Book Club Page #6

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When you guys

are finished joking,

can you get me

some scissors?

I can't feel my feet.

[Chris] Is that the one

I showed you?

No. Found it on Zillow.

Check it out.

- This has a media room.

- Oh, sick.

You don't need

a media room,

you need your son to live

in a good school district.

Mom. You shouldn't be

adding salt.

It's spaghetti. I always

add salt to my spaghetti.

Mom, did you not get the article

I sent you on blood pressure?

[cell phone ringing]

Oh, shoot. Could... Could you

excuse me for just a sec?

Don't say "sick".

You're 40 years old.

[Diane] Hi, how are you?

Come visit you?

That's crazy!

What? Well, I don't know

how I can do that, you know?

Yeah?

Oh. Well, okay.

I'm just gonna have

to come up with a reason.

- [Jill] Mom?

- Uh-oh. I got to go.

Okay, yes, and I will.

Okay, bye.

- [Adrianne] Is everything okay?

- [sighs] No. No.

That was my neighbor.

And, um...

There was a robber,

or a burglar, I don't know.

Anyway, they think

that the house was burgled!

- Burgled?

- It's shocking!

But you know something? I think I

need to get back there ASAP to help.

What do you mean, help?

What I mean is the authorities...

they may want to ask some questions.

So I do need

to get back there now.

The authorities?

I'm not a suspect.

I'm not suspicious.

It's not that kind of thing.

But I'm so worried.

This world is just not

a safe place for you anymore.

I'm sorry, and...

I'm really gonna try

to keep that in my mind, okay?

But anyway, I need to book

a flight back tomorrow.

Do I just not

turn you on anymore?

I mean, I get it after 35 years

and three kids, but am I...

Is it just not exciting

anymore?

I love you, Carol.

I know you love me,

and I love you.

Then what is the problem?

The problem is we haven't

even tried to make love

since your retirement party.

And we both know

how that turned out.

You yourself said

there was something wrong

with the lamb that night.

We both know there was

nothing wrong with the lamb.

I'm the one who made it.

I'm not having

this conversation.

[sighs] Bruce, Vivian said

that it is so normal for men...

Wait. Vivian?

Dr. Schaefer said there are

safe and effective ways...

You talked to Dr. Schaefer?

I did not think

you'd want to talk to him.

- I don't want to talk to him!

- See? I knew that! I knew that!

He asked me, "Does he

still pleasure himself?"

- Oh, my God!

- And I said, "I have no idea!"

Carol! This is enough!

[shouts] Bruce!

I want to have sex!

[dog whines]

Hello.

[huffs]

Excuse me.

[both sigh]

Okay, come on, baby.

Get your leg up there.

[grunts]

Goddang it.

[engine fails]

Come on.

What, you can't

get it turned on, huh?

Hi. Do you have a reservation?

No, actually

I'm meeting someone.

His name is George.

He's a tax accountant.

Right. Follow me.

Enjoy your meal.

Hey, you have arms!

It would've been fine

if you didn't, but it's...

better that you do. Hey.

So nice to... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'll take care of it.

This is why

I don't leave the house.

- Shall we start again?

- I'm afraid to reenter.

Nah.

We can take it

right from here.

[Sharon] Okay.

So, what about you?

- You work?

- Um, yes.

Actually, I'm currently working

on my drinking. [chuckles]

[both laugh]

You have a nice laugh.

Thank you.

Actually,

I'm a federal judge.

Wow.

- Really?

- Yeah.

And I do have the power

to put you in handcuffs.

I don't know

why I said that. Really.

I'm sorry. I...

I was guessing what you

might be thinking and...

I mean, not you,

but men.

Not like all men

think the same, but...

I'm sorry I'm not better

at this, but this is...

Whoa.

Can I make a confession?

Uh, I changed

my shirt today six times

and I only have five shirts.

And the irony is

that they're all exactly alike.

Blue, button-down,

Brooks Brothers.

Well, who doesn't love

Brooks Brothers?

Not this guy.

When did dating

get so complicated?

I mean, it used to be

you'd go to a dance

and bada-boom bada-bing, you'd

get married and pregnant.

Now you have

to come up with

earth-shattering

theories on life

before you even get a "wink."

What is that, a "wink" online?

You know, you are so much better

at this than you think you are.

Thank you.

You are too,

for the record.

All my past relationships

taught me one thing.

I can't sleep with men.

Well, now, there's a revelation

I was not expecting.

No, but sex is fine.

I just can't sleep.

Okay,

that makes more sense.

Now I can focus on

what you're gonna say next.

I can't understand

how men can sleep anywhere.

On the floor, in a bed,

on a couch.

I'm staring at the ceiling

and they're off

in some blissful dreamscape.

Well, they say that bad sleep is

a sign of a bad relationship.

Yeah, well,

I can attest to that.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Wow.

I never thought

I'd be back here again.

Me, neither.

Here we go.

[moans appreciatively]

- Is it as good as you remember?

- Maybe better.

Let me ask you a question.

What's your favorite thing

in the whole world?

Well, that's a very

broad question.

Um...

Arm tickles.

- Come on.

- No, without a doubt.

No, it's true.

I'm a girl of simple pleasures.

[laughs] Says the girl

with a staff of 150!

Ah, but it would be

so much better

if they were all

tickling my arms.

You know what I love to do

that I never do anymore?

Listen to a full album on vinyl

from beginning to end.

Vinyl sure has made

a comeback, hasn't it?

Well, some things

stand the test of time.

That they do.

[romantic music playing]

[music stops]

[instructor claps]

Dance is about connection.

It can't just be routine.

Moving in unison

is not the same as dancing.

Right.

[sighs]

[Carol] I think

we're done for the night.

Sorry.

I was 14. She was 17.

She could drive a car.

And she was sitting

behind the wheel.

She said, "Come here."

This is me.

Thank you for making

tonight so easy.

Oh... It was a great,

great pleasure.

Um, I have to ask you this.

First of all,

I think you're great.

And second,

I know that the chances of this

going past this evening

are slim, but...

would you mind if I...

kissed you?

If I had a nickel

for every time

someone asked me that.

All right, all right. I'll just

rewind the tape about 30 seconds.

Shut up and kiss me.

Oh, hell.

[clears throat]

I think this belongs to you.

Thank you.

[Sharon] Ginsburger!

Ooh. I'm gonna need

a bigger back seat.

Paging Dr. Derek.

- [Adrianne] Is this good?

- Uh-huh. This is fine, this is totally fine.

Okay.

I love how your generation

still feels the need

to get fancy for air travel.

It's so cute.

[Diane] Okay...

- Call me when you get back to L.A.

- Of course.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

- Be safe.

- Bye-bye.

- Love you.

- Love you!

[groans]

[groans]

Quite an escape, Houdini.

Oh, God. I can't believe

I'm doing this.

[pop music playing]

[inaudible]

[inaudible]

You know,

I can't get over it.

Honestly, I'm not sure

I've ever seen a prettier sky.

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