Bride & Prejudice Page #4

You must, you must, you must. Eh?

l could help you start a business there.

That's where the money's to be made.

UK's finished, lndia's too corrupt.

Kholi saab, lndia is still a young country

since lndependence.

l hardly think its potential is over.

What do you think your US was like

after 60 years of independence?

They were killing each other with slavery

and blindly searching for gold.

l tell you, boss, l've made a packet

as an accountant in LA.

You know, the lndian community there

is very professional,

all doctors and computers and...

not like these uneducated

minicab/7-Eleven store types.

lt's ours for the taking.

Anyone can become an American.

Then...why come back here?

Ah...ba da bing, ba da boom.

''Ba da bing, ba da boom''?

There's only one problem with America.

Our girls that are born there,

they've totally lost their roots.

Completely clueless.

Our girls are very rooted.

They're really very, very traditional, huh?

You know, in US,

they're all too outspoken and career-orientated.

And some have even turned into...

..the lesbian.

(Giggling)

- (Clears throat)

- So that leaves me no choice.

l may be healthy, wealthy and wise,

but as they say, ''no life...without wife''.

Kholi saab.

You're a poet as well.

Did you hear that, Mr Bakshi? Huh?

- No life without wife.

- Yes.

Very wisely spoken.

l think God is smiling down on me.

l'm spoilt for choice in this house.

l suppose, as the eldest...

..Jaya must be the first choice.

Actually...er, Kholi saab...

Jaya is practically engaged to someone else.

Oh.

Er, b-b-but, er, Lalita is unspoken for.

La-Lalita.

Lalita.

# Lonely Mr Kholi from Los Angeles

# Came to Punjab on one bent knee

# He had a Green Card, new house, big cash

# Still made a wish with every fallen lash

# For you to do the journey with him

# To smile when he got home,

ask how his day had been

# He wants you by his side, in joy and strife

# Poor Mr Kholi

# He has no life without wife

# No life

# Without wife

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah

# No life

# Without wife

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah

# l don't want a man who ties me down

# Does what he wants while l hang around

# l don't want a man who's crude and loud

# Who wants a pretty wife to make him proud

# l don't want a man who can't be funny

# Tells tall tales about making money

# Oh, yeah

# l don't want a man who'll grab the best seat

# Can't close his mouth when he starts to eat

# l don't want a man who likes to drink

# Or leaves his dirty dishes in the sink

# l don't want a man who wants his mummy

# A balding pest with too much tummy

# l don't want a man who's dead in the head

# Poor Mr Kholi

# Hai, Mr Kholi

# Maybe he's good in bed

(Lion's roar)

ALL:
Euurghh!

# No life

# Without wife

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah

# No life

# Without wife

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah

# What you don't want don't matter no more

# Soon you'll be married and ready to go

# A match made in heaven

just like milk and honey

# You make aloo gobi, he'll make the money

# Every day will be the same,

according to his plan

# Forget what you want,

Mr Kholi's now your man

# No life

# Without wife

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah

# l just want a man with real soul

# Who wants equality and not control

# l just want a man good and smart

# A really sharp mind and a very big heart

# l just want a man not scared to weep

# To hold me close when we're asleep

# Oh, yeah

# l just want a man who loves romance

# Will clear the floor and ask me to dance

# l just want a man who gives some back

# Who talks to me and not my rack

# l just want a man whose spirit is free

# Will hold my hand, walk the world with me

# Oh, yeah

# No life

# Without wife

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah

# No life

# Without wife

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah

# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah

(Birds twittering)

# Sorry, Mr Kholi, it is not to be

# My heart is set on another, you see

# The wandering soul l was meant to meet

# Has finally come and swept me off my feet

# Now l dream of what it would be like

# To be an overseas bride dressed in white

# To have a little home in the country

# And live in the land of Her Majesty

(Screams)

Come, come.

Thank you.

Yes?

Um, nameste gee.

Er, l came to see Lalita. l'm friends with her.

Friends?

Yes.

Lalita!

LALlTA:
Yes, Mama.

- Oh, hi.

- Hi.

- You made it.

- Yeah.

- Come in.

- Thank you.

- How was your journey?

- Great. Thank you.

- Hello, Johnny.

- Hi, Jaya.

- How are you?

- Yeah.

Papa, this is our friend from Goa.

- Johnny Wickham. He's from London.

- Chaman Bakshi.

Oh, pleased to meet you. Johnny Wickham.

He wanted to see the Golden Temple.

So, do you think he could stay with us, Papa?

Please?

Yes, of course.

We can do with some fresh conversation here.

l'll show you the guest room.

Thank you very much, Mr Bakshi.

Mrs Bakshi.

- Oh, God, he's too yum.

- Sshh, he'll hear you.

He cannot stay here.

Hippies are dirty and they steal.

LALlTA:
Mama, he's not a hippy.

And what will Kholi saab say?

He is staying here

in a house full of young unmarried women?

Mr Kholi's been in the house a day

and is already running things?

We can take him to the Garbha tonight.

No, Mama?

Lalita, please may l have

the first dance with him?

See what you've started.

Don't be ridiculous.

He cannot come to the Garbha.

But, Mama, there's never enough

cute boys to dance with.

Have you all gone mad?

What will Balraj think of us

if we all land up there with him?

lt's really unfair.

What's unfair?

Papa, she will not have our friend

come to the Garbha.

Of course he should come

and see Garbha with us.

l just invited him.

This is really a madhouse.

l'm so glad he's come.

l really didn't think he'd make it.

l can't wait to see Balraj.

l wish he didn't have to bring

that Darcy with him.

There's one thing l don't quite understand.

lf Darcy is Balraj's best friend,

he can't be as awful as Johnny thinks he is.

Jaya, you look absolutely beautiful.

And, Lalita, you look nice too.

You've really made an effort tonight.

No doubt you had certain someone in mind.

Hey, mastered the Garbha already?

Ah, no, l can only hope and pray, really.

But um, Lakhi's a great teacher, though.

Really good.

LAKHl:
His Garbha style is killing, man.

- Jaya, they're here. Quickly. Move, please.

- Sorry.

- Don't worry.

- Lakhi.

l'm so sorry about my mother.

She can be a little abrupt.

There's no need to apologise.

l appreciate her letting me stay.

l'm so glad you came.

You couldn't come to lndia and not see Amritsar.

No, you, you were right.

lt's very beautiful.

LALlTA:
You sure you're ready for this?

l'm willing to take the risk.

- Well...

- Hello.

Oh, hi. Hi. Hey, there, buddy.

Hi, buddy, how are you?

Madam, would you do me the honour?

You know, actually, l prefer American hip-hop,

but as Gloria Estefan says,

''The rhythm is going to get you.''

So, bring it on.

(Dramatic drumbeats)

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes