Blue Like Jazz Page #4

not an astronaut invasion.

Yeah. When I went to the store,

they were out...

I can't hear you.

Don.

I didn't expect to see you here.

In gardening?

No, at a robot invasion...

in an astronaut costume.

Do I look stupid?

You just look like you don't belong.

Which actually makes you

look kind of cute.

Do you even know why we're here?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Uh, you're against something, right?

We're also for a lot of things.

Then what are you

doing in gardening?

Anarchist's Cookbook

is on aisle five.

Are you gonna play nice,

or am I gonna have to shut that visor

and leave you on a planet to die?

Uh, excuse me, ma'am.

Ma'am, we're against gardening.

It's consumeristic.

- We're against gardening...

- No, gardening is fine,

but there's a lovely independent

bookstore on Hawthorne.

Don't let major corporations

tell you what to read.

Or how to grow tomatoes.

What?

Oh, welcome to work, gentlemen.

Did you enjoy your nap?

Yeah, get rid of 'em.

Get 'em out of here.

Look the door behind 'em.

Yeah... Son of a...

Hey, come back!

There. You want some?

I think you need some.

I mean, what is the point

of all this stuff?

Does anyone alive

even remember this guy?

Oh, thanks.

Why do you wear the same

clothes every day?

I don't.

It's a protest thing.

Shut up.

She's not buying clothes

for a year.

What did clothes ever do to you?

You wouldn't understand, Don.

I want to do something

against something.

Yeah, have fun with that.

I will.

Oh, hey, Quinn, wait up.

Oh, dude, hey,

give me the bottle.

Ah, there's none left.

Come on. It's half full.

Half empty. That's the way I...

- What's that?!

- What the fu...

Not funny. Whoo. Sorry.

Ahh! Get away from me.

Why do you want

to do something, Don?

Uh, I don't know.

'Cause chicks dig it, right?

- You know any dead people?

- Not personally.

- Parents alive and well?

- Alive, not well.

- Divorced?

- Aren't they all?

Tell me about it.

Come on.

Mom got sick.

She hears things,

sees people that aren't there.

You really want to hear all this?

It started when I was seven.

She thought the CIA was after her

for having an affair with JFK.

That one might be true.

Do the math.

You want to know my favorite

memory of my mom?

Don't laugh, okay?

We would spend, like...

half an hour

going through our hair,

checking for microphones.

She got diagnosed that year,

but I still wanted to believe I had

microphones in my hair,

because if I did,

it would mean

I could keep my mom.

I'm sorry, Penny.

No, I mean it.

I'm really sorry.

She says she didn't know

what was in the bottle,

but I swear I tasted Red Bull.

Or whatever I drank has me

feeling pretty good.

Thanks for walking me home.

Oh, yeah, sure. Anytime.

Maybe I'll just power through

till morning.

It's okay.

I got this from here.

Okay. Nice dorms.

Sorry.

It's time for bed, Don.

Hey, uh, there's a...

There's a... Testing, one, two.

Okay, good night, Don.

I was just checking

for microphones.

Hey, I can help you

with your box.

I'll be fine. Thank you.

Relax. I'll recycle it.

I said I've got it, Don.

Hey, uh, Penny.

Hey, uh...

Hey, I'm sorry.

I-I'm not... I'm not like that.

It's...

Okay. Um...

I'll see you in class tomorrow.

Different war, same story.

We do the bidding of the gods.

It's always God's fault with you.

I was actually talking

about Republicans,

but I suppose you could

argue they're God's fault.

What are the rest of you thinking?

Is Achilles' army just dying for nothing?

It's not for nothing.

They fight for glory,

for family, for their culture.

Come on. It's a culture war.

Achilles' pride starts it.

The gods bless it,

and mythology stokes up another

round of misery for everyone.

Why do you always dismiss

all religious impulse?

I grew up agnostic, but...

I admire any religion that has

the balls to search for God.

Yeah, because the Crusades,

those were very ballsy.

You know nothing.

My grandfather Topov

was killed for smuggling an icon

out of Russia,

for trying to preserve a way of life.

Don, you're strangely quiet.

What do you think?

I think that if it weren't for religion,

Grandpa Topov might have preserved

his own life.

Hey, by the way,

it wasn't religion that

killed Yuri's grandfather.

It was Stalin.

Don't take it personal, Miller.

Nerd babes.

Many have tried. All have failed.

There's just something

about her that I get.

My dorm mate last year

thought the same exact thing.

Rhodes scholar, Tall Biker,

looked like Jeff Buckley,

and if he couldn't bag that,

well, good luck.

Tall Biker?

My friend, the Reed College

Tall Bike Club

is the apex of our prestige pyramid.

It's like being captain

of the tennis team.

Mommy, look.

Hey, um, how much are these?

- 15.

- Mom!

Hey!

Hey, stop that bear!

Hey!

Hey!

What are you doing? Hey!

Come on, man!

Ohh!

What did I do?

This is literally the best water

you have ever had in your life.

This bottle is not recycled,

but that is a good thing,

because recycled bottles

equal dirty plastic.

This is amazing.

It is bottled straight at the source.

It's pretty much all I drink.

- Everybody have one.

- Thank you.

They're free. Merry Christmas.

The place in the Himalayas

where they got it

has actually been hidden

for the last 300 years.

Hey.

Can we talk?

Looks easier from the ground.

Yeah, we don't give spiders

enough credit.

Sorry.

Are you okay?

Bear stole my bike

at the flea market.

Aw, that's awful.

I didn't know they rode bikes.

They do at the flea market.

Bought you an early

Christmas present.

It's okay.

It's just a little something.

You celebrate Christmas?

I'm sentimental that way.

Your hands were cold

that night at the graveyard.

And I know you're not

buying clothes this year.

This was really thoughtful.

Thanks, Don.

Merry Christmas.

There we go. Swallow.

It's so good.

- I know, right?

- Yeah.

What are you doing

this weekend?

Studying. You?

I have to...

Don, feet on the wall,

and lean back.

I thought you said you were certified.

I am, on the climbing wall

at Fun-world.

I got the card in my wallet.

I... I think that my spray adhesive

is coming off.

Tori to Amos. Tori to Amos.

- I was kidding. I'm okay.

- Come in, Tori.

Do you hear sirens?

Affirmative.

What's going on down there?

May want to pick up the pace.

Donald Miller.

I may agree with the sentiment

of your protest.

I may even agree in principle

with your activism,

but the school cannot condone

the destruction of private property,

no matter how just the cause.

Hey, guys, take a look.

Quinn, check this out.

I suppose you all could use some lunch.

I got a call from Aqualikes

publicist this morning.

They decided that some sales

just aren't worth it.

Speech! Speech!

Speech! Speech! Speech!

Speech! Speech! Speech!

Speech! Speech!

Come on. Go.

Well, last night was

my first time in the big house.

And I'm not gonna make

the standard joke

about who made me

their, you know, girlfriend.

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