Blue State Page #5

it fell on me. All the hope.

That's why you enlisted?

No, I didn't go right into the service.

But college just wasn't for me.

I mean, I went for like a year and a half,

and then I dropped out.

So, I'm going from job to job, making dick.

I'm living with this guy

who I shouldn't be living with,

basically because I can't afford

to live on my own.

Suddenly, following

in the old family tradition

didn't seem like such a bad idea.

And it didn't bother you

there was a war going on?

The recruiter promised that, since I was

a woman, I'd never see combat.

You believed a recruiter?

Everyone knows recruiters lie.

Maybe all your Fahrenheit 9/11- watching

buddies in San Francisco know,

but this is a representative of the US Army.

I asked him three times,

"Are you sure I'll never see combat?"

He looked me in the eye

and said, "Yes. " Three times.

Jesus.

And then I get to basic training,

and there are all these f***-ups

who are just looking for a way out of life.

People like me.

Do any of them like it?

Some do.

How come you never told me

about your brother?

I don't know. It never came up.

Yeah, but you talk about the war

and all that stuff all the time.

I mean, I was thinking,

"What is this guy worrying about?"

It still matters, you know.

I gotta tell you the truth.

I thought you were kind of full of it.

Maybe I am.

Seriously, is it really such a big deal

for you, every day of your life,

that you have to move out of the country

because of who's president?

Yeah. Yeah, people don't live

what they believe.

How is this living what you believe?

Take September 11th. Okay,

everyone gets all impassioned about it,

but after a while, time passes, life goes on.

But that's the way life is. It goes on.

Not for the families who lost someone.

Did you know someone?

My point is, a couple of years go by,

and everyone gets all angry

about the war in Iraq,

and Bush, and the election.

'Cause it's like,

"Oh, my God, politics does matter. "

But then Bush wins,

and do we do anything?

Do we sacrifice anything?

No, we just throw up our hands.

No need to save more, or use less gas,

or volunteer, or do anything.

My vote didn't matter.

The work I did didn't matter.

That's not a place I wanna live in.

It sounds to me like you're running away.

Yeah, I'm running.

I'm running from George W. Bush.

Oh, Canada.

Oh, Canada.

Well, one of them slips

and gets his foot

in the actual, like, toilet water.

- Shut up.

- No, no, seriously.

And they have that, like,

"one billion flushes" blue sh*t in there.

Okay, we got two left.

Oh, good.

- We need to drink.

- Two for me.

Cheers.

I'll catch up with you.

How did I get so tired?

You know what you need? Music.

Why, will you dance for me?

I might. I could be persuaded to dance.

Let me know what you think

about the fact that we're thinking

of making the sasquatch

the national animal of Canada.

I think that's pretty cool.

So is this place we're going to

some kind of office?

I'm not sure. It's not like

I've ever been to Winnipeg before.

Well, me neither.

It's just, I didn't bring my resume.

Well, you can just tell them

that you look really good in camouflage.

Shut up.

Yes, sir.

Oh, John Logue!

Oh, my God, you're even cuter in person.

Hi. This is Chloe.

Hi, I'm Gloria O'Neill,

president of Marry-A-Canadian. Oh!

- Oh, I love your hair.

- Thanks.

Come on in. You just missed the ceremony.

Ceremony?

Howdy, folks.

Somebody here order the 40-incher?

That's us. Thanks.

John?

Oh, okay.

Here you go, keep the change.

Okay, this way.

Okay.

Sorry about the cold. It was 27 last week.

That's about 80 degrees Fahrenheit.

I was sunbathing nude in the back,

and now...

You might have to turn it diagonal there

to get it inside.

I got it.

Come on in. I'll be right back.

Did those two just get married?

He's American. She's Canadian.

We officially rescued our first liberal

from four more years of Dubya.

How long have they known each other?

Met two days ago.

But you have to get along pretty well

if you're gonna get hitched.

Because to get citizenship,

you have to live together

for about six months.

That's a lot to figure out in two days.

Oh, John, some of the girls

you flagged are here.

So I want you to settle in,

get your bearings,

by which I mean have a few drinks,

and I'll introduce the two of you around.

But you! You're just as cute as an otter.

I won't worry about you.

Here, let me take your coats.

Thank you.

Here, and put these on.

And beer's out front,

wine's in the kitchen, and mingle.

And there she is, the woman...

This is like a mixer.

No, it's more like

a NAFTA summit meeting.

You didn't tell me

it was called Marry-A-Canadian.

Oh, I just thought it was

the name of the group. Not literal.

Yeah, when you were flagging girls?

Do you want beer or wine?

Both.

Hi. Scott. First time in Canada?

Yeah.

We got this thing here called

the Tall Poppy Syndrome. You know it?

No.

Well, see, in a field of poppies,

they'll cut down the ones

that stand above the rest.

So, no one wants to stand out too much.

You're welcome.

We've got everything you need.

All the artsy stuff, if you're into that.

- Sure.

- All the sports stuff, too.

I'm surprised you haven't heard of that.

Really famous.

Well, I arrived at

about 3:
00 yesterday or so.

- "About"?

- About.

I'm sorry, "Aboot. "

"Aboot"? No, I mean...

What do you mean, "Aboot"?

Well, you're saying it funny.

You're going, "Aboot. "

People who used to vote Democrat

for economic reasons,

well, they're now voting Republican

because they think it's more in line

with their moral values.

Well, when we were working in Ohio,

all they had us doing

was going to supporters' houses...

Why don't you pass me

one of them cold ones, little lady?

So, do you wanna get married?

No. And, anyway, I'm an American, too.

So? How about get laid?

No.

You wanna know a secret?

I don't even hate Bush.

I mean, that's what I came here for,

the bush!

Oh, jeez, sorry. I've

got... I'll be right back.

Hey! We're putting you in the penalty box.

Sorry, I'll be right back.

Are you having fun?

Yeah. You?

This is like a bad seventh-grade dance.

Excuse me. John?

Yeah. That's me.

I saw your profile on the website.

I'm Rebecca.

Hi.

So, you're a blogger?

I'm a bloggee. I've read your blogs.

Oh, we should totally blog.

F*** him! F*** it!

I don't wanna hear what he says.

In fact, I wish that motherf***er was dead.

I'm running from my own country

like a refugee.

Baby, listen to my wordplay

The time's short

You better get onboard

Before the bandwagon

fills up and we on tour

And we don't care

We making money off rap

And I didn't used to

sell crack laughing at

All these dudes telling

lies for the fame and wealth

I'd rather kick back

and just be myself

Night.

Night.

I assume you two aren't...

I don't mean to put you on the spot.

No.

No, we just met a few days ago.

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