Blades Of Glory Page #8

in preparation for the pairs competition.

(WOMAN SPEAKING IN FRENCH

ON PA)

Thank you so much.

Oh, my gosh. Can you...

Sorry, Chazz. Nothing personal.

Actually, it's quite the opposite.

See, your days of

stealing the spotlight are over.

(CHUCKLES)

(CHAZZ GRUNTING)

You crazy bastard!

Damn it.

(GROANING)

What are you doing?

You are evil. Pure evil!

Your whole family's evil! Your brother.

And most of all, your sister.

Don't even think about putting us

in the same league.

If she was half the woman I was,

she would have done her job

and slept with your partner

like I told her to.

- She didn't?

- No.

She couldn't, because of you.

I don't get it.

Gross. Get me out of here!

Somebody help me!

Whoever invented rope

was a real a-hole.

I'm late, sis.

My hair is just not cooperating.

Oh, crap.

Okay.

Who's gonna save you now, Chazz?

Is Little Lord MacElroy gonna come

and meet you down here?

Oh, great.

Hey, there!

What are you doing there?

No. Wait, wait. It's okay. No.

Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

No, please!

(GRUNTING)

Let's do it, Chazz!

All right, Stranz.

Time for a little Chazzle Dazzle.

(EXCLAIMS)

Beautiful.

I'm coming, Chazz.

(BOYS GRUNTING)

(HORN BLARING)

(MAN SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(WOMAN SPEAKING IN FRENCH

ON PA)

Give me your hand.

- I won't hurt you.

- I'm coming for you, Chazz!

Damn it, Stranz.

Have you seen Jimmy?

I can't find him anywhere.

Oh, yeah. He was here a minute ago.

And if you find him, would you tell him

to get his ass down here?

I really appreciate this.

That man who's chasing us

is trying to kill me. So, thanks.

(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTING)

Who are you supposed to be anyway?

Rod Serling?

JFK.

- It's gonna make sense.

- No, no, no. It'll be fine. Yeah.

That's lame.

Try to get through that!

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

Don't make me kill her.

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Snowflake!

(GRUNTING)

(CRASHING)

(CHUCKLING)

ANNOUNCER:
From the United States,

the pairs team of

Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg.

LAMPLEY:
So, the favorites,

Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg

now taking the ice.

SCOTT:
As Marilyn Monroe and JFK,

they'll be dramatizing

a forbidden romance, Jim.

JFK:
I take pride in the words,

"Ich bin ein Berliner!"

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(PANTING)

WOMAN:
Calling for preparation on ice

of the United States team

of Michaels and MacElroy.

SCOTT:
Well, that was

an interesting take on American history.

LAMPLEY:
Indeed.

I think it's worth noting,

the fantastic attention to detail

this pair has demonstrated.

An absolutely seamless use of props

integrated into choreography,

that is both physically impressive

and artistically moving.

A rare ballet of ice and history.

And those scores keep Stranz

and Fairchild in first place,

but Michaels and MacElroy are up next.

Coach! Coach! Did I make it in time?

Where's Chazz?

Where the hell you been?

Your partner's not here in 30 seconds,

I have to disqualify you.

I know, I know.

We're finished. Done. That's it. It's over.

Damn it. Just like that.

Coach, he'll be here.

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

MAN:
Skaters to the ice.

Twenty seconds to disqualification.

SCOTT:
Jimmy MacElroy stands alone

at center ice.

And you have to wonder

what is going on.

LAMPLEY:
Well, this is

Rice without Montana.

Ali without Frazier.

Han Solo without Chewbacca.

CHAZZ:
Jimmy!

Hey, Jimmy! Jimmy!

Chazz!

Hey, I didn't sleep with Katie!

- I know!

- We didn't even get to second base.

Well, maybe I did.

What I felt in my pants

was weird and shameful.

Okay, we can discuss that later!

You kind of have to be down here

right now

or we're gonna be disqualified!

Katie is not a whore!

Okay, I get it! Just stop talking!

Okay! Okay!

- MAN:
Skaters to the ice.

- Hold on!

Ten seconds to disqualification.

Wow.

(PEOPLE GROANING)

(WHOOPING)

Yeah!

LAMPLEY:
Wow! A dramatic entrance

for Chazz Michael Michaels.

I'm okay!

I'm all right!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

I'm okay.

LAMPLEY:
And there's another

unique Michaels skill.

Out of his clothes in a hurry

when he has to.

And women's skating champion

Sasha Cohen

catches Michaels' jock strap.

I love you, Chazz!

(SCREAMING)

- I made it.

- I knew you would.

Let's capture the dream.

Capture the... I love it.

Where'd you come up with that?

- I have no idea where I came up with it.

- Cool.

- Let's kick some ice.

- Okay.

LAMPLEY:
Well, Scott, the boys seem to

be using a science fiction theme tonight.

Fitting, considering these two men

may very well be the future of the sport.

Well, I'll tell you something, Jim.

SCOTT:
It's like these two men did

beam in from outer space,

to flip this sport inside out.

(FLASH GORDON THEME PLAYING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

The lights are on and so is this crowd.

A Mr. Roboto to start the routine.

And they hit it beautifully!

LAMPLEY:
Everything they do

is drenched in drama.

(BLADES CLASHING)

Side-by-side skate clashes.

SCOTT:
And more sparks!

Look at the athleticism here!

No other pair in the world could do this!

LAMPLEY:
Fireworks display

in Montreal.

SCOTT:
Incredible.

What are you doing?

We're freestyling.

You're the steak, I'm the sizzle.

We didn't practice that.

Do it for Katie.

Burn up the ice with your red hot love.

SCOTT:
Michaels and MacElroy

turn up the thermostat.

These guys put the "bone" in Zamboni.

It's over.

All the endorsements, everything gone.

Oh, my God, I can't get a real job.

It'll kill me.

God, I have to do everything

in this family.

(GROANS)

LAMPLEY:
A serious stumble

in an otherwise perfect routine.

Perfection's what they need if

they want to beat Stranz and Fairchild.

- I think I broke my ankle.

- What?

I'm gonna put some weight on it to see.

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

LAMPLEY:
I don't know, Scott.

I'm not sure, interpretive dance moves

are gonna win these judges over.

- What the hell are they doing?

- Something's wrong.

I can't do the Lotus

with a shattered ankle.

I'm just a man, for God's sake.

We'll switch places.

I swear to God, if you cut my head off.

They're going for the Iron Lotus,

in reverse.

My God.

This is happening all over again.

LAMPLEY:
They're picking up speed

for something spectacular.

SCOTT:
Looks like

they might be trying something

I have never seen done.

It is the fabled Iron Lotus.

No! Don't do it! I was wrong!

It's suicide!

(AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

SCOTT:
And they nail it!

Unbelievable performance!

This crowd is going wild!

They're on their feet!

LAMPLEY:
I never thought I'd see it with

my own eyes, the fabled Iron Lotus!

A historic event here in Montreal.

Michaels and MacElroy

have brought the legend to life.

Scott, I seem to have wet my pants.

Chazz, Chazz. We did it!

- Did we win?

- I don't know.

I think I see the Virgin Mary.

No. That's not her.

(CHAZZ GROANING)

We got you, Mr. Michaels. Let's go.

CHAZZ:
Oh, I don't wanna die.

NURSE:
You'll be okay.

- I don't wanna die.

- Take a huff of that. Here we go.

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