Bewitched Page #5

Aunt Clara?

Oh, Aunt Clara.

Oh, thank goodness you're here.

I am in the middle of a total,

total crisis at work. I'm quitting.

You mustrt quit.

The show must go on.

Isabel, are you all right?

Oh, my friends... I have friends...

They don't know we're witches.

Mum's the word.

You know, there was an Aunt Clara

on the original Bewitched.

What a coincidence!

She was a witch.

So am I.

She was always screwing up.

- Really?

- I have made up my mind.

I am quitting tomorrow and I'll do

something else, like sailing...

...or polishing fruit.

It's too bad you're not a witch,

you could put a hex on Jack.

Oh, I can. I certainly can.

Who is Jack?

The reason I'm quitting.

Well, why not put a hex on him.

Because I'm giving it up.

- Just a little one.

- Aunt Clara.

Just to get him to behave.

I'll do it.

And then I can keep my job.

Which would help my self-esteem.

You know, there's only

one problem with a hex.

There's no such thing as magic.

So...

...what's your idea,

Little Miss Doubtful?

- Well, I have a Taser.

- Nina.

I think we should Taser him and throw

him into the shark tank at SeaWorld.

No. You think we should do a hex.

I think we should do a hex.

Pinch of jasmine.

Wolfbane.

Grapefruit pith.

Grapefruit pith.

I feel so alive.

I feel like one of those people

I'd make fun of.

I feel like I believe in unicorns.

Did I put in the wolfbane?

I can't remember.

- Aunt Clara.

- Thank you, darling. Thank you.

Oh, well.

Isabel.

Isabel, bo-bel

Bonana-fana fo-fel

Fee-fy-fo-fel

Isabel

"The Name Game"!

- Oh, boy.

- Good morning.

Randall, take that stupid sign

off that machine.

Free cappuccinos for everyone.

- How we doing? Anyone seen Isabel?

- No, why?

Because I miss her.

- Listen, Jack.

- Yes?

We got the test scores

from the pilot...

How did Isabel do?

Ninety-nine percent in the top box!

Why didn't you tell me?

This is great news.

Of course she got a 99 percent.

Because she's dynamite.

Absolute dynamite.

High-fives all the way around.

But, Jack, there is a problem.

Your scores...

Thirty-two percent.

That's better than zero, huh?

You know what?

That's constructive criticism.

The dog scored higher than me.

He's a cute dog.

What do the comment cards say?

Oh, they don't really...

"Jack Wyatt is a real tool."

But a good tool. Like a Jacksaw!

You know what? Who cares? This just

means we got hard work to do, okay?

Hey, I never said I was perfect.

The important thing is Isabel.

- Isabel.

- Yeah, no question.

- Agreed?

- Totally on board.

Good morning, everyone.

There she is!

Is it just my imagination, or is the room

actually brighter with her here?

Look at this bundle

of miraculous talent.

Forget 99, I give her 100! 100!

Rehearsing!

"Interior, apartment, day.

Samantha and Darrin are sitting

in their overcrowded apartment."

Darrin, I think we should buy a house

and I found one that I love.

You nailed that!

I'm about to have a heart attack.

Isn't she great?

And now I kiss her, because

she's in love with our new house.

Oh, you can't kiss me.

I'm not in this scene.

- You're not in the scene?

- No.

No, no, no. She isn't in the scene?

This isn't happening! What?!

She has to be in every scene!

Okay?

Rewrite! Go! Rewrite.

Everyone, Isabel needs a joke.

I would love a joke.

One joke, coming up.

Oh, and then I kiss her

because she's so funny.

And a job. She needs a job.

Yes! Yes! Make this woman the CEO

of a multinational corporation.

- Good idea, Jack.

- No. Great idea.

And then I kiss her

because she's so powerful.

It's too much, what happened?

Aunt Clara. Aunt Clara?

Please pick up the phone,

something terrible is happening.

Something terrible is happening.

I know, I know.

It wasrt supposed to, and...

You should never,

ever get involved with an actor.

I'm not involved with him,

I don't think.

- Witch's honor?

- What?

I'm just being Endora.

Isabel, actors look normal,

sometimes better than normal.

But deep down,

there is no deep down.

I thought you were safe.

He loathed you.

What on earth happened?

A little witchcraft, I suspect.

Even though we werert going to do it,

were we, darling?

I'm Nigel Bigelow, I'm Isabel's father.

How do you do?

Daddy, we talked about this,

remember?

- I'm...

- I know who you are.

I've seen everything

you've ever done.

Lysistrata in Florence,

Blithe Spirit in New York.

- Daddy!

- But your Endora is a marvel.

It comes so easily, really.

Oh, yes, because I am a witch.

- Oh, really?

- Oh, yes.

I put out all the lights in

Leicester Square just by walking past.

Oh, tell me more.

Tell me everything.

- Oh, please come in.

- Charmed.

This is just... What...?

Isabel!

Hey! Isabel! Isabel!

Hi! Listen, maybe we could go

to dinner tonight. God, I'm so nervous.

- I don't think so, I have to get home.

- We won't make it a date.

I'll just happen to stop by

and ask if you're hungry.

- No.

- Yes! That's a yes!

- No!

- I'll be by at great.

I mean, I'll be by at 8.

Stop by if you need anything.

I'm right here. Okay.

Aunt Clara!

Undo it! Undo it!

You overdid it! Undo it!

- Oh, dear.

- Aunt Clara!

I'm not too sure how to undo it.

Undoing it's not the same as doing it.

He wants to have dinner.

This isn't what I wanted.

Lorna Doone?

No!

Darling, I'm sure you can undo the hex

if you really want to.

I'm expected in Japan.

That certainly didn't work, did it?

Aunt Clara?

Aunt Clara,

come back here right now.

He's gonna be here any minute.

Aunt Clara!

But that doesn't matter,

because I'm not going out with him.

No, no, I'm not. I'm not!

Oh, I'd better...

Oh, who cares what I look like.

I'm just gonna undo the hex.

I'm not even gonna bother

dressing up.

I'm just gonna open the door,

undo it and slam the door in his face!

Hey. I just happened to be in the

neighborhood with these roses...

...and a Cat Stevens CD...

...and this bracelet...

...and I thought I'd stop by.

- You're sweating.

- Like a pig.

Oh, how divine.

You look stunning.

No! Ravishing.

You look "stunnishing."

Is this your purse?

You're not too cold, are you?

- No.

- You're not too warm?

Okay.

- Are we going somewhere?

- Dinner.

Here. Here you go.

I wanna know everything.

You talk, okay?

I'm just gonna listen.

Shed your radiance

and I'll just soak it up like a plant.

Start in kindergarten.

I didn't go to kindergarten.

I was homeschooled.

You were homeschooled? So was I.

How amazing. That's freaky.

I'm getting chills.

Yeah, that is kind of amazing.

My parents were hippies.

Were yours?

- No.

- That's so weird!

My parents were hippies,

and yours werert. What are the odds?

But we did have incense

and candles.

- So did we.

- You did?

To this day,

incense makes me puke.

Yes, me too!

- Amazing!

- Wow.

I brought duck.

I love duck.

So do I. How amazing is that?

Well, most people love duck.

You know what? No, they don't.

Wait. I wrote you a song.

No one's ever written me a song.

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