Blue Mountain State: The Rise of Thadland Page #6

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you guys didn't invite me!

Thadland?

Mmm-hmm.

That was last night.

It's over.

Oh, no, no, no.

I've been seeing

the commercials

all weekend long.

Commercials?

Biggest, baddest party

of all time.

They've got games

and rides

and a contest

for the best abs.

Now let me ask you.

Who's taking home

that prize?

Uh...

Go ahead.

Touch it.

I'd rather not.

No, no, no.

No, I'm good.

They're just amazing abs.

They're not gonna bite you.

Wait, what day

is it today?

It's Monday.

No f***ing way.

Do you like fun?

Do you like excitement?

Well, we... well, then

come on down to thadland!

We've got lots

of that kind of stuff!

Whoo!

I'm thad castle!

And whether

it's bouncing with sloots...

Whoo-hoo!

Or sweet beach

on a Ferris wheel.

It even snows

cocaine here!

Here's fun facts

about thadland.

It was created three days ago.

Our only currency is checks.

And we're open 23/7,

nine days a week,

385 days a year.

So round up your bro-beans

and come on down to the place

where the fun never ends!

F*** you, Walt Disney!

This is thadland!

This is disgusting.

What happened

to the party?

It's right here?

Hey, ladies.

Check out these abs.

This f***ing

tastes so bad.

Sammy...

Alex!

Holy sh*t, man.

You know, people think

that you're f***ing dead.

I'm not dead.

I'm right here.

What is going on here?

Thadland.

It's been going on

for quite some time.

You know, these f***ing

crazy guys,

are so much fun,

it's amazing.

God, this is

all my fault.

Yeah. Oh, sh*t, man.

Do you want some food?

I feel weird.

Do you want some?

No, I...

Is that?

Yeah, things got

a little weird

between Billy and I.

You know, uh,

he bit me, so uh,

I'm biting him.

Jesus, Sammy.

This, this has to end.

Where's thad?

I haven't seen thad

in a little while.

But get this.

Just yesterday,

he almost remembered

my name.

Oh, good.

He called me, "biscuit."

Which, you know, to me

is pretty close.

You know,

cause it's like...

Sam-my!

I know, it's...

Bis-cuit!

It's not really

that close at all.

If you think about it,

and you sound it out.

Biscuit's like tomato.

I'm gonna go find thad.

You just enjoy it.

Biscuit!

What the f***.

Donnie!

Donnie!

Hey! Radon,

stop the ride!

It's just that,

all it would take

is one of you to show me

respect as a coach

and not just your friend

and everyone else

would be on board.

No. It's not

like that, dude.

We respect you.

Really?

Hey, coach

summers, f*** you!

- Not cool, man!

- Donnie!

I'm so glad

i found you.

Yeah, thad,

what's with the bracelets?

You don't like them?

It's just I asked you

not to make a big deal

out of this

and instead you manufactured

thousands of bracelets

and handed them out

to everyone here.

You're welcome,

bro-beans.

Hey, thad. Congrats

on all your success.

Dick dawg!

Dick dawg,

get over here.

I got something

you're gonna love. Watch.

Watch where

you're stepping, dude.

Go ahead.

Open it.

I think I can tell

what it is, thad.

Open it!

Open it!

Yeah. Yeah!

I bought you a guy.

I can see that.

Go ahead.

Whap his dick around.

Whap, whap.

I'd rather not,

thad.

What's the matter,

you don't like him?

No. I do,

he, he's great.

He's already paid for.

Whap him.

Look, I'll do it.

Watch.

Whap. Whap,

whap, whap.

Whap, whap, whap,

whap, whap,

whap, whap, whap,

whap, whap, whap,

whap, whap, whap,

whap, whap, whap.

Whap it. I'll leave

you two alone.

You're welcome,

bro-beans.

Dick dawg!

Have fun, man.

Sorry about them.

I'm frank.

I'm Donnie.

I'm gonna go.

Coach Daniels!

So glad

you could make it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But what the hell

is this all about?

Just a friendly

little gathering

where I reveal to the world

the kind of person

you really are.

I'm sorry.

Like when

they steal my hat

and then laugh at me,

it hurts.

You know,

i put on a brave face,

but I'm a real human being.

Human beings

means people.

Exactly.

And like...

Larry,

i need you.

Alex, come play with me

in the bath tub.

Maybe another time.

Larry, I need

your help right now.

I need you to round up

the whole team

and meet me out front, okay?

Very funny.

Come on, man.

I'm serious, Larry.

Coach summers.

This party is over.

Round 'em up.

Don't do this,

moran.

We need you

right now, coach.

Round up this team

right now.

Man, I...

Round 'em up!

No.

Round 'em up,

coach summers!

Not you too.

Round 'em up!

Not you too.

Round 'em up!

Round 'em up!

Get out of there!

Get of there,

coach summers! Yeah!

I'll see you

out front.

Mountain goats...

Round up!

Check out this guy.

He's been asleep

for, like, two hours.

I can't wake him up.

Holly,

where is Mary Jo?

She's with Chad.

Who?

Chad. You know,

like chadland?

Right over there.

Giddy-up!

To the stables!

Holy sh*t!

Marco!

Marco!

I just want to say

that in spite

of all the rumors,

I was not drunk

when I crashed

my motorcycle.

And furthermore...

You know what?

That was a lie.

I was drunk.

In fact,

I'm a little drunk

right now.

I was hammered

when I crashed

my motorcycle,

and I was just

about to have

an enchanted moment

with this girl,

who happens to be

a very wonderful person.

So, you can all go

f*** yourselves.

And go goats.

Well, alrighty then.

Let's open it up

for questions, shall we?

Coach! Coach!

Julia king from can.

What can you tell us

about your feelings

on thadland?

Have you been?

And can you comment

on thad castle's open bashing

of the late Walt Disney?

He's called him,

and I quote,

"a short, anti-semite...

"With less imagination

in his whole

"Jew-hating body

than I have in the tip

of my pee-hole."

He said "pee-hole?"

He did.

Well, you know,

I don't think

any of those allegations

were proven

to be true.

So I don't want to

comment on Mr...

What about the drug

use at thadland?

Why does thad castle

hate the French?

That's the question

you idiots have?

Thadland?

Ask him

about the drinking.

Ask him

about the driving.

The accident

with the little chick.

Ask him some

of this stuff. What?

Coach!

Oh, yeah,

this is great.

Can wear you

all the way to...

Sammy!

Alex! Holy sh*t,

what's up, buddy?

I really need

your help.

I need you to sneak me

back into the goat house.

Why?

Oh, my god, that's right,

'cause you're banished!

Hey, everybody,

Alex is back!

Whoo! We gotta keep it

down though.

We gotta keep it down.

But I can help you out.

Follow me.

Follow me, pal.

You're not gonna

believe this.

I f***ing, I ate

basically the whole goat.

Did you boil it?

Oh, yeah.

Thad is pissed

at you.

He's declared

your name

a swear word.

Actually it's pretty cool

if you ask me.

Why is that cool?

At least he knows

your name.

Harmon, you got

a visitor, buddy.

Alex, you're alive.

I thought you were dead

or something.

I almost was,

thanks to your balloons.

This drug affects

different people

in different ways.

Me, I grew up

on the stuff.

It was like formula to me

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