Billy Madison Page #6

~ I see things so clearly now

~ I choose my destiny

Oh, Billy, I knew you had it in ya.

~ We're here to help you, Billy

~ Get back in school to stay

~ You gotta work real hard and stick it out

~ Till graduation day

~ Hey, kids, it's me

~ I bet you thought that I was dead

~ But when I fell over I just broke my leg

~ And got a haemorrhage in my head

~ There are obstacles in the way

- ~ But together we shall overcome

- ~ Overcome

~ Cos you can't break our spirit

and you can't kill our dream

~ Do you have any more gum,

more gum, more gum, more gum?

~ Do you have any more gum?

Oh. Hello, kids.

Mr Anderson, is that you?

Oh.

Yes, actually, it is.

This is just... Well, this is...

Normally I don't allow children to be

in my home without parental supervision.

So why don't you just run on... Oh, boy.

It sure is great to have all you kids come

surprise me like this at my home, but I...

Mr Anderson, Billy said the stuff

that you said didn't happen.

Is he lying or are you lying?

Oh, well, listen, kids.

It's not always as simple as all that.

The statement I made about Billy Madison

was and is completely untrue.

No.

I know now that I shall

never escape my fate...

- ..as the Revolting Blob.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

(Anderson ) It's something

I must learn to live with.

Joyce?

What a mess.

First this psycho goes on TV,

lies, then retracts it.

And now Eric's secretary is in a coma.

Carl, has anybody been able to find out

anything about this Max guy?

No, sir. He's vanished.

Nobody has any idea where he is.

- I believed in Billy all along, sir.

- Cut the horseshit!

- I know you blackmailed Max.

- Take it easy, Billy.

Things were going along great until

this wrestling freak messed things up.

Billy should get

another shot at high school.

Hey, rules are rules. Billy was supposed to

finish each grade within the two weeks...

..or I get the company.

He didn't finish ninth grade.

Eric, certainly there are

extenuating circumstances.

Extenuating, exschmenuating.

We had a deal. A signed, written deal.

Each grade, two weeks,

or I get the company.

Well, technically you're right, but...

Oh, shut up, Brian. I've had

to listen to your jawing for too long.

''Well, technically...''

Just shut up! Are you ready

to hand the company over to me now?

- No.

- Then I'll see your ass in court.

Good.

Nice talkin' to ya, shitheads.

Hey, Eric, how would you like

to settle this now, no lawyers?

You and me, mano y mano.

- What does that mean?

- What does that mean?

- Carl, what does that mean?

- Uh... I don't know.

It means an academic decathlon.

One day, ten events, testing all the

knowledge one would gain in high school.

Me versus you.

- You're joking, right?

- Let's take it a little easy here, Billy.

No, I'm serious. Let's do it.

Let's do it on Friday.

- Let's do it.

- Is that all right with you, Daddy?

Well, if you think you can beat him.

Oh, I can. And I will.

- It's a deal.

- (whispers ) I know it was you.

You broke my heart.

Here are the trigonometry hand-outs.

Last year's physics notes.

Best I could do.

Thanks a lot, fellas. You're saving my life.

O'Doyle rules.

O'Doyle, I got a feeling

your whole family's goin' down.

But for now I gotta study.

(Veronica ) Norman invasion of England.

That is correct.

The Magna Carta.

1215?

Yes.

Spanish Armada.

1466?

'67? 1469?

1514?

1981? 1986?

Please do not do that. Come on, I swear...

Just hang in there one second.

Please, God, give me the answer!

Buenos dias.

Buenas tardes.

Buenas noches.

(speaks French very quickly )

Slow down.

(speaks French very quickly )

Oh(!)

Spanish Armada...

That is correct.

Ladies and gentlemen, thanks to

a generous donation by Mr Madison...

..to the Knibb High School library, I have

been able to arrange for ten teachers...

..to administer this academic decathlon

in various courses of study.

However, if there is any attempt

by either contestant to cheat,...

..especially with my wife, who is a dirty,

dirty tramp, I am just gonna snap.

Do I make myself clear?

- Yes, sir.

- Yes, sir.

All right, then.

Let the academic decathlon begin.

(Billy laughs )

Second team, all-American, Harvard track.

Is that right?

Oh, gross! Did you see that guy's balls?

Yeah, they were weird-lookin'.

Whoa!

(tuneful melody )

(squeaking )

He's good.

To be, or not to be:

that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows

of outrageous fortune...

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them?

To die:
to sleep;

No more.

(boy ) Billy!

Hey, hey, hey. Who rules?

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

(explosion )

Good afternoon, students.

You've been invited here today

to witness the tenth and final event...

..in the competition between

Mr Eric Gordon and Mr Billy Madison.

As of this moment, Mr Madison

is ahead by one point.

Each competitor will select

the final category for his opponent.

Mr Madison will go first.

Mr Gordon, choose the topic.

English Literature.

US Presidents.

My Wife, the Tramp.

Burning Dog Poo

and the Human Response.

Reflections of Society in Literature.

Reflections of Society in Literature.

Good luck, schmuck.

Mr Madison.

The Industrial Revolution changed

the face of the modern novel for ever.

Discuss, citing specific examples.

(yelling )

(clears throat )

Uh...

Come on!

OK.

The Industrial Revolution, to me,

is just like a story I know...

..called The Puppy Who Lost His Way.

The world was changing...

..and the puppy was getting... bigger.

So, you see, the puppy was like industry,...

..in that they were both

lost in the woods,...

..and nobody, especially the little boy -

society - knew where to find them.

Except that the puppy... was a dog.

But the industry, my friends,...

..that was a revolution.

Knibb High football rules!

Mr Madison, what you've just said...

..is one of the most insanely

idiotic things I have ever heard.

At no point in your rambling,

incoherent response...

..were you even close to anything that

could be considered a rational thought.

Everyone in this room is now dumber

for having listened to it.

I award you no points,

and may God have mercy on your soul.

OK. A simple ''wrong''

would have done just fine, but...

You remain one point ahead.

Mr Gordon, it is your turn.

Mr Madison, choose the topic.

I choose Business Ethics.

Mr Gordon. The American business

environment has fundamentally changed...

..following the insider trading

and savings and loan scandals.

Explain business ethics,

and how they are applied today.

The, uh, ethics of, uh, business...

..can be summarised in...

Yeah, um...

See...

Ethics are, uh...

You know, the... the thing about ethics...

Aagh!

That question was not fair!

That was not in the reading.

- I demand a new question.

- Take it easy, psycho.

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