Best in Show Page #5

-They're off our backs, but this....

Do you want to talk to the cardholder?

Because he wants to talk to you.

Yes, yes. Hello? Yes.

Who am I speaking to?

Doreen? This is Gerry Fleck--

Tell them they sent one notice.

We're having a problem

with our card here, and-- Yes.

We have till two to pay it.

Tell her we have till two.

Till two notices.

We don't have to pay on--

Well, two notices.

My wife does all the bill-paying.

She's not a forgetful person.

Hang on.

Two notices, honey. They've--

-Could I offer another suggestion?

-That's bull!

If you had cash

for two nights' deposit, then we'll--

Yes. Yes.

How much?

$1 50 a night. That's $300.

And you'd be refunded a substantial

portion of that on checkout.

We don't have $300.

We....

Well, I've got...

...thirty-four.

What about traveler's checks?

We certainly take traveler's checks.

-Did you get some?

-No.

Let me see what I can do.

The excitement's starting to build.

Butch has a light in her eyes

that says it's showtime.

This is the beginning of our ritual...

...this party, our preshow ritual

for the Mayflower.

And we just did the official toast.

And the way it goes is that

when the ice sculpture--

--which, as you can see, is Butch--

--when it melts all the way down,

the party's over.

And it looks like tomorrow's

gonna be a beautiful day.

This year, we're adding a new element

to the preshow ritual.

Sherri will do my makeup.

I'm very excited--

It's a way for me to relax,

and to show, again, my art.

And she's the epitome of glamour,

you know...

...so I feel like I'm in good hands.

I think she could use some glamour.

Well, I don't know.

I'm not you, that's for sure.

I apologize. This is all we have.

We are so full up.

We don't want you out in the cold.

This will give you

some sort of a place to stay.

Don't judge it by this.

We're gonna clean this stuff out...

...and bring in a cot,

make it comfy for you.

-Good. Oh, it's super. Really super.

-Yeah.

-Is there a bathroom?

-Two flights down.

It's the lobby bathroom.

It's stocked with paper towels,

toilet tissue and soap.

You can freshen up in there.

Thank you.

-Room service?

-That's the good news.

You're next to the kitchen.

Literally.

Grab somebody and get a menu.

And you'll be able to order from them.

And say just "utility closet"?

As a matter of fact, yeah.

I don't think we'll have a problem.

I'll alert the staff

to your presence too.

I've gotta get back to the desk...

...but anything you need,

ask for Mark Schaefer.

-Thanks so much.

-Thank you, Mark.

-Thank you.

-Bye-bye.

I think I'll switch

to the mock turtleneck.

-The charcoal one from Saks.

-Great. Okay.

Is that not breathing or...?

Well, it's breathing now,

but at the party...

...it's gonna be hot down there.

Then again, it goes so well

with the trousers.

Or I could go with the lamb's wool.

Then again, you're gonna see a lot

of khaki down there.

And this merlot looks good

with the gray.

You know what?

-Maybe we should stay.

-What?

We shouldn't leave her up here alone.

We have to go. We have to make

an appearance. You know that.

-Are you upset, baby?

-Yes, of course she's upset.

Don't be upset.

Mommy and Daddy are only gonna--

Don't, not the lips.

Mommy and Daddy are going

for a little bit.

And we'll be back. Huh?

You got your busy bee.

-You got busy bee.

-Oh, I want to stay.

-You can't.

-I want to.

-You can't.

-I want to.

You can't stay.

-More Gouda, honey?

-No, thanks, Gerry.

-Super party, huh?

-Yeah, but--

You know, I ran into that woman

that owned the Terrier.

From Florida. We were in that show.

The Elvis, not Costello.

-Remember that little Terrier?

-The b*tch that pushed Winky?

Pushed him way off his gait?

Cookie Googleman?

-Yeah.

-It is you. Malcolm!

Malcolm?

Gerry, my husband. This is Malcolm.

-What's shaking?

-Not much, Gary. How are you?

-Doesn't she look fantastic?

-Boy, I'll say.

-Thank you.

-Just fantastic.

Been what? I don't know,

18, 1 9 years? Louisville.

The Mint Julep.

You were working as a waitress.

Wow.

Malcolm. Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm.

I've banged a lot

of waitresses in my day.

But you were the best. By far.

-You don't forget the best.

-Nope.

Oh, Gerry. Oh, Gerry.

They gotta do something

about the air conditioning.

Great to see you.

Nice to see you, Malcolm.

IKeep them up. IKeep them up.

The beat goes on, okay?

The beat goes on. Gerry, my husband.

Don't worry, I know where I am.

-Just....

-But that was fun.

Your house is beautiful.

The food, delicious.

And to see Butch with her crown on.

It's so cute.

That's her game face.

Absolutely right.

-She winked at me.

-Did she?

-She winked at me.

-You little flirt.

She's not gonna wear

the crown tomorrow, is she?

-She'll walk around as if she were.

-It is. It's a fun party.

-We only do that once a year.

-She must be very proud.

-You bet.

-Oh, yeah.

-It's her night.

-It is. She's the star.

And hopefully, she's going to be

the star tomorrow.

-We'll have to see.

-That's up to her.

-I guess. And some other people.

-It's in her hands.

Some think if you're on a small creek,

a small body of water...

...that you have to use a small fly.

But I've been in situations,

even on a big river...

...where I'm using a size 18,

a size 20, a size 22.

I go with a dropper

or with a Parachute Adams.

A PT Nymph on the end,

and you could hook a big fish.

Many think you have to go with...

...a Woolly Bugger or Sculpin pattern

of some kind.

Maybe Egg-Sucking Leech, which I've

never had any luck with myself.

Is that L.L. Bean?

-Is this L.L. Bean?

-This?

Can I check?

-I don't know.

-Oh, Hamilton.

What? Just checking.

Stefan, Stefan.

This is my "euphemism," Stefan.

I want you to meet my new friends.

-How are you, Gerry?

-Stefan.

-Hello. You're Coo...?

-No, it's Cookie.

It's Coo-Coo-Coo-Coo-Cookie!

I was noticing your pants.

And then I noticed this.

-Very funny.

-To death.

Did he say his name's Mary,

as well as advertising it?

-He was introduced as Mary, but--

-You know what? My name's not Mary.

-It's Debbie!

-It's not. It's Debra!

No, it's Scott.

Do you have an appreciation for the

amount of work that went into these?

-I ought to. I did it myself.

-Wow. Gee.

It bored him to death.

I talked about it nonstop.

Well, that is six months

working with leather and red thread.

-How much fun was he to be with?

-Heaven.

-I make all this stuff.

-He's very talented.

-You must be very proud, Mary.

-"Proud Mary"!

Oh, my goodness!

Who are you all of a sudden?

-Good baby-boomer gag.

-Who are you in the burgundy jacket?

-Good heavens!

-Mr. Hip!

-Move your feet. Move.

-Gotcha.

Stop it.

-You're quick enough on the draw.

-I'll say.

-Thank you, Mr. Handyman.

-Yes, sir.

-Tanka up.

-Tanka.

Hi, Terry?

Hi. Yeah, we're here.

Where were you?

So, how's everything?

Did he eat the pte?

Did you put the vitamins in?

Okay. Did he go poop?

Rate this script:2.7 / 3 votes