Bob the Butler Page #6

and I'll have your ass kicked

from here to Texas.

Don't worry about it.

This'll be our little secret.

- Bob, I'm sorry.

About everything.

I lied.

About the luau.

My mom's practically a vegetarian.

- I guess she is now.

Come on, let's go.

- Omigod.

Bates!

- I'm standing still, Mom!

I can be a butler!

- Good evening, Miss Jamieson.

[Scooter backfiring]

- Tess, where have you been?!

- I got hung up at Sophie's.

Bob came and got me.

- In that?!

Both of you, inside now!

Bob, I have known

for quite some time

that you're not the world's

greatest butler,

but you at least seemed

to care for my kids.

What kind of a man

leaves an eight-year-old

with a total stranger?

A stranger...

What am I saying?

A psycho!

Who thinks that standing

on the roof of a house

is good training?

- I'm sorry, Anne.

- Miss Jamieson!

- I'm truly sorry, Miss Jamieson.

- I have to let you go, Bob.

I'll pay you

to the end of the month, but...

I want you to leave in the morning.

- Let's not get ourselves down,

Rascal.

You keep going...

and I'll keep going.

[Squeaking]

- To the end

of ATBJ Capital Management!

[All]:
Finally!

Okay...

- I don't feel like celebrating.

[Knocking]

- Come in.

Why aren't you in school?

- Lunch.

What are you doing?

- Lunch.

Welcome to my home.

- Nice.

- Well, my natural state is messy.

- I'm sorry you got fired.

I just wanted

the cool kids to like me.

- You know, when I was a kid,

I used to like building model cars.

But...

there was always once piece

I could neverfigure out

where it was supposed to go.

I always felt like that piece.

I've spent my whole life

trying to figure out where I fit.

So when you figure it out...

well...

that's good.

- So you're saying

it's good to shoplift

if it helps you fit in?

- I worked

for a New York designer once.

- You?

- I was just sewing,

but it was better

than a lot of jobs I've done.

Here.

Severance pay

from the sweatshop.

- Bob...

can you teach me how to sew?

- Sorry for skipping out on you.

- Yeah, we were, like,

so cowardly.

- This is ace.

D'you steal it?

- I made it.

- Shut up!

I want one.

- Me too!

- Than wouldn't we be wearing

the same top?

- Yeah. Like a club.

- Hey, Soph.

[Knocking]

- I had the best day.

- Great.

- He followed me.

- I want to be good at something.

- Well, of course you do.

You ever seen

one of these before?

Check, check, check, check.

- Check, check.

Check, check.

- Does it look all right?

- Wicked.

- I hope you're ready.

- Oh, God.

- It's show time.

Thank you for coming,

ladies and...

just lady.

I am pleased to present

original creations by Tess!

[Music]

Be a cool girl

Like you were meant to be

In a stunning outfit

of skirt and top retro-"chick."

That's our Sophie!

- Chic, not chick.

- Whatever.

And next up,

the twin evil girls.

[Anne]:
Oh!

[Anne applauding]

Whoo! Whoo-whoo-whoo!

- And finally,

the heroine of the hour,

the one and only...

Miss Tess!

[False notes]

[Knocking]

- Miss Jamieson.

- Yeah,

I was just in the neighbourhood.

I wasn't, obviously.

I came to see you.

- Come on in.

- Ahem...

- Here we are.

She's very talented.

- You've been so good with them.

But I know the truth.

- I just helped her

make a few dresses.

- You got my little girl out of jail.

I got a phone call this morning

from a Detective Alvarez.

He said that he wished

that half the fathers that he met

were as loyal

and determined as you.

- Don't be too hard on her.

- I think you know me

better than that.

- I do.

- So what's next for you?

- Well, I got a job.

One of those butler cruises.

Around the world in 365 days.

- That's good for you.

When do you leave?

- First thing Saturday.

- Oh, um... these...

are... for tomorrow.

- Oh, wow.

I love the trumpet.

- Yeah. Jacques and I

were supposed to go,

but, uh, I thought

maybe you had someone special.

- No.

- Well, I guess we, uh...

we each could take one.

- Sure.

- Okay, then.

- Okay.

- Okay, well,

I'll see you there, then.

Eight o'clock tomorrow.

- Okay.

It's not a date.

- It's a date.

- Is not.

- Is.

- Oh... it's not a date.

A date, huh!

Just two people.

Two individual people who...

happen to be going to the same place

at the same time.

All I did was give Bob

my extra ticket.

- It's so a date.

- Who's going on a date?

- Mom. With Bob.

- Awesome!

[Cellphone ringing]

- Hello.

[Jacques]:
What are you doing

at this moment?

[Flushing]

Oh...

- I'm taking care of my family.

I'm a single woman

of a certain age, remember?

- Ah, tonight, we have those, uh...

tickets to the concert.

- Bye, Jacques.

- You will not use them.

You would not go alone.

Are you going alone?

- Are you jealous,

my little Jacques... ass?

- Who is he?

Who is he?!

[With French accent]: Robert.

- Robert...

Bobert...

Bob?

- It's just a night out

with a beautiful woman...

who's stolen my heart.

[Squeaking whine]

[Knocking]

[Frenzied knocking]

I've got a doorbell, you know.

- We're here to help.

Let's see what you've got.

- Could you have knocked

a little more, maybe?

- Ugly...

ew... no...

tragic...

ew...

gross... no.

What's wrong with this?

- Kind of bored of suits, you know?

- It's perfect.

What time is the concert?

- Doesn't take me long

to get ready.

- Maybe it should.

- Oh, hello, sir.

Can I help you?

- This is the Cosmopolitan

Butler School?

- It is no more.

- It is closing?

- I'm afraid so.

Not enough filthy lucre

to keep it alive.

- So...

you trained the great Bob.

- What about Bob?

- Five-day course.

Mon Dieu!

You are not a professional!

Just a sad British man

with his sad little tradition.

So...

now we have Bob the liar, too.

- If I may say so...

sir...

Bob Tree

is a finer man than most.

And it has been an honour

to know him.

- Bob!

- Wow.

- Mom, is that you?

- I'll take that as a compliment,

I think.

Now don't stay up too late.

You sure it's not too much?

- You're a hottie.

- That's a good thing, right?

It's not too risqu?

- If you've got it, flaunt it.

That's what I always say.

- You better not say that.

Good night.

- You're early.

- Yes, I am.

- Hi.

- You look... radiant.

- Huh...

you said it yourself.

I have a very talented daughter.

- Yeah, I couldn't believe it.

- Whoa. Ticket, please, sir.

- Oh, I have my... my...

my ticket, it's in there.

Bob has it.

- Bob who?

- Uh-uh-uh, Bob has my ticket.

Bob. Bob.

Oh...

Ah...

- Forget it.

- Oh, come on.

- It's like a dream, isn't it?

[Applause]

- You wanna go backstage?

- I don't think we're allowed.

- All right, follow me.

- Bob! Yeah!!!

- Euh...

- Hi, Bob.

- How ya doin'?

- Bob? Bob!

- Mama Clara!

She fired me.

- You sure we can do this?

Ooh.

- Bob, is that you?

- Vince.

Come on, Anne.

- Ah...

- How ya doin'?

- Good. How are you?

- Ahem.

- Good to see you.

- I want you to meet

a friend of mine,

Anne Jamieson.

- Charmed.

- The pleasure's mine.

- You know, a few of us

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes