Billy Madison Page #5

(rock music from car )

(laughter )

- (student ) Nice shirt.

- Yeah. Yep.

(bell rings )

Now the cell's happy. But other molecules

are saying ''We'd like some energy too.''

And it uses its own pigment molecule,

chlorophyll, to carry out the action.

This does not make the ribosomes happy.

And poor chlorophyll is caught

in the middle of this.

Chlorophyll? More like ''bore-ophyll''!

Right?

- Jeez, a little bit stuffy in here, huh?

- Don't talk to me.

- And why is that?

- Because you're a loser.

(teacher ) ..from these ribosomes.

And chlorophyll helps the chloroplast...

No, I will not make out with you!

Did you hear that? This girl wants to

make out with me in the middle of class!

You got ''chlorophyll man'' up there

talkin' about God knows what.

All she's talking about is makin' out with

me. I'm here to learn, not to make out.

Go on with the chlorophyll.

O'Doyle rules.

Thanks a lot, O'Doyle. Nice meetin' you.

(giggling )

- Wait till they start with the wedgies.

- Yeah.

You oughta start cutting your underwear

before you get to school. So it rips easier.

I see. Who are you guys?

The guys everybody used to pick on

before you started here.

No, they ain't pickin' on me. They're givin'

me a hard time cos I'm the new guy.

A little first-day hazing.

- Are you in loser denial or something?

- I had a bad case of loser denial myself.

Till the lacrosse team stuck

a parking cone up my ass.

Loser? I ain't no loser.

I was the king of this high school.

A hundred friends, a million parties...

You guys are losers, not me.

And that is what a prime number is.

(children ) Billy!

I figured I got fourth period off,

I'd shoot down and say hi.

- How's high school, Billy?

- Yeah, how's high school?

High school is great.

I mean, I'm learning a lot.

And all the kids are treating me

very nice. It's great.

Gee, I can't wait till I go to high school.

Don't you say that.

Don't you ever say that.

Stay here.

Stay as long as you can.

For the love of God, cherish it.

(Veronica ) Jennifer,

why don't you read out loud?

You gotta cherish it.

You do.

Hm.

I don't understand it.

I mean, ten years ago high school

was the greatest. I had so much fun.

I guess a little too much fun,

since you've gotta do it again.

I know. It's just that classes are so hard,

and all the kids treat me like I'm a goof.

Well, you are a goof.

Suck it up. Eight more weeks

and you're all set.

Yeah, you're right. You're so smart.

- I gotta go, OK?

- OK.

Billy, wait.

It doesn't feel so great

to be called a loser, does it?

No.

Maybe the first time

you went to high school,...

..you weren't as nice to the kids

that you thought were losers.

I know what you're sayin'.

You're so smart.

(phone rings )

Hello?

- Hi. Is this Danny McGrath?

- Yeah.

The Danny McGrath that graduated

from Knibb High School in 1984?

- Uh, yeah. Who's this?

- This is Billy Madison.

You probably don't remember me,

but I went to high school with you.

I kinda gave you a hard time back then,...

..and I did some things that

I thought were funny at the time,...

..but now I realise they

were just mean and stupid.

And I just wanted to apologise,

and I hope you forgive me.

Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it.

Wow! That's great!

Well, I am sorry, and maybe

we can get together some time...

..and have coffee or somethin'.

- Sure, I'd like that.

- OK. Well, I'll see you around.

OK. Bye.

(~ 'Telephone Line'

by Electric Light Orchestra )

Speak for yourself, moron.

Oh, my God! That is funny!

Next.:
the shocking story of power

and corruption involving a hotel tycoon.

How his 27-year-old millionaire son

cheated his way through school.

- What the hell...?

- Now, now. Maybe it's somebody else.

My name is Max Anderson,...

..and I am the principal

at the Polly Fector Elementary School.

Recently a young man named

Billy Madison was enrolled there.

During that time

Mr Madison was disruptive.

The only reason he passed was that

he offered me a bribe of $5,000,...

.. which I regrettably accepted.

I'm sorry, Billy.

(reporter ) That was Principal Anderson

of Polly Fector Elementary School.

Dad! He's lyin'!

You made a fool out of me.

This was a mistake from the beginning.

Brian, I got some interim

forecasts for you to...

- Why is everybody so glum?

- You seriously don't believe me?

That's right. I seriously don't believe you.

The deal's off. Eric's got the company.

Wow. Good news for me.

I can't believe this is happening right now.

Are you gonna come to class on Monday?

Wouldn't make much sense now, would it?

Stupid idea in the first place.

(~ 'Renegade' by Styx )

~ They finally found me

~ The renegade who had it made

~ Retrieved for a bounty

~ Never more to go astray

~ This'll be the end today

of the wanted man

Better get up outta this bed!

~ I've been years on the lam

And had a high price on my head

~ Lawman said 'Get him dead or alive'...

(Billy howling )

Yoo-hoo!

Hello!

Billy's here!

Hey, baby!

You lookin' hot tonight!

- Billy, what has happened to you?

- We're gonna go on a date.

You, me, Jack and Frank...

..are gonna go around puttin' sh*t

on people's doorsteps...

..and we're gonna set it on fire.

Billy, why are you acting like this?

I know that you didn't pay off Max.

Well, that makes two of us, then, baby,...

..but it takes more than two to tango.

Or somethin' like that.

- So let's go.

- No, let's stay.

And the three of you can light dog sh*t

on my living-room floor.

- Come on, Billy, you know that...

- Talky, talky, talky.

No more talky.

You got a lighter in here?

Oh.

I see what's goin' on in here.

So sorry to interrupt!

Proceed.

Billy, you're losing your mind.

All right, boys' night out!

Let's go!

(snoring )

Ow!

I need to talk to you.

Jeez!

What's goin' on, man?

I think Billy and his girlfriend

are playin' water polo or somethin'.

Hey, maybe they're playin' Marco Polo.

Marco.

- Jeez, that was a great game.

- Yeah.

I got an idea for you.

Instead of being an idiot every day,...

..why don't you go back to school,

graduate and get the company?

Cos I don't want it any more.

- What do you mean, you don't want it?

- I got somethin' comin' outta my nose?

I can't believe I liked someone

who could roll over and die.

I ain't rollin' over and dyin'. I was set up.

And, worst of all, nobody believes me.

I believe you, Billy. And I believe in you.

You know, some people have no willpower,

no brains, no vision.

They just drift through life

like lumps of crap.

What is she talkin' about?

And you have all those things.

You're just afraid to use 'em.

Don't be. You say you're not a loser,

Billy Madison. So win.

~ Yes, I will go back to school

~ And achieve victory

~ No man will take

what my father has built

~ Unless that man is me

~ My Billy, sweet Billy boy

~ I knew you would go back

~ No one can stop you if you try

~ Don't I have a nice rack?

~ Veronica, I thank you

~ For beating the sh*t out of me

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