Bordering on Bad Behavior Page #4

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you guys under one banner.

Yeah, okay.

Yo, Bob!

What do you call us Arabs in

your part of the world?

That would be Dune Coon, Sand N*gger, Camel

Jockey, and Towel Head, sh*t like that!

You see that is the true

definition of anti-Semitic!

Alright, so Bob,

who is the Semite in the room?!

Well, it ain't Ari 'cos he's some kinda

European breed which makes him an Ashkenazi!

You see, it's funny how you

people claim to be Semitic,

chanting the anti-Semite

war cry,

when you're not even a proper Semite yourself

or even understand the f***ing term!

Where do you get your facts

from Baz?

No seriously,

I want you to tell me.

'Cause I've never heard so much racist

bullshit in my whole goddamn life!

Hey, listen you...

Listen, you two monkey ball

shavers, come on.

Baz, no, settle down.

Okay?

F*** me.

You know what the problem

is with you people?

Now, you have facts

and you have facts.

That a fact is just another d*ckhead's

opinion and that is a f***ing fact.

Now, I have something special

to calm you two down.

And it isn't a...

man's penis, nor is it mine!

Mexican-Cuban bud!

Are you f***ing serious?

Yeah...

I don't normally do it on watch,

but I feel that we're all

gonna be killed tonight,

and I want to be high when I

catch my round in my head.

So, one for you,

go on, one for you,

one for me and...

Alright, come on, Ari!

Come with me,

we're going some place special

and you don't even have

to leave the building.

You can't anyway.

Now that's really...

That's, that's some strong weed

there.

Bye!

You okay?

I'm fine.

Don't worry about me,

I'm worried about you.

Just another day at the office,

huh?

It would be nice to get Lisa

out of the city.

Hey.

Hey.

Listen,

first thing in the morning...

we'll get a bus up

to Jordan and then...

hopefully be in Lebanon

by nightfall, huh?

I love you, baby.

I really f***ing love you.

When those soldiers come

through that door and see me,

they're really gonna f*** us

all to hell!

Yeah, yeah.

But, but first I'm going to

unload a full magazine.

No, 'cause I'm gonna tell them

who you really are.

I'm gonna to tell them,

he's f***ing Australian!

So...

So, Bob.

How did you come to work

for the Israelis?

And why are you wearing an

Israeli uniform?

Yeah Bob, I was wondering why are you

wearing the uniform of a f***ing warrior!

F*** off, Ari!

I spilt some hot dog gravy

on my uniform this morning

and this is the only piece

of sh*t they had lying around.

You have some respect

for this uniform, scum sh*t.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I do

kinda like the color, though!

Kelly green and so pretty!

I joined the military

to see the world.

Took a class in Arabic.

My first posting was in Egypt.

Since then I've done tours in

Jordan, Lebanon, and the U.A.E.

I've been to Libya, Morocco,

Tunisia, Lebanon, Sacramento

and Kansas city.

I've even been to Iran!

Best house parties, hands down.

The best drugs, women!

F*** man,

you seriously should go.

I'm impressed, hillbilly.

Well, we're not all dumb

Americans, you should be.

So you're a spy?

You FBI or CIA?

You're high! I'm a hillbilly!

I'm a Cryptologic Linguist. Hence my

ability to read and write Arabic.

So what you're saying is that

you're a redneck nerd?

Basically I just teach them

how to use the equipment.

That's why they stuck me here,

till tomorrow morning

when I leave,

if I'm still alive.

Then it's back to my unit

in Dubai.

The Las Vegas

of the Middle East!

The best hotels,

the hottest women,

the tallest buildings,

but the shittiest drivers

in the world, sh*t.

What the f***.

You both know you're cut

from the same cloth, right?

- You're cousins!

- What?

You're monkeys, I mean,

you're monkey cousins,

you're basically monkeys

that are cousins

who don't talk no more

because your...

it was your uncle that f***ed

his grandmother in the ass

with a hound dog's

gorilla's dick!

- What the f***?!

- I'm just trying to say Arabs

and Jews are cousins

at the end of the day.

What the f***

are you talking about?

Okay, you stupid people.

You're both circumcised, right?

You eat Kosher, you eat Halal,

they're both the same

kind of sh*t.

No.

- What?

- It's not.

It's pretty close.

Haredi Jews are like

conservative Muslims,

strict and crazy.

You make a good point there.

That's it.

Check it out!

Are you one of those Facebook freaks that

invites hot chicks to be your friend?

Sand-nigga, please.

Look, I've got a little

surprise for you boys, okay?

Yo Bob, if you're going to show

us your pee-wee again,

I swear to God I'm going to

make a little kebab out of it.

Hey, pee-wee this,

smart-ass, okay?

Now there's something

you need to know about me,

and that is I love to cook!

See, you are gay!

Goddamn it, Baz, listen to me.

I love p*ssy,

I love my beer, but cooking

is my first love.

So what are you going to cook?

Like Jesus, we're going to have

our Last Supper!

Big Bob is going to be making his uh,

nice piece of beef baby back ribs.

Oh yeah!

And not only that, some mashed

potatoes and coleslaw, too.

Yep, and you two little sand-

niggas are gonna help me out.

What do we need to do, Hitler?

I need you to peel

some potatoes.

Oh man, how long

is this gonna take?

This bag of weed

will speed things up.

Check it out.

Oof!

Sh*t, Bob!

Where did you get this

magical green from?

Oof!

That boy just marinated

the brisket.

Oof!

- Bob?

- Huh?

Tell me something...

Um, why are you Americans so

stupid and brain washed?

I don't have enough time

to explain it, really.

But smoking a joint a day,

keeps the terrorists away.

'Cause this stuff is going to bring

us world peace, I'm telling you.

F*** this,

I can't smoke anymore.

- I'm f***ing dead.

- P*ssy.

Hey, did you know that America has been

involved in 67 wars that we know of?

About 250 actions since

World War II?

The American government

has been involved in

and assisted in the overthrowin'

of foreign governments.

C*nts!

We get rid of democracy governments

because they don't play our game

and put in our dictator puppets.

I don't even like being

American at times, sh*t!

You d*cks preach democracy then

kick the sh*t out of some

poor country that doesn't

play by your rules.

You're in wonderland!

Let's keep you preoccupied

with reality shows, a house

mortgage, porn, fast food,

and propaganda media while

the government of the West go

and rape a second or third world

country for their resources.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Okay, okay, okay...

I'm stoned!

F***, I'm stoned

like a motherf***er!

So if you were the President of

the United States of America,

what would you say

to the people?

My fellow Americans.

Now I said there would be

change, and goddamn it,

change has come.

I told you I would go after

those crooked...

politician Wall Street bankers

and I did.

I have pulled our troops from

their overseas postings

and they're back home where they

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