Blockers Page #4

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I'd really like to talk to you.

But I really gotta go.

Okay, fine.

Just don't forget your wrap.

It's okay.

- I don't think I need it.

- Are you sure?

Because we live in Chicago,

and it's chilly.

I don't know

about other places,

but it gets cold in Illinois.

It's not that cold tonight,

so I don't

- think I need it, okay?

- Okay, Julie, wait.

So you'll call me when you get

to Austin's after prom, right?

Right.

Okay.

- Okay.

- I love you.

Okay. I-I love you.

Okay!

Whew.

- (engine starts)

- Mm. Okay.

(squealing, shouting)

- (whooping)

- CONNOR:
This is so cool!

- (cheering)

- Blow it out!

(whooping)

- CONNOR:
Chad, I, um...

- (cell phone dinging)

I saw you do Pippin

last year.

- That was really good. - Oh.

- KAYLA:
Nice. - (Sam chuckling)

CONNOR:
Yeah, you're a

really good singer, man.

- What are you doing this year?

- Yeah. Um, we're actually

doing Arnold, which is

an all-male version of Annie.

- CONNOR:
Okay.

- RUDY:
Caught you drinking.

(laughs)

Just kidding, y'all.

I may look like a parent,

but I assure you, I am no narc.

Thank you, sir.

Not done yet. Name's Rudy.

I did not go to my prom.

No, my leg was crushed

by a cement truck,

so I could not dance, but...

So I've made it

my mission in life...

well, my whole career...

to make sure

that little kids like you

have a wonderful night

to remember forever.

So just sit back, relax

and enjoy your prom night.

- (laughter, whooping)

- Okay.

RUDY:
Oh, f***,

that was the turn! F***!

MITCHELL:

Hey, Lis?

You got any S.O.S. pads?

I'm soaking those pans,

but you burnt the sh*t

out of that mac and cheese,

and...

sponge just isn't gonna cut it.

Thanks for helping clean up.

Don't mention this one.

I mean, Marcie brought the baby

home early, and...

I got to keep busy.

I got to keep my mind off

of Kayla and "Connor."

That's not the right way

to use those.

'Cause his name

is actually Connor.

So...

It's okay.

- UCLA?

- Uh-huh.

I didn't mean to snoop,

but I'm...

No, no. It's okay.

I mean, I don't think

it's a real thing.

She's not actually gonna go.

I think she just applied

for fun.

She didn't... Why?

Have you heard differently?

I would assume it's to go,

but she very well

could have applied ironically.

You... you know millennials,

right?

- Hmm. Mm-hmm.

- And wherever she goes,

you can have a bunch of time

on your hands.

Can figure out

what you want to do

for the back nine of your life.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

(computer chiming)

I think Julie

left her laptop open.

Julie's doing a lot of texting.

- Mm-hmm.

- Is everything okay?

Maybe we should check to see?

- Peace of mind.

- Yeah.

(chiming continues)

MITCHELL:

What the hell is that?

LISA:

I have no idea.

(toilet flushes)

What are you still doing here?

Hey, your, uh...

your mac and cheese

is messed up.

(computer chiming)

Are you guys snooping

on your kids?

That is not cool.

No, it's not snooping

if the information shows up.

That's exactly

what snooping is.

No, it's like the Patriot Act.

It's...

Well, it's not like

the Patriot Act.

- It's like snooping.

- LISA:
Okay, we don't know

what they're talking about,

so...

- What?

- Okay.

Oh, is it like puzzles?

Ooh, ooh! I love puzzles.

Just saw Inferno.

MITCHELL:
Yeah, great.

What are they saying?

Okay, so there's something

about an eggplant hand...

- handshake.

- Eggplant agreement.

Yeah. They got an agreement

to make eggplant parmesan.

No, eggplants are d*cks

in teenage emoji language.

- What?

- LISA:
You know what, that's true.

Julie told me that...

that the emojis have...

- they all have secret meanings.

- Mm-hmm.

So, like, trees are weed,

and snowflakes are cocaine,

and that thing is "yas queen."

- Yas queen!

- What the hell is that?

- You've never heard of "yas queen"?

- No.

All right, grandpa.

Hold on. Julie is making...

some kind of a dick-related

agreement here.

Kayla is in on the agreement.

- No f***ing way.

- "Okay, clown face."

What the f*** does that mean?

That means she's down to clown.

- LISA:
Okay.

- MITCHELL:
Three eggplants?

And look at the drool coming

out of that smiley face.

You wish that was drool.

- That's come, my man.

- Stand down.

It is. Look, it's come.

He's like... (moans)

LISA:
This is sex

if I've ever seen it

- illustrated in emoji form.

- Oh, no, no, no. Maybe not.

They're best friends.

They're just saying, like,

"You're okay with me.

You're okay to me.

- You're okay to me."

- You say that to your friends?

Whenever I see my friends,

I go,

"Hey, you're okay with me."

- I don't use these.

- HUNTER:
Hold on.

Agreement hands,

agreement hands,

agreement hands. This is a...

It's a sex agreement.

- They're making a sex pact.

- (Mitchell stammers)

They're gonna lose

their virginity on prom night.

That cannot be a sex pact.

That? That is friendship.

And that is... that is the bond

of friendship

that can never be broken.

- I mean, maybe. - Yeah.

- (computer chimes)

Oh, look, they wrote

"Sex Pact 2018."

I f***ing knew it!

I love puzzles.

I told you guys.

Have you seen Inferno?

- Lis, have you seen Inferno?

- Call your kid.

Have you guys seen Inferno?

I figured it out in two

seconds. Did you see Inferno?

The guy jumps off the thing

in the beginning.

He's got a virus. Have you seen

Inferno with Tom Hanks?

Okay. Okay, she's not

answering her phone.

Yeah, Kayla isn't, either.

Okay, what the heck

is happening?

She's always been honest

with me.

She's always told me the truth,

and now I'm just swimming

in a pool of lies.

Okay. Here's what's

gonna happen.

She's gonna have sex

with that Austin kid,

and then she's gonna think

that she has

all these feelings, which she

does not actually have,

then she's gonna drive

across country

and follow him

and ruin her f***ing life.

Okay, I think that's

a pretty big

leap to make when you read a...

I have invested

every single piece of my being

into preparing Kayla

for success, and now this?

She is about to have sex with

some dipshit with a "man bun."

You're not using those

in the right way.

Hey, can we all come back

to "planet Earth"?

'Cause this is not a big deal.

They're teenage girls.

They have sex.

Do you, like, freak out when

you see a bee f***ing a flower?

- I'm gonna stop her.

- I'm in.

Let's cock-block

those motherfuckers.

Whoa.

(stammers, makes buzzing sound)

No, sir. Uh-uh.

No, no, no, no.

I promised Sam the greatest

night of her life,

and if you guys f*** up

your daughters' night,

it's gonna f*** up

my daughter's night,

and that sh*t is "not cool."

I don't give a f***

what's cool with you.

Let's go, Mitchell.

I'll drive.

Hey, hey, hey, wait!

No, no, no.

You want to go?

You're gonna have

to go through me.

- (Lisa growls)

- Oh, Jesus.

Okay, you called my bluff.

Wait.

Wait! Hey, hey!

- Get off! Get off of me!

- Hey! Hey!

- Get off!

- It's not cool!

"It's not cool!"

Hey! What's the plan?

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