Bordering on Bad Behavior Page #5

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belong protecting the U.S of A.

And we left all that other bullshit

to NATO and the United Nations.

And I will not allow the media

to put any more fear

into the American people.

Man!

Listen...

we are gonna start again

from scratch in this country.

We the people come first.

Not the government.

Not the media.

Not the banks.

You the people come first!

I don't care if you're Jewish

or Muslim or Christian

or African-American

or purple or black or gay.

Hell, I don't care.

We have f***ed everyone over

for so long

that the whole world hates us.

I'm tired of being called the

dumbest country in the world.

So I'm telling you...

to put a smile on your face,

and read a book.

Say hi to somebody, be nice.

And um, last of all,

I want to say

God bless you,

God bless your family,

and last of all, God bless...

America, please!

God bless the whole world.

That's what I'd say

if I was president.

Bravo, Bob the Builder.

One thing, Mr. President,

the Nazis running your

immigration department

need to go easy on anyone with

a slight tan and dark beard.

Including the women.

And the rubber glove thing up

the ass, it's just not fair!

Is the food ready yet?

I'm f***ing starving.

Twenty minutes.

Hey!

Anyone up for a boxing fight?

Yeah, I like to work up a good

sweat before I have a feast.

Come on Ari, you sad-sack

of camel balls, fight me.

Let's do this, cock-head.

I mean, Mr. President.

Come on, Jew boy, let's go.

Bob, I'm telling you,

this is goddamn stupid.

- Imma kick your ass.

- No, this is great!

- Beat his ass, Bob!

- I just need one.

All right, here we go, ready?

Bob seriously, I don't want

to hurt you.

- Oh, Imma beat the sh*t out of you.

- You boys ready?

Yeah, Let's go.

Come on!

Bob, now this just made me

angry, motherf***er!

It looked like

a good little hit.

Bob, I'm warning you, man.

Uh...

Yo, Bob!

- Bob!

- Bob!

Hey, grub's up, b*tches!

Give me a hand.

We're gonna eat like we did

in the good old days.

There was a time when the

Arabs, the Jews and Christians

were all friends

and would eat together.

What time is it?

Oh right!

It's Jew-bashing time!

Oh come on,

it's just a fact Ari.

Ask the old people,

it's all there,

you just gotta open your eyes.

Well Bob, the old people

are dead now.

All we have left is just...

bloodshed and hatred.

I've lost seven mates in action

and my cousin was shot

by an Israeli soldier.

Does that mean that

I have to hate you?

You're not the one who

pulled the trigger.

The poor bastard who did, probably didn't

want to be there in the first place.

Well, I don't know how

to forgive so...

Well, it's hard, mate.

Have some shisha.

My two boys are getting along.

That's good, that's good.

Alright, yalla, man!

Lets eat!

Yalla!

So you guys really f***ed

yourselves on September 11th, huh?

The new bad boys.

You certainly do

look the part, too.

The Russians were the bad-asses

in the 70s and 80s,

the North Koreans in the 90s.

Tadaa!

We now hold the baton of love,

hey?

You Arabs think we did it to

ourselves to get your oil, right?

I think it was.

- Really?

- Really?

You, Mr. Israel?

I just think you Arabs

were too...

dumb to execute

such a perfect plan.

So Baz, if we're talking here...

can you explain to me,

why are Arabs so damn backwards?

See, the Middle East has been a f***ing

bloodbath for thousands of years.

And that includes

my Jewish brothers.

The Ottomans took over most

of the Middle East from...

like the eleventh century,

right through to the end of World War I.

So the people have been repressed

for a f***ing long time.

They have fought for their

land, for their freedom,

for their individual religions.

- Ah, bullshit.

- Ah, no...

After the Great War,

everyone had their f***ing

finger in the pie.

The French, the British,

even your crew, Bob.

But you didn't just have

your finger in the pie,

you put your whole f***ing fist

in there and your cock!

Not my cock.

When the Brits broke up the

British mandate in Palestine,

they gave the majority of the land to

Jordan and a little bit to Israel.

- Real little bit.

- Little bit.

But hey, that's when all

the fun began, right?

Well, you bring oil

in the picture...

The powers that be just been playing the

Arabs against each other, that's all.

Well thank you boys, but...

what I really want to ask you,

Baz, is...

what makes a person

blow themselves up?

Well if I was to take a guess,

I'd look at it like this...

You take a man's land,

you blow his house up,

you harass him every single day,

turn off his electricity and water,

voil, one suicide bomber!

We pulled out of Gaza

back in 2005.

We gave sacrifices man,

they get a chance to vote,

they get a chance

to have their say,

but they still choose

to blow themselves up!

That's a good point, good point.

All I'm saying is the people in Israel

want to live their lives in peace.

And the Israeli people

are not the government,

they're not the IDF,

and they're not Sephardic or Ashkenazi!

They are citizens.

We have people who want war.

You have people who want war.

But I assure you most of the people in Israel

are just like everywhere else in the world,

we just want peace.

Peace?

Baz, if you think the people

in Israel don't want peace,

I'm sorry to say you know nothing

about this part of the world.

Look, all I do know is that the

Middle East is growing up fast.

Dubai, Abu Dhabi.

Their sheiks

care for their people,

and the people

love their leaders.

The rest of the Middle East needs

to take a page out of their book.

They need to steel the book!

Hey!

I-I agree with you.

Yeah...

- You do agree.

- It's a shocker, right?

So Bob, you're a connoisseur

of the green sh*t, huh?

I am a high time loyal fan,

yeah.

What are you on about

anyway, man?

Close your eyes,

I'm about to take you on a tour.

It's called, "Getting-high-

with-Bob."

- Motherf***er.

- Close my eyes?

Close your eyes, man,

it's better when you're high.

It's gonna rock your world.

Ready?

Think I'm f***ing with you, boy?

I keep the peace with that

green spirit, hippie sh*t, man.

They say breakfast is the most

important meal of the day,

so make sure you have

your Special J.

Sexy Amsterdam,

there's nothing like sucking it

through a bong.

This is my man Bob smoking

an African black joint.

It's some gooood sh*t, man!

My good friend, Lebo AK-47.

It's a nice view from the top.

Hey, Mr. Hindu-kush

is my best friend!

The Buddha brings peace to one's

mind and soul in a crazy city.

Ping-pong, anyone?

That was an awesome trip, man.

You boys up for a li'l

Texan fun, huh?

It's called Texan Roulette!

Hey, hey, there are three rules:

One, you got to take

a shot of Jack.

Two, you got to talk sh*t

about somebody.

Three, you gotta

put this revolver...

- Whoa, put the gun down, Bob.

- Whoa, Baz, whoa!

- Drop it.

- It ain't loaded.

It ain't loaded.

Check for yourself.

Sh*t.

Sh*t, Bob, where the f*** did

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