Yeah. For a very short time.

-Hi.

-Hi. How you doing?

I'm Jana, the production assistant.

They're ready. I'll take you on over.

It's showtime, baby.

Come on, little poochie.

-You were wonderful.

-You were magic.

Don't forget, Saturday

we have reservations.

Look.

They're having spring rolls.

-Hi.

-Hey! Hi, I'm Robin.

-I'm Christy.

-How are you?

-I'm Chuck.

-My God! You're so short!

Camera adds a few inches.

I saw you in a store a year ago.

You looked beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

-And this is....

-This is Butch! "Rhapsody in White."

Butch? But isn't Butch a b*tch?

-Butch is a b*tch.

-Robin and Chuck, be ready in 10.

-There's coffee if you're interested.

-Oh, thank you. Yes.

-Five seconds.

-Here we go.

-I love Japanese food.

-I have to rearrange.

Energy.

And we're back!

It's a big night here tomorrow.

The Mayflower's

Annual IKennel Club Dog Show.

And with us, owner Sherri Ann Cabot

and handler Christy Cummings...

...with their two-time champion,

Rhapsody in White. Welcome.

-Welcome-- Thank you!

-Yes.

Well, I am particular about my hair.

-But this...!

-Well, this takes about two hours.

What's with the plumber-butt thing

happening on the hip?

These pom-poms are keeping

Butch's hips warm from the cold water.

-The hip joints. It's very important.

-The little drummerette things that--

-Right. We keep--

-Those act as flippers.

Right.

-Look at this, sweetie.

-Look, Winky! Look, darling!

Welcome. May I help you?

Yes. You are sure to have

a reservation for Fleck.

Mayflower group.

Great. Gerald and Cookie Fleck.

We got you for two nights.

-Queen-size, non-smoking.

-That is correct, sir.

-You want to put this on a credit card?

-Yes.

Drove up from Florida.

Well, welcome.

-Thank you very much.

-How was the drive?

Oh, just super! Put a few clicks

on the old odometer...

...let me put it that way.

Good weather for most of it.

A little cloudy

coming up through West Virginia.

Then it stayed overcast

through Virginia.

But once we get into Pennsylvania,

it's still overcast.

Now, there's a little problem.

Do you have another credit card?

No. That's the good one.

-That should work.

-Give it a rub.

Yeah, check the strip.

Sometimes the change or the keys....

No, you see,

it's coming up bad each time.

That's a mistake. That's a good card.

-Do you have another--?

-That's the good card.

I think you should call them,

because that's a mistake.

-I'll call them.

-Don't worry, Gerry.

I had to pay the cable, the gas,

and the water.

-It's gotta be a mistake, honey.

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