Blades Of Glory Page #5

You could use a nickel's worth, junior.

Maybe if you released me

at that quarter-turn,

I wouldn't have to save your ass

with my landing.

It's called improvisation.

Even your precious Kenny G does it.

Well, at least they're getting

the moves down.

Yeah, but can they do it in front of

five judges and 30 million people?

(CHAZZ AND JIMMY ARGUING)

LAMPLEY:
Denver, Colorado,

last stop on the road

to the World Wintersport Games

in Montreal.

The finest skaters from all over

the country have trained tirelessly,

for years for their chance

to make it onto the world stage.

But all those stories

have been eclipsed now

by what many dub

the Sideshow of the Century.

The male-male pair of Jimmy MacElroy

and Chazz Michael Michaels.

The anxiety was palpable

when they arrived this morning

as the skating community

continued to voice its outrage.

Those two are turning this sport

into a freak show.

As if figure skating

wasn't gay enough already.

Let me show you something.

Does that look right to you?

Nothing in here about two men skating.

That blonde chick's a dude? Oh, man.

LAMPLEY:
Now let's join Stranz

and Fairchild Van Waldenberg

as they wind up their routine,

an edgy look at urban culture

told in the language of the streets.

(MARKY MARK SINGING

GOOD VIBRATIONS)

SCOTT:
And boy, look at them!

They are really having fun with this.

LAMPLEY:
The bling is king. This pair

is willing the crowd into a frenzy.

Come on! Come on!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

SCOTT:
Wow! Flawless, as always.

LAMPLEY:
These two blue-eyed funk

machines are going to find themselves

popping and locking their way

to the championship in Montreal.

SCOTT:
And those

good vibrations seem

to have spread all the way

through this arena.

What, what!

You guys are up.

SCOTT:
And now the moment

this crowd has been waiting for.

And how is this going to work?

Completely different skaters,

known to be enemies of one another,

combining to be the first male-male

pair team in the history of the sport.

LAMPLEY:
Either the locked-in

technical style of MacElroy

will not mesh

with Michaels' improvisations

or they create great music together

and reinvent the sport

in their own image.

(PERSON WHISTLING)

(MEN LAUGHING)

They're laughing at us.

They laughed at Louis Armstrong when

he said he was gonna go to the moon.

Now he's up there laughing at them.

(I DON'T WANT TO MISS A THING

PLAYING)

SCOTT:
Well, they titled this routine

"Fire and Ice."

They've always been that way

as competitors, as individuals

and now as a pair team?

So appropriate.

LAMPLEY:
So far, so good.

SCOTT:
Their first move's so difficult.

Throw triple Axel.

LAMPLEY:
First throw.

Man down.

SCOTT:
What an unbelievably

disastrous beginning to this routine!

I've never fallen once in competition.

Come on. Take my hand.

We can do this.

LAMPLEY:
And they're up.

CHAZZ:
Come on, Denver,

get off your asses!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Let's go!

SCOTT:
And the crowd responds.

It's the first time they've shown them

any level of support.

Side by side double Axels!

Beautifully delivered!

(AUDIENCE WHOOPING)

And again, a male-male pair team.

They're doing things

that no other pair would dare to do.

Incredible!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

So many moves in this programme

I've never heard of before.

Yes!

Unbelievable finish

to an incredible routine!

And they've won this crowd over!

Yes!

This might be enough

to send them to Montreal

as the first male-male representatives

this sport has ever seen.

History in the making.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(EXPLOSIONS)

Yeah!

(WHOOPS)

We love you, Denver!

City by the bay! John Denver!

- Was the fire really necessary?

- Ask them.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

- That's what I'm talking about!

- I'm so proud of you. Good job.

What up, homes?

You guys were great out there.

Thanks. I'm Jimmy.

I know. Katie.

I know.

I like your buttons.

CHAZZ:
Jimmy, come on.

The scores are up.

- Good luck.

- You, too.

Did you see that?

They were actually pretty good.

Yeah, they were really good. Way to go.

None of what they did

was on your video.

That's all right.

Let's not let them get into our heads.

Into our head?

Not only did we embarrass Marky Mark,

we let down the Funky Bunch.

MAN:
...5.9, 5.9, 5.8, 6.0!

- Yes! Yes!

- Oh, my gosh!

We're going to Montreal, b*tch!

(EXCLAIMS)

Well, it's all smiles

here in the Crest kiss and cry area.

You're the guys everybody's

talking about. How does it feel?

You know, we're just so grateful

for this wonderful opportunity

to be out here on the ice again...

Michaels and MacElroy are a freight

train from hell, okay?

We're going straight up

the ass of the competition, Scott.

(WHOOPING)

I'm not gonna say wow, but wow!

They got by on 97 percent adrenaline

and three percent bullshit.

If they wanna take home the gold,

they gotta do something spectacular.

Robert, I know where this is going.

How many times

do you have to make the same mistake?

Till I get it right.

You gotta trust me, Jesse.

I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life

in a cage of fear.

Top of the morning. And it is a beaut.

Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here.

Just thought you'd like to see

what a skater's body really looks like.

Go ahead, drink it in. Don't be shy.

Looking's for free.

Touching's gonna cost you something.

Checking out my ink?

Some people refer to me

as the Illustrated Man.

Each tattoo tells a different tale.

They're like chapters of my life.

Really? So, what's that one about?

That one represents the dragon lady.

You might know her as Michelle Kwan.

That's Michelle Kwan, most decorated

figure skater in US history?

- You tapped that?

- Sure did.

But perfection can drive a woman mad.

She was ready to quit,

hang up her skates

settle down and pop out

a few little Chazzlings.

I couldn't let her do it, not the way I roll.

So, what's that one with the horse?

My blonde Ukrainian she-devil.

Not Oksana Baiul?

At 16, she won the gold, turned pro,

and was named one of Barbara Walters'

most fascinating persons of 1994.

Yeah. But don't let her fool you.

She's as cold as the ice she skates on.

She's like dry ice.

Wait. She's colder than that.

- What's colder than dry ice?

- I don't know.

I'll tell you what is. Oksana.

What about that one on your shoulder?

Who's that?

That one? It's nothing.

What about you? You got any tats?

I had my face painted

at the Blueberry Festival one year.

Seems about right.

Well, I could have one.

I could have a killer one.

I have a crush on the enemy,

Katie Van Waldenberg.

Good choice, my man.

Yeah. How's that for forbidden love?

I have no idea, but I'd like to find out.

- Wait. What are you doing?

- I'm calling her. Or rather, you are.

- I can't do that. It's crazy.

- It's not crazy.

What am I supposed to say?

- No, you can't. I can't.

- It's ringing. Go.

(RINGING)

- Sorry.

- Maybe it's Nike.

Van Waldenberg Companies.

Talk. Relax.

Hi. It's Jimmy MacElroy. Is Katie there?

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