Bridesmaids Page #6

Hmm?

Are you afraid of dying?

Um...

I don't know.

I mean,

I guess everybody is.

I don't know. Why?

Because my mom is

going to kill you.

You're making me

uncomfortable.

Your hair looks burned.

Okay.

Are you going to make

a baby with my father?

I don't...

I don't know.

My grandma died

where you're sitting.

She died right here?

Right where your

underpants are.

You wanna

watch me dance?

Sure.

I can't do this.

Listen to me.

I miss you so much.

I'll come over right now.

Okay, I'm not over

you yet, that's why.

She's not even pretty.

I'm not doing it.

I can't. No.

What are you doing?

Did you eat one of those?

Did you eat

one of those?

I ate Saturday.

Okay. Oh, boy.

You know what?

Something's going

to happen to you.

I don't know what it is,

but something's

going to happen

to your body.

That was fun.

Oh, my gosh.

You know what I was thinking?

You should come with me

to Lillian's wedding, maybe.

Not like that.

Not like anything serious.

But just like

a fun time, you know?

We can get dressed up,

and we can go

dancing and have a drink.

It'll be fun, right?

No. I mean,

I don't want to make

you have to explain

to all those people

what our relationship is.

That would suck for you.

Right?

Yeah. I guess so.

I'm just thinking of you.

Yeah.

No, it's okay.

I have someone else

I can ask, anyway. So...

Really?

Yeah.

Who?

Umm...

This guy, George.

George Glass.

Okay.

Who is this George?

He is a very hot, nice guy

who likes me a lot,

and would probably

love to be my date.

Really?

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Well, let me ask you this.

Can this George Glass

do this to you?

Probably.

You know what?

It's getting really late.

You should probably go.

I'm going to miss you so much.

Oh.

Annie Walker.

Hi.

Hey.

Hey.

What brings you

in here so early?

I've just had a bad night.

Boy stuff.

Ohh.

Do you want me

to arrest anybody?

I could do that.

Actually... No.

Do you want to talk

to a cop about it?

We are just like priests.

Except we can

tell everybody

about it after wards.

Oh.

I won't, though.

Doesn't sound very inviting.

You want a carrot?

Right now?

Yeah.

I'll share.

I've got plenty.

Sure, I'll have a carrot.

Yeah?

Okay.

Ohh. Yeah,

that sounds rough.

It's going to

get better, right?

I wouldn't have

thought so.

You know, my sister

was a maid of honor

at our cousin's wedding,

and she found it so stressful,

her hair started falling out.

That's terrible.

Yeah.

It grew back,

but it was...

It was pretty gross.

Planning a wedding

should be fun.

You know what?

If I ever had a wedding,

I'd want everybody

to be stress-free.

I'd like it to be

like a carnival.

Like, people win prizes

for guessing

the bride's weight.

Dunk tanks.

Yeah.

You know?

Mmm-hmm.

You could have elephants,

and the bride and groom

can walk on

a little tightrope.

Okay, what you are

talking about there,

that's a circus wedding.

It's a totally different...

Right.

You missed it.

Yeah.

Hey, you know,

instead of stressing

out about this wedding,

you know what you

should be doing?

Setting up a new bakery!

Hmm.

No, I'm kind of

done with that.

What?

I don't do it any more.

All right.

Ew.

Oh!

You got the ugly carrot.

What?

There is one in every bag.

You have to eat it.

It's good luck.

I'm not eating this.

Yeah! I'll eat it.

It's the lucky carrot?

No, don't eat it!

Don't eat it. Don't eat it!

Well, don't litter!

I'll fine you.

I'm sorry.

You know what?

Actually,

I'm going to pick it up.

It really bothers me.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just that I'm anal

about that kind of thing.

I didn't know that

you could be a cop here

if you weren't a citizen.

You can't.

No?

No. No, you can't.

But they made

a special dispensation

because I'm so

tough and strong.

Oh. Right.

And handsome.

Okay.

You're pretty...

You're pretty tough.

I am tough.

You're tough.

You're a tough cop.

Look. You're saying it,

but you're laughing.

No, you're...

You're...

You didn't let

me flex that time.

That was unfair.

I'm really tough.

So am I.

No.

Yeah. I could be a cop.

You think

you could be a cop?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Let's see.

You know what?

The sun is nearly up.

Let's go and see if

you've got what it takes.

That's right.

Now, plant your feet.

Okay.

Good.

And take aim.

Now, put your left

hand behind your head.

Yeah. And just

drop your left hip.

I'm kidding. Put your

arms out straight.

Okay.

You want to hit the middle

of the license plate.

That's where you get

the most accurate reading.

Okay.

Okay, here we go.

You ready?

Okay.

Fifty-eight.

What's the speed limit?

Fifty-five.

Okay, they were all right.

We'll let them go.

You were born

to do this.

Look at you.

Okay.

All right,

here we go.

Sixty-three.

You are missing

some good ones here.

People are on

their way to work.

Why ruin their day?

Okay, watch this. 48.

Forty-eight.

How did you do that?

It wasn't!

Yes, it was.

That's never happened.

Are you serious?

It was 48?

Yes, 48!

Yeah.

I'm so impressed.

I'm pretty impressive.

I'm very impressed by you.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Damn!

That was 91.

Yes. Can we go?

We can go.

Come on, hot dogger.

Let's get that f***er.

ANNIE; on, my God!

Oh, my God!

...Family lake house. Perfect.

Hello?

I just got your e-mail.

Lake house?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's

Lillian's parents' house.

We used to go there

all the time in the

summers and everything.

It's one oi..

A bachelorette in a cabin?

Wait. Can you..4

Hold that thought. Hold on.

Hello?

F***ing Helen. Hello?

Annie, it's Rita.

Hi.

Listen, I need a trip

that I can fantasize forever

so that I am able to

have sex with my husband.

That's why

I'm thinking Vegas.

Vegas?

Hang on. Hey!

Shut your filth y

f***ing mouths! I'm sorry.

I'm surrounded by savages.

You know what?

I should probably run.

My other line is ringing.

You know, I can get cocaine

from my hairdresser.

Okay, bye. Hello?

Annie.

Yeah?

I'm so excited.

Helen just called.

She said we can go to Vegas.

You know...

Yeah, but we have to...

We have to fly there, and...

Okay, Annie, I know

you are afraid of flying,

but I want to see Criss Angel,

but I'm scared.

Which I sort of love.

Can you just hold on

for one second?

Oh, sure, sure, sure. I...

Thanks. Hold on.

God damn it.

Hello?

Hey, Annie, it's Megan.

Hey.

I just had some thoughts

about the bachelorette party.

Okay, here we go.

Easy-peasy. Vegas it is.

Helen called you,

didn't she?

Yeah, she got the jump on you.

I want balls in my face.

Honestly, I think it's Vegas.

I love puppets.

Balls.

I guess we are undecided.

I feel so bad Annie's

stuck back in coach.

I know, I offered

to pay for her

so she could sit

in first class,

but she said no.

She's too proud.

It was nice of you to offer.

No carry-on, huh?

No.

Yeah, I noticed.

I noticed you

didn't put anything

in the overhead bin either.

And I get it.

I get it. I want you to know,

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