Boo! A Madea Halloween Page #5

so interesting to see.

I just wanna look at it.

I bet you have problems

peein' too, don't you?

You probably just have one drop.

Plop.

Bam, hush that.

Oh... Oh...

Did it grow back?

Grow back?

I'm... I'm not a reptile, it doesn't...

Well, he just told us

he ain't no anaconda.

Though I almost felt bad when I saw

that little number two yellow pencil.

He almost got lead poisoning.

Daddy, you shouldn't have

pushed me off that roof.

That's all I'm gonna say.

You shouldn't have

pushed me off that roof.

Again. Did you die, nigga?

How many times I have to tell you?

Stop using that word.

That is a horrible word.

I don't even understand

why you keep using that word.

Stop saying it, it's horrible!

It's awful. All these people

use it in the music...

All these kids

are in these clubs saying it.

Stop saying that word!

B*tch ass.

Daddy, I'm warning you. Stop that...

- Nigga.

- Okay, let's get this clear.

Nobody is laying a hand

on my daughter, okay?

Now, Madea, can you please not tell her

that I asked you to come by?

Okay, can you please

just tell her that...

Um...

You were in the neighborhood,

and... And you stopped by.

Okay? Can you do that?

Yeah, he wants me to lie.

I'm not gonna lie.

- I don't do that. I'm not a liar.

- Why? You scared of her?

No, I'm not scared of her, but I just...

I'm trying this approach

that I read in a book,

that you and your kids should be...

Buddies. Pals.

You should be friends.

Friends? You ain't

supposed to be friends

with your damn child, you the parent.

Y'all not equals.

What the hell you talkin' 'bout,

a friend? A friend?

They have to listen to

what the hell you tell them to do.

If they don't, they gotta

bounce they ass up out the house.

Go pay they own mortgage.

Go pay they own rent.

Go pay something, do you understand?

Being a damn child friend.

What the hell is wrong with you,

talkin' 'bout being your child friend.

- That's stupid as hell!

- I hear you, okay?

- Dad, you haven't left yet?

- Um...

- Hi.

- Hi.

Remember what I said to you.

That you stopped by.

- What?

- Ms. Madea, how are you?

Oh, I'm fine, how you doin', baby?

Good to see you.

Good to see you, too.

Who the hell is that?

Mabel! That's the pastor's daughter.

Damn, you don't know that?

Hell, even I know that

and I don't even go to church.

You don't know that's

the pastor's daughter? Damn.

Sinner! Devil.

You know I don't know no pastor.

She rolled up on me

like she know me, like...

"Hey, how you doing?"

I don't know her like that.

Mabel, everybody know you, honey.

You been on the news so much.

Barn, you ain't gotta

tell people all my business.

Um, so, what are they doing here?

- I have no idea.

- Oh.

I just opened the door,

- and barn! There was Madea.

- Really?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Oh.

I opened the door, she said,

"Happy Haller-ween."

You know how she says "haller"

and everything, so...

Madea, what are you doing here?

What the hell you mean

"what bring you by?" You called me.

Oh. Oh. Um...

I was in...

The neigh...

The neighborhood, and...

I came... I was on my way to walk...

I was in the neighborhood and I came by

to talk to your... Oh.

To spend the... To stay the night.

Oh, I was in the neighborhood,

I came by to stay the night, yeah.

- That's too much to remember.

- Dad.

What? I didn't...

I didn't know. I had no idea.

I had no idea she was coming.

- But isn't it great?

- No!

Now you have somebody

to be here with you all night.

- That's great.

- Happy Haller-ween.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Thank you.

Listen, thank you for

having us over here, Brian.

- Okay?

- I'll see you later.

Hey, where the hell the liquor at?

I was so worried at my house.

You know, I'm scared of everything.

Scared of everything.

And this Halloween stuff

just give me the creeps.

She don't like...

She don't like Haller-ween.

Mmm-mmm. Don't like it at all.

It just give me the creeps.

But now I'm all right.

- 'Cause we all here together.

- All here together.

- That's right.

- Together.

Okay, well, I'm tired of talking

to you old people,

so I'm gonna go upstairs.

Nice to meet you!

There's something inside me

that want to go grab that girl

and slap the sh*t out of her.

But I'm not gonna do it.

Oh, it's getting late.

We gotta hurry if we're gonna

catch this party.

This makes me so mad.

I can't believe my dad got all these

old people here to watch me.

Oh, it's not that bad.

You know, Ms. Barn

kinda reminds me of my grandma.

She always gets

really scared on Halloween.

Starts talkin' 'bout

the devil and what not.

But then she just goes to sleep early.

She just wants the day to be over with.

Wait, no, that's it.

We're gonna trick them

into going to bed early.

Trick them?

What do you mean, trick them?

We're gonna scare the hell out of 'em.

Okay, listen, Aday.

When I tell you to press this,

you press it, 'kay?

Is this a bomb or something?

No, it's not a bomb,

it controls the lights.

- Oh, thank God.

- Come on.

I thought we were blowing

old people up today.

No.

I'm tryin' to make it

to heaven, Tiffany.

They got a nice wood-burning fire.

Yeah, people don't have no

wood-burning fireplaces no more.

Everything's gas now, these children.

We done got gas on everything.

- Did good.

- Hey.

Look what I brought home from school.

What... What the hell is that?

It's a ghost board, Grandpa.

Get that... Get that

on the hell on out of here.

No, ma'am. Uh-uh.

Get that devilment out of here.

Right.

No, it's fun.

It's how you communicate with the dead.

You heard her.

Get it on out of here, honey.

We don't play with stuff like that.

Get that up out of here.

No, it's fun!

I'ma tell you right now, if you open it,

that's what you're gonna be.

Dead. You're gonna be

on the other side.

We not playing with stuff

like that, honey.

We don't play with stuff like that.

Give me... Put this down.

What is that that fell out of the thing?

What is that? I don't touch this stuff.

I grew up in New Orleans,

they got voodoo everywhere.

No.

It's a card. It says, "Death."

Oh, no.

Ain't no "oh, no."

I'ma tell you right now.

See, y'all children

don't understand.

Let me make this

perfectly clear to you, honey.

You don't be playing around.

Keep playing with the devil,

he gonna show up.

Yeah, he gonna show up. He's sittin'

right there in front of you.

I tell you right now,

don't play with me, little girl.

That's what you gonna look like,

just like that damn skeleton

on that card.

Doin' a pirouette.

You understand? Go to bed.

You don't understand.

This card comes from Mr. Wilson.

The man that died

in this house on Halloween.

He killed his entire family and put

all of their bodies in the attic.

And it's said that every Halloween

he comes back to take a life.

And the only place he doesn't go

in this house are the bedrooms.

Because that's where

the priests used to sleep

when this house was a monastery.

- Whoa.

- I know.

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