Blockers Page #9

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how to do this.

Everyone lean backwards.

If we all lean backwards

on three,

the car will roll back.

- Ready?

- Okay.

One...

(shuddering):

two... three.

(creaking)

- Oh, f***...!

- No!

- Oh!

- Oh, no!

(clunking)

Well, that's the last

of the ass beer.

- Jesus! That's it. Are you okay?

- (groaning)

Are you bleeding? You might

have internal blood injuries.

- I'm all right, I'm all right.

- Here's the problem.

The Fast and the Furious

movies are not realistic.

Where are we?

Sh*t!

HUNTER:

F***.

(grunting)

What are you doing?

I heard that in times

of crisis, parents have

- superhuman strength.

- MITCHELL:
No offense... there's

no scientific way you're gonna

flip that car over.

- I couldn't even do that.

- I couldn't do it, either.

Do not tell me what I can

and can't do.

(Lisa grunting)

Kayla's not answering again.

- Goddamn it.

- We lost 'em, guys.

We are f***ed!

Or maybe not.

What are you doing?

Trying to telepathically

communicate with Kayla.

I'm with the X-Men of parents.

You know what

my secret power is?

I'm super f***ing annoyed

right now,

and I hurt my love handle.

No, no.

Hey.

You guys think my new clothes

go with my fedora?

I'm just kidding.

I know they do.

(Chad chuckles)

(Julie sighs)

AUSTIN:

Hey.

- Have you talked to your mom?

- No.

So, my parents

were just texting me,

and they were having sex,

and your mom showed up

looking for you.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

It's... it's okay.

They have sex all the time.

- (cell phone buzzes)

- Oh, my God.

- She... The texts.

- (buzzing continues)

So many texts.

She's mad.

I need to handle this.

Good news.

A Lyft is on its way.

Oh, wait, no, I know this guy.

He sucks.

- (cell phone buzzing)

- Oh, sh*t. It's Julie.

- Be-be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.

- Okay, be quiet.

- Okay.

- JULIE:
Hey, Mom.

I just got all your texts,

and I just want

to let you know

that we're all good.

LISA:

Cool, cool. Okay.

Um, are you at the prom?

Yeah.

Yeah, just nonstop

magical moments.

Ha! You are lying to me.

Where are you right now?

Where are you?

Why are you freaking out?

I'm freaking out

because I know

what you're up to.

And I know that you

and your friends

are planning some kind

of little sex pact or whatever.

- What did you say?

- You heard me.

How could you possibly know?

Because I am your mother

and I know you.

- And I know you better than you know yourself.

- HUNTER:
Yes.

And I also know that you're

planning on going to UCLA

and that you're

following Austin.

Yeah. (chuckles)

I... know... everything.

Oh, my God, you know nothing.

Why do you even assume

that it's me following Austin?

Huh? You're not worried

about me, Mom.

You're worried about you.

You're afraid of losing me.

You're afraid of being alone.

I am not scared of being alone.

(laughs)

This is not about me.

I have not thought about myself

for the last 18 years.

This is about you.

And as a single mother,

I am trying to stop you

from making

a life-ruining decision.

So I was a...

a life-ruining decision?

No. No, of cour...

No, that is not what I meant.

- No, that is not what I meant.

- You know what, Mom?

I'm not going to UCLA

because of some boy, okay?

I'm going to UCLA

because it's the furthest

I can get from you.

W-Well...

Hello?

Nanaru is on his way.

46 minutes.

Well, so she hates me.

(Mitchell sighs)

She doesn't hate you.

Kayla's ignoring me.

She's bringing it

to a whole new level of spite.

Yeah.

It's a...

that's a new level of pain.

Yeah. I know, I know.

It's just different for me,

because I gave birth to her,

and I just feel very connected.

She was living in my body.

- Kayla grew in me.

- Yeah.

She grew in me. She-she did.

She grew from my balls,

and I shot her into Marcie.

This is the same

for you and me.

Not exactly.

I mean, you have

daily love in your life,

and I'm probably gonna

die alone

and won't be found

for a really long time.

Until one day,

someone will be walking by

with their golden retriever,

and the dog

is just gonna lose its sh*t,

and then they're gonna

call the police,

and then they're gonna come in

and find me draped over the tub

with my feral cats

eating away at my hair.

'Cause cats do that.

The f*** is wrong with you?

That is some dark sh*t.

- You're gonna die alone?

- Oh, oh, oh, oh! My man!

- My man!

- Where the hell did you get that idea?

- You know what?

- Come on!

I call you all the time.

You ever return my calls? No.

Because we're not

really friends, you and me.

We're not friends?

I don't mean it, uh, that...

I-I... you...

You know what you are?

You are like the thing

that pops up on Facebook,

and then it's, like,

this beautiful picture

of your grandma who's dead.

And you're like,

"F*** you, Facebook,

for reminding me of my loss."

That's why you're avoiding me?

Because I remind you of loss?

Yes. I don't want to be

reminded of sweet, young Julie

and our kids

and that beautiful time

- in our lives is over.

- HUNTER:
Oh, God.

Boo-f***ing-hoo with you two.

You guys completely ignore me.

- Always.

- Yeah, no sh*t, cheater.

Oh, cheater? That's my...

that's my designation?

That's what I am?

I'm the cheater?

F*** that sh*t.

Did you guys ever once call me

when that went down

and ask me my side

of the story?

You didn't.

I would have

told you the truth.

I would have told you

that Brenda had stopped

talking to me

months before that happened.

You know she hooked up

with her boss

at a company retreat

in Wisconsin?

Do you know she beat me up?

She f***ing beat me up

at a Romano's

f***ing Macaroni Grill!

She f***ing slapped me in front

of the f***ing maitre d'!

- I didn't know that.

- I'm sorry, man.

And I f***ing embarrass myself,

and I embarrass myself

in front of my daughter.

And I-I-I thought, you know,

I should pull back

a little bit,

and then f***ing Frank

showed up,

and he... I pulled back more,

and I thought,

"One day I'm gonna fix it.

One day I'm gonna

f***ing fix it."

And then I thought,

if I gave her

something awesome,

like a great night,

I could get close

with her again.

But I can't.

(sniffs)

'Cause she's gone.

They're just...

(sighs) The kids, they...

they just leave.

Oh, sh*t!

I know how we can find them.

Go to Cathy and Ron's.

Austin's been texting them

all night.

Did you hear anything

I said just now?

- That's a great idea.

- (sighs) F*** it.

It's just good

to say it out loud.

- Let's go flip that car.

- Hell... (screams)

Jesus Christ!

Oh, my f***ing God.

Sh*t.

My car just exploded.

(Lisa sighs)

Nanaru is 26 minutes away.

So that's good.

- (Lisa sighs)

- I thought I canceled him.

Thanks, Nanaru.

So Austin's parents

aren't gonna

just tell us where they are.

So we need to get Ron's phone,

read the texts

and find our kids.

Okay?

Hunter, it's not gonna be you.

So, Mitchell, it's you.

No. That's breaking

and entering.

That is...

I'm uncomfortable with that.

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