Blockers Page #8

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Are you sure that this

is how you want to do it?

Yes, Chad.

This is always

how I've imagined it.

Oh, you know, I'd rather leave

my shirt on, if that's sexier.

(chuckles)

I need another drink.

Wait, wait, uh...

Can you lube it up

with something first?

- Yeah, I'll just spit on it.

- No!

Why? Because I'm a man?

Get over yourself.

No, 'cause you're

f***ing gross,

and your f***ing

saliva's gross.

I have... I have lip gloss.

I have lip gloss.

- Got a lip gloss. We got a lip gloss.

- Okay, fine. Sh*t.

(hushed):

I don't have lip gloss.

- All right, guys, let's get those tubes in.

- (spits)

All right,

I got the lip gloss on there.

- Okay.

- Okay, okay.

- All right.

- Okay, ready?

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

- It's not in yet.

- Okay. - HUNTER: Chill.

LISA:
So it's just gonna be

on the count of three.

HUNTER:
You got this, dawg.

This is for your kid.

- On three. Okay. All right. Yeah.

- On three.

- Okay, one...

- One...

- Oh!

- HUNTER:
Are you okay?

- Okay, get your 40s.

- They got a lager and an IPA.

- (Mitchell groans)

- Does it... Doesn't-doesn't...

- It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

- LISA:
Okay.

- I don't know about this.

- No, no, no, no.

- It's too late. It's already in.

- Here you go.

It's in you.

It's part of you now.

- Ready? Set...

- Yeah.

Chug...!

ALL (chanting):
Butt chug!

Butt chug! Butt chug!

- Oh, wait.

- (chanting continues)

- Hey, hey.

- LISA:
Loosen up.

- It's not working, dude.

- I can't.

- You can hold my hand.

- Okay.

Butt chug! Butt chug!

- Ow!

- You're hurting her.

- LISA:
That really hurt!

- I'm sorry!

HUNTER:

Hey, man, listen.

Channel that energy

into your butthole.

- Breathe.

- This changes everything I know.

HUNTER:
Dude, if your daughter

could see you now,

she'd be so proud of you.

Whoa.

I am... I am tripping so hard.

It's not working.

It's not working, dude.

- Oh, it's terrible. Oh.

- MITCHELL:
It is.

CROWD:

Butt chug! Butt chug!

- Open up.

- No, I'm sorry.

- I-I can't do it, man.

- Focus! For your daughter.

F***, Mitch. Focus.

- You gotta breathe.

- You gotta open up, dude.

- Relax.

- I'm relaxed. I'm dilated.

I'm staring at your a**hole.

You're not dilated.

LISA:
Mitchell, you're gonna

lose to this punk b*tch?

Breathe. Take it in.

CROWD:

Butt chug!

(gurgling)

LISA:

There we go.

- Okay, good.

- Oh! Oh, it's working!

- It's working! It's working!

- Holy sh*t! Holy sh*t!

We're almost halfway done.

- (siren whooping)

- Po's! F***ing run!

- Cops? (grunts)

- (passes gas)

- Oh, no!

- (frantic chatter)

Ass beer! Oh, oh!

Lisa, the beer went

into my mouth!

I have to go to the hospital!

- (knocking at door)

- Hurry up! Get out of here!

BOTH:

Sh*t.

We got to go.

I got ass beer in my mouth.

I should go to the hospital.

- Oh, sh*t. The f***ing cops?

- (siren whooping)

- F***.

- The f***ing cops are here?

- Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

- I can't get the tube out.

- Pull the tube out.

- Lis, pull it out.

- No. I put it in.

- I had to spit on it!

- What? You spit on it?

- No, it was my lip gloss.

- It was lip gloss.

- Pull it out!

Hey, man, be gentle.

Be f***ing gentle, all right?

I'm gonna be gentle,

all right? Ready?

- All right, on three.

- On three.

- One.

- Ow!

(frantic chatter and yelling)

- Come on.

- Whoo!

Hey, guys. Guys.

Wait, wait.

Sam?

Sam, Sam! We're over here.

- No! No, I... No.

- She's...

- The night is over.

- No.

It's over. It's done.

The night is not over.

The night has just begun.

Jesus, Chad, use your legs.

I mean, I pretty much

carried her,

like, the whole way there.

(grunting)

Hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle!

CHAD:

Come on, Sam.

- Come with us.

- I can't.

My car is here.

But all my friends

are going to the hotel party.

Maybe I'll see you later.

RUDY:
Get in the car!

Go, go, go, girl!

- Sam! Seriously, hurry up!

- You'll see her later.

- You'll see her later.

- What are you doing?

Ooh, this night is not over,

I swear to Christ!

Dukes of Hazzard!

(grunts)

Racist-ass show anyway.

- I got the spins, man.

- We got to find our daughter, dawg.

- I'm gonna sit down for a second.

- Rudy!

- It's Rudy. Rudy.

- Rudy, Rudy, wait, wait!

There he goes, there he goes!

Hit the clicker!

- Open the doors!

- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

- Okay, sit.

- I got mine.

HUNTER:
Seat belts!

You'll get a big ticket.

- That's them right there.

- They're getting away.

- You gotta go faster. Hey.

- Okay.

(slurring):

Hey, you gotta be at 110%.

- Okay.

- You got to be in it to win it!

How do you get more competitive

when you're drunk?

Hey, man. I'm more of a winner

when I'm drunk, all right?

- Okay, okay. (groans)

- And the question I have

for you, Lis:

Are you a winner?

Are you in it to win it?

- Winning is my b*tch!

- All right.

- Strong.

- Knock, knock!

- Who's there?

- Me winning.

(laughs)

(chuckling)

It's not...

It's not that good.

(Mitchell and Lisa laughing)

I don't... Ow, ow!

- (laughing):
Lisa winning!

- It's not that good.

Ow! F***!

All right, it's good.

It's fine. I like it.

Hey, you're losing him.

Let's go.

(Mozart's "The Marriage

of Figaro:
Overture" playing)

(grunts) Not on my watch.

(music volume increases)

- (tires squeal)

- Oh, hey! - Whoa! - Ow!

Y'all think you gonna outrun

Rudy "The Main

Motherfucking Man" Glover?

Hell no.

- Are you all right?

- No!

- Come on.

- (panting)

CONNOR:

You okay?

Hey, guys.

Hey, I don't...

I don't feel so...

- Oh, my God!

- (all shouting)

Oh, my God!

(screaming)

HUNTER:
All right,

here's what we're gonna do.

Lisa, I have seen every single

- Fast and the Furious movie, okay?

- Mm-hmm.

All of them, dozens of times.

Have you seen any of them?

I saw the Tokyo one,

and I saw the one

where The Rock

punches the torpedo.

Those are the best two to see.

Okay, in times like this,

I ask myself one question:

"WWVDD?"

You know what that means?

"What would Vin Diesel do?"

Holy sh*t!

No one's ever f***ing

gotten that before. Okay.

(screaming)

- (gasps)

- (muffled scream)

Oh, man, it smells like...

HUNTER:

What we're gonna do...

we're gonna kiss the bumper.

- You give it a little tap.

- Okay.

And then they're gonna

spin and stop,

and we're gonna spin

and stop the other way.

- Okay.

- And we're gonna look at each other,

and we're gonna go,

"It's all about the family."

Wait, I don't feel comfortable

running the kids off the road.

This slow and un-furious

attitude is not helping us.

You have to believe!

Okay, I'm gonna kiss it.

HUNTER:

Here we go!

- (Lisa gasps)

- MITCHELL:
What's that?

- Did I do it?

- No, you didn't even kiss it.

- You gotta kiss it.

- Sh*t. Okay.

HUNTER (imitating Vin Diesel):

Kiss it for the family.

- Is that Sam?

- Is that Sam?

- MITCHELL:
Oh! Oh, God!

- LISA:
She barfed on us!

HUNTER:

Oh, my God!

(all screaming)

(metallic creaking)

(high-pitched):

F***.

(whispering):

Okay.

Are we in Heaven?

Okay. Listen, I know

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