Bewitched Page #7

That is a profoundly true thing.

Would you like a water chestnut?

I'd love a water chestnut.

I'm gonna teach you

everything I know...

...starting with...

...the eye thing.

The famous crazy-eye thing

of mine.

Okay?

This almost won me

a Golden Globe.

Almost.

- Is that it?

- That's good.

Oh, that's even better.

This is the "I just realized things

are worse than they seem" thing.

Also known as "the Yikes Take."

Yikes!

Wow.

Yikes!

- That was terrible.

- It's okay.

- No, I was terrible.

- I don't think mine was good, either.

That's it. I'm out of tricks.

- What about the funny walk you do?

- The funny walk?

- You don't wanna see the walk.

- I do.

Funny walk is embarrassing.

I'd like to see it.

Yeah?

Okay. Let's go to our place.

Magic hour.

- Is that it?

- That's great.

It's much harder than it looks.

Five, six, seven, eight.

- Move back!

- Hey!

Something magical happened

all by itself.

Table read in 10 minutes!

Okay, close it up!

- Good morning, everyone.

- Morning, Jack.

Look, Jack, I just need to talk to you

about a couple of these things.

Number one,

we're thinking about moving...

...the whole kitchen scene.

Just... It's such...

It's a funny scene.

It's really funny.

We'd like to get it in a little earlier.

So probably what we're gonna do is

switch it with the office.

But we're gonna drop that

to a little later on in the show.

Dude. Dudes, are you watching Jack

throw the vibe to Isabel right now?

How are you?

I'm great.

That's for you.

Thank you.

- Call me.

- That's fantastic.

Stop.

Fine.

Yeah. I mean,

I can find something for him.

I'll put him in a little part with maybe

no lines or anything like that.

What is going on

between you and Jack?

Nothing is going on.

We had a date and we kissed...

...and now we just wanna spend

all of our time together.

That is the very definition

of something going on.

And you know what?

I didn't use any tricks. I am trick-free.

Oh, my God, it's her.

- Who?

- Jack's wife.

I saw a picture of her in InStyle

when she was the fashion "don't."

Excuse me. I'm looking for Jack.

You must be Samantha.

You look just like the old one.

Thank you so much.

Oh, excuse me.

Love the nose.

Good work.

There he is. There's my guy.

I've missed him so much.

Let's just say the "Do Not Disturb" sign

will be on the doorknob tonight.

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, God!

Help me lift it. Help me lift it.

Slowly, slowly, slowly.

That was a little harsh.

I've missed him so much.

Let's just say the "Do Not Disturb" sign

will be on the doorknob tonight.

- Sheila.

- Hi, baby.

What are you doing here?

You want my car?

My grandmother's brooch.

Oh! You want more money.

Ding-ding-ding! Correct answer.

No.

- I want you back.

- What about Captain Underpants?

I'm through with him.

I love you, Jack.

Oh, wait, wait, I get it. You heard

that the show's getting picked up.

I heard it's gonna be a hit.

But so what?

I want you. I want my husband.

You know, a week ago

I would've fallen for that.

But now there's someone else.

Someone who's incapable of guile.

What's guile?

I'm not gonna do it.

I think it means tricks.

- I love you, baby.

- No, I'm not.

Maybe I will.

- What the heck is going on?!

- Joey.

This place is spooked. I quit.

Joey. Joey, come back here.

Get me a mirror! Jack!

- Jack!

- Are you okay?

Am I okay?!

And one more time.

I'm fine. And I'm signing

the divorce papers right now.

You are?

Maybe two.

And I'm moving out of the house

this afternoon.

Where are you going?

Reykjavk.

- Where is it?

- Iceland.

I love ice.

Goodbye, everyone!

I'm off to Reykjavk!

Oh, my God.

Everyone, did you just see that?

She's gonna sign the papers!

This is incredible.

- Isabel.

- Party at my house!

- Isabel.

- Party at my house!

You're out of control.

Every time I think I have things

nailed down, I just lose it.

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.

It's gonna be okay.

Oh, whoa. Who is that?

No, Maria. No.

Too late.

Second of all, like...

Everyone, can I have your attention,

please? I just wanna say a few words.

Randall, can we deal with this?

Thank you.

Where do I start? What a night.

Is everyone having fun? Yeah?

Great. I'm so grateful

for so many things tonight.

The show, all of you amazing

and talented people...

...and especially Isabel.

To a woman who'd never trick me

into thinking...

...she was something she wasrt.

From now on,

everyone tells the truth. Okay?

Except if I don't look good,

say I do anyway.

Isabel, you are a beautiful person.

And that's the truth.

- Cheers.

- Cheers!

Have a great time.

Cheers.

Don't break anything, okay?

- We won't, Jack.

- Thank you.

I hope that touching speech...

...hasn't made you think

that you should tell the truth.

- I'm going to.

- Oh, don't be silly.

And he's gonna accept me. He's got to.

You can't live with a secret like that.

Of course you can.

For thousands of years.

Don't do it. Big mistake. Wort work.

Well, hello there.

Now, don't tell me...

Coconut shrimps.

Oh, yes. Would you like one?

Yes. Thank you.

Do you know, you're quite fetching.

And I'm Nigel Bigelow.

Yes. I will sleep with you because

I have a thing for father figures.

Well, that's great, then.

But in the morning, I will not get

...and I'll go on and on about

opening an aerobics center in Agoura.

Are you looking for me?

Missing you, actually.

- How strange.

- Not really.

I'm just gonna say it like it's

a completely matter-of-fact thing.

- Guess what.

- What?

I'm a witch.

- Guess what.

- What?

I'm a Clippers fan.

Yeah, it's not like it's a big deal.

I'm not a bad witch, and we're getting

it out there and telling the truth, right?

Right. And I'm not just a fan.

I made the mistake of buying

courtside seats.

No, no, no, really. Jack. Jack, I am.

I, Isabel Bigelow, I'm a witch.

Okay, great. So you're a witch.

Come on, let's make out

in the hall closet.

- Jack.

- Okay, okay, I'll play along.

Like it's an improv. Prove it.

So I just said, "Listen, you guys,

I believe Cher has another hit in her."

- Really?

- Yeah.

Wow, fantastic trick.

Not a trick.

Whoa! How'd you do that?

To the most powerful witch ever.

Can you make an umbrella appear

in this drink?

- I can.

- Really?

That's amazing.

I had no idea you were

an amateur magician.

Hey. Wait. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, I'm talking to you.

Hey, Isabel. I'm...

Jack, listen to me, I was born a witch,

my parents are witches, I'm a witch.

- A real witch.

- That's right, Isabel.

- You go, girl.

- Isabel, you tell him.

That is cool. That's great.

You are very frustrating.

Do you have some Daniel Day-Lewis

thing happening here?

How's it going?

I'm leaving.

Thank you.

Hey there. I have hepatitis C.

Isabel? Isabel.

Isabel, what's going on?

Come back to the party.

What are you...?

Where are you going? What...?

Wow. That's really cool.

Did Props make that?

- I keep trying to tell you...

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