Boo! A Madea Halloween Page #4

if it ain't prostate ca...

That's the only thing keep you from

peein'. She said she get two drops.

One say "prostate," other say "cancer."

Prostate cancer. That's what she got.

- She got it.

- Joe.

Don't no woman have no prostate.

Mabel, you know damn well

you got a prostate.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna give you a prostate exam

with this foot right here.

Right here. Say something else.

Hell, you ain't, either.

This here? This ass?

"Do not enter."

Sign on it, tattoo.

- Do not enter back there.

- Hell, no!

- Who the hell you think I am?

- Shut up.

Hello? Can we just focus on

why I asked you to come...

Who the hell is he,

who the hell he hollerin' at?

You asked me to come over

to your damn house.

Don't be hollerin' at me up in here.

- Don't get gutted up in here.

- Right. Like a fish.

Okay, sorry. Sorry.

I didn't mean that at all.

Yes, that's better. That's better.

Show some apologection up in here.

- Apologection into the room.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm glad you're here

to help me with her,

'cause there's a frat party

around the corner.

And I wanna be sure she doesn't try to

sneak out and go over there, okay?

- She too young for that!

- I know. I...

I don't know about that, I remember

I used to go to a frat party, man.

We had them girls up in there.

Oh! God damn.

- Hell, no. She can't go over there.

- What?

When I was goin' I was 15, baby.

And I was the entertainment, then.

All right, you were

the entertainment, I get it.

Thank you. Okay, listen.

I'm glad you're here. 'Cause I...

I want you to be quiet,

if you don't mind,

'cause I don't want her to know that

you all are here until after I'm gone.

Hold the hell on.

You finna leave, you ain't

gonna tell her you're going?

- Looks like he's scared of her.

- Right.

Damn, boy.

You lettin' a girl run over you?

Look how you

standin' there sweatin'.

- Listen, I...

- These children today.

No, it ain't the children, baby,

it's the parents.

It's these damn parents.

The parents I don't understand.

That's what it is. Right there.

If these parents were getting in charge

of these children here,

we wouldn't be having all these issues.

Come on, you know. Those teenage years,

when they turn into a teenager.

Boy, I remember them

teenage years, baby,

I remember them teenage years.

You got to drop the damn hammer.

- Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

- Drop the hammer on them.

Them teenage years, hell.

I'm tellin' ya, I keeps me a hammer.

Now we know what the problem is,

anybody in here got a solution?

Is he slow? He don't understand

nothin' I'm saying.

Hattie, can you explain this to him

in a language that he understands?

Whoop. That. Ass.

All in favor say "aye."

- Aye.

- The ayes have it.

- Where she at?

- Where she at?

- I get the switch.

- Sit down. I am not hitting my child.

What? You can't stomach it?

- We'll whoop that ass for you!

- No!

Nobody is hitting my child, okay?

I told them early

you need to whip them kids,

I been tellin' him

since they were little.

"Whoop her! Whoop her!

Whoop her ass! Whoop her ass!

Whoop her ass! Whoop her ass!

Whoop her ass! Whoop her ass!

Whoop her ass! Whoop her ass!"

What'd he do?

He don't whoop her ass.

Listen, we have never spanked our

children, ever. We didn't do that.

We weren't those kind of parents.

- Well, that's the problem right there!

- That's right.

That's right, that's right! Whoop her.

Baby, let me tell you something.

I'm not tellin' you to go up there

and abuse no child.

Even though

I got a hammer in my purse.

I'm just kidding about the hammer.

No, I'm not.

But listen, what I'm trying to get you

to understand is very, very simple, son.

Hear me clearly. A little love tap

ain't never hurt nobody.

- There it is. Love tap.

- A little love tap.

Just tap your child.

A little love tap.

Like I did you,

I gave you lots of love taps.

Lot... What?

Hold on a second,

did you just say "love tap"?

No, no, no, no, no.

That wasn't a love tap,

I was on life support.

Are you...

Are you blaming that on me?

That is not my fault.

What'd I have to do with you

being on life support?

Am I missing something? I was

four years old. Whose fault was it?

I told your ass to stop talking back

to me and what did you do?

I said...

I was talking back.

Right. So when I bust your ass

and you ended up

in the damn life support situation,

whose problem did that belong to?

You better hold up,

she gonna explode her prostate.

Right. That's your own damn fault.

The defense rests, Your Honor.

- Mmm-hmm.

- The case is closed.

Thank you. The jury has been excused.

You guys don't understand, okay?

I know in your day you could do that,

you could beat kids, you could slap 'em,

but this is a different day and time.

You can't spank your kids

these days, okay?

You go to jail

for things like that now.

That's what it is?

You're politically correct.

Let me tell you somethin' about

"you can't hit your kids these days."

And hear me clearly

when I say this to you, son.

Bullshit! Bullshit!

Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!

Daddy, I'm gonna tell you one more time,

stop using that language in this house.

Bullshit! Bullshit!

Bullshit! Bullshit!

Joe, shut up!

Stop all that saying all them cuss words

up in here, Joe, hell.

Boy, if I didn't whoop your ass

you know where you'd be right now?

Somewhere strung out on drugs.

You don't know the hell...

trying to get 20 dollars for a fix.

You don't know what the hell

you talkin' 'bout.

That's why you turned out

well like you did.

That's why you're a federal prosecutor.

Hell, I beat you so much you were scared

to look at a damn crack pipe.

You ain't know

what a damn crack pipe was.

You know what a crack pipe

is now, don't you?

See, he still don't know

what the hell a crack pipe is.

You know why that is?

'Cause I beat your ass.

You sure did, you was

rough on that boy. I felt so bad.

See, your daddy was raw.

He'd beat the hell out you

and leave you out in the street,

just bloody guts all over, everywhere.

I at least would

take you to the hospital

after I knocked the hell out you.

Look, son, just go on up them

stairs, and do what I had to do to you

that day that you got mad at me.

Just go on, do what you gotta do, son.

Bite the bullet.

I am not taking my daughter on the roof

and throwing her off.

Why wouldn't you do that?

- He did that?

- Yes!

He sure did.

I'ma just tell you somethin',

if you're gonna try

and teach a child a lesson

and push 'em off a roof,

at least check they pockets.

Joe, you should have

checked his pockets.

I forgot about that little pencil. Oh.

Number two, yellow stick.

He had his little pencil

in his pocket...

Little pencil went straight through

one of his little balls.

Looked like a little

Tootsie Roll on a stick.

That poor thing.

I was traumatized.

Let me ask you somethin'.

Did you die?

That's not funny.

That's not funny.

I bet that's just

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