Book Club Page #4

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stop saying "sex"?

What do you prefer,

"make love"?

- "I don't make love. I f..."

- [coughs]

"Hard."

That's what he said.

- Oh, my.

- Ooh.

You've completely lost it.

- No, I think she's found it.

- Yeah.

She's found it. Handcuffed

in the red room, right?

[imitates whip cracking]

- The whip.

- [Carol] The red room.

Bruce must be having

such fun with all this.

Oh, yes, such fun,

actually. Yeah.

What is that?

[Carol groans]

This book made me realize that

it's been quite a while

since we... you know.

As in... as in weeks?

Mmm, like, maybe six.

- Six weeks?

- Months.

Oh, God, I thought you guys

were like rabbits.

We are, if rabbits

took a ton of Benadryl

and made a chastity pact.

Oh, my God, we have

to put a stop to this.

Oh, come on.

I mean, if women our age

were meant to have sex,

God wouldn't do

what he does to our bodies.

Whoa! Well,

speak for yourself.

That was not God.

That was Dr. Nazarian.

[laughs]

He did a good job.

- Hey, everyone.

- [all gasp]

- [all] Hey!

- What's the topic this month?

- What...

- Moby Dick.

Oh, yeah, sounds like fun.

- Carol?

- What?

You are not gonna believe

what I pulled out of the garage.

My old motorcycle.

That poor thing

hasn't been ridden in ages!

Poor thing.

Oh, there's a little sag

in the cable.

She's still got

a gorgeous chassis.

You know, I was thinking

maybe I could lube her up

and get that old gal

riding again.

- Yeah, yeah, good idea.

- That's good.

Give her undercarriage

a good buff

and slap a little wax

on her saddle.

[giggling]

[laughs] Ooh, I hope

he uses protection.

- Shut up.

- Moby Dick?

- What was that?

- I don't know.

I don't know why my mind

keeps going there.

It's like, duh.

Ladies, this book

is a wakeup call.

I don't care what society

says about women our age.

Sex must not be

taken off the table.

Hold on. I mean, we are four

smart successful women.

I don't need a man.

I know. You've proved that

for 18 years.

Touch.

No, my point is,

the choice should be ours.

[Diane] Speaking of which,

we are doubling down.

How about this

for a choice? [laughs]

Oh!

- Thank God it's a trilogy.

- My God!

- Especially for you, Sharon.

- Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you.

Ladies?

- What?

- Ladies?

- Yes?

- [Carol] Yes?

We shall not go gentle

into that good night.

So, let's lube up those bikes

and get riding again!

[all howl]

"I groan and tilt my pelvis

involuntarily against him,

finding a delicious..."

[laughs hysterically]

"...a delicious friction..."

Oh, this is really something.

"...against the seam of his fly

and his growing erection."

- [cell phone ringing]

- [whispers] Oh...

Oh, dear.

Oh, my God, okay, okay.

- Hello?

- [Adrianne] Are you okay?

You were supposed

to call me after dinner.

Yeah, I'm fine, honey.

I just finished.

[Adrianne]

Did you eat alone?

Yes, alone.

[Adrianne sighs]

God, it's all so sad.

Yeah.

Okay, but anyway...

thanks for checking in,

and I really should get to bed.

[Adrianne] Remember,

we can put you in the basement

whenever you're ready.

Okay.

[sighs]

[sighs] Whoa.

[scoffs] I mean...

[whispers] Wow, wow.

[cell phone ringing]

[in annoyed tone] Hello!

[Mitchell] Is that really

how you answer the phone?

- All right, who is this?

- I'm gonna hang up now.

Then I'll call you back

and we're gonna try this again.

[groans] Oh, my God.

[cell phone ringing]

It's over.

I can't do anything right,

obviously. Okay.

Hello there!

Hey, hello there.

Much better.

Have you had dinner?

[Diane] Oh, I have. Yeah.

How about tomorrow night?

Dinner tomorrow night?

Sounds great.

Thought you'd never ask.

What time

should I pick you up?

But I...

I really can't, so...

- Why can't you?

- No, I mean...

I mean, of course I can,

but where are you anyway?

I'm in Sedona.

But I'm in... Oh!

I'm in Santa Monica, so...

I'm aware.

I'll pick you up at 6:30.

Well, wait. But you can't

just kind of like...

Actually, I can.

I'll see you tomorrow night.

[chuckles] Oh, God.

[sighs] Oh, dear.

Oh.

Someone make a bad wish?

Oh, you should know I rescue

wishes all over town.

Wanna grab

a cup of coffee?

Oh, I... I can't today.

Well, I'd like

to grab a drink sometime.

We have an excellent bar

on the mezzanine level.

Oh, you meant with me?

- You're funny.

- Oh.

Okay, it's a date, then.

[whistles]

I love

that you have a date!

Yeah, and it's a first date.

So it's important

that you put on something sexy.

- [sighs] Oh...

- [Diane] I don't own anything sexy.

Don't listen to her.

Just be comfortable.

Be yourself.

Okay. Well, what about...

Does this...

- That's too comfortable.

- [Carol] Right, yeah, no. No.

Okay, fine.

I can take that

to Goodwill for you.

Don't do that to them.

Those people

have enough trouble.

- She always does this.

- [whispers] I know.

She wears these

voluminous things

to cover that beautiful figure.

All the time!

- Oh! Oh, my God!

- [Carol] Yes!

- Perfect! You look great!

- You look perfect.

- Let me see.

- I don't want...

Oh, my God, you look so good.

Unbutton one little button here.

- Show off the girls.

- [shrieks] Get off!

Let them out!

Oh, no, no, no.

- This is so ridiculous.

- So exciting.

Oh, I can't believe

how nervous I am.

I am, too.

Do you remember your last date?

We're talking Nixon era.

- Wait, is that helping?

- No.

[doorbell rings]

[Diane] Oh, God.

I need a safe word.

[whimpers]

You're gonna be great!

You're gonna be great.

This is gonna be amazing!

Let's get to the window.

Just act natural.

Showtime!

- Well, hey, you.

- Oh, good, you're home.

- He's wearing jeans.

- I love a man in jeans.

Let me see. Okay...

- He's got a cute tush.

- [Vivian] Oh, God!

[Carol] Oh, God.

[laughter]

Um...

- Oh. You brought me flowers?

- Here you go.

Thank you so much.

[Vivian] He brought flowers!

[Carol] I love a man

who brings flowers.

If you don't like them,

blame your neighbors.

- I picked them from their garden.

- You're kidding.

[Sharon] The last time she went

on a date, she got pregnant.

[Vivian] I don't think

that's gonna happen this time.

- He gave up on you.

- I know. That's okay.

- So, where were we?

- Oh, yeah, a bathroom.

A public bathroom?

Like, a public bathroom?

Yeah, like in a park.

- In a park?

- Well, yes, I was 11.

- The setting wasn't the first thing on my mind.

- No.

- What about you?

- Me? Oh, I don't remember.

Everybody remembers

their first kiss.

How about I tell you

about my best kiss?

Maybe that hasn't

happened yet.

Oh, I see. Well. Hmm.

My first kiss.

That'd be the sixth grade

and Terry Sanders.

Terry Sanders.

Is that a boy or a girl?

[chuckles] A boy, obviously.

I don't know.

Anyway, it was one

of those Christmas mixers.

Some friends and I,

we snuck backstage.

It was dark, and...

I remember hearing the first

bluesy notes of "At Last."

Remember? By Etta James?

And it came billowing down

through the curtains,

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