Bridesmaids Page #9

Oh. Hi.

I'm looking for a birthday

gift for my best friend.

Oh.

I want to get her

a necklace that says,

"Best Friends Forever."

You sure you want

it to say "Forever"?

Yeah, why?

Come on. "Forever"?

Forever.

I don't think you guys

will be best friends forever.

No offense.

But you know...

The friends you have

when you are

younger sometimes...

Sometimes you grow apart

when you get older.

Maybe she'll find

a new best friend.

And maybe she

will be more

successful than you are

and prettier and

richer and skinnier

and they end up doing

everything together.

You are weird.

I'm not weird. Okay?

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not,

and you started it.

No, you started it.

Did you forget

to take your Xanax

this morning?

God, I feel bad

for your parents.

I feel bad for your face.

Okay, well,

call me when

your b*obs come in.

You call me

when yours come in.

What, do you have

four boyfriends?

Exactly.

Yeah, okay, have fun

having a baby at your prom.

You look like an old mop.

You know what?

You're not as popular

as you think you are.

I am very popular.

I'm sure you are.

Very popular.

Well, you're an old,

single loser

who is never going

to have any friends.

You're a little c*nt.

I'm sorry.

Let me tell my mom, okay.

I already told her.

Was she mad?

Hi, Annie,

it's Rhodes again.

Since you're not

returning any of my calls,

I assume that

you're not interested

in spending any

more time with me,

which is fine.

So don't worry,

I won't be bothering

you ever again.

Get those taillights fixed.

We'd like to invite you

to no longer live

with us any more.

What? What do you mean?

I don't get it.

The thing is,

we decided that it was

actually a bit immature

for a grown-up

brother and sister to

still be living

together with a roommate.

At our age, it's a bit

ridiculous, isn't it?

Yeah.

We look a bit silly,

don't we?

Pathetic.

So we are actually

going to live together alone.

Without you.

You're moving out.

She's not moving.

She will move.

Eventually.

Eventually.

She has to.

She is taking it in.

You have to leave.

Oh! That's prickly.

Hi.

Hi.

Remember when you

thought I hit bottom?

That wasn't bottom.

Come here.

We're gonna have fun.

I, for one,

am really glad you're here.

And guess what?

Good timing.

You know what

just came in today

on the Netflix?

Cast Away. Tom Hanks.

It's like Forrest Gump,

but on an island.

Honey, you are gonna love it.

My God.

This is her driveway?

Who is that man?

Are you a guest of

Helen Harris III?

Yes. Technically. I guess.

An attendant will

meet you at the stables.

Where?

The shower is over

the second bridge.

Pink lemonade?

Thank you.

I don't have a cup holder.

Can I just give that...

Pink lemonade.

Nice. Nice touch.

Sh*t.

God damn it, that's good.

Mmm.

Sh*t, that is fresh.

This is the most

beautiful shower

I have ever been to.

Yes, and Helen

is giving out the

cutest party favors.

I know,

I love their pink berets.

Would you like

some champagne?

Yes.

It's French.

Annie. Hey.

Hi.

How are you doing?

You're here.

Yeah, I'm here.

I was invited. Sorry.

Of course you were invited.

I just meant you have arrived.

No, I was just joking.

Okay.

Can you believe this?

Isn't it amazing?

Yep.

Yeah. it's nice.

Yeah. Pretty.

Are we okay?

Yes, I'm sorry

I haven't called.

I just didn't want

to bug you, but...

Forgive me.

It just got crazy.

There has been lots

of organizing, and...

I have so much to tell you.

I have to say hi to my aunt

or she will get mad at my mom.

No, you gotta go do

your party rounds.

Yeah.

I'll see you in a minute.

Yeah. Okay.

Oh! Rita,

you got all our towels.

Yes, I did.

Because I love you, Kitten.

All right,

let's see what's next.

Another one,

another one, another one.

I know who this is from.

I can tell by the wrapping.

Is that you?

Annie, you made this.

Look.

- Oh, man.

- Oh, my gosh.

It's us, Annie.

- Oh, my God.

- Let me see.

Oh, my God.

This is all my

favorite stuff from all the

stores I love in Milwaukee.

Annie!

This is so unbelievable.

Wilson Phillips.

Man, I love Wilson Phillips.

We listened to Hold On

probably 10,000 times

when I got my

driver's license.

This is such an amazing gift.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I feel really bad, Lil,

I didn't get a chance

to actually get you a present

because I have been so busy

organizing the shower.

Helen, please.

It's more than enough.

Here is a card to

say congratulations.

Thank you.

Gosh, you have

really outdone yourself.

Oh, my God, Helen.

Honey, what is it?

Helen's taking me

to Paris.

Your face!

I got you. I fooled you.

Look at your face.

It's just a little

pre-wedding vacation.

And while we're there,

we're gonna meet

the designer of her dress

and have a fitting.

You are

taking me to Paris?

Oh, my God! This is

the best present ever!

Thank you so much.

A Paris!

Oh, my God.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

Annie!

No, Mom.

Motherfucking Paris?

Annie,

what are you doing?

I told you about Paris, Helen.

I told you about

this whole idea!

- Annie, calm down.

- No, Lillian!

What, you're gonna

go to Paris with Helen now?

What, you guys are

gonna ride around

on bikes

with berets and

f***ing baguettes

in the basket of

the front of your bikes?

How romantic!

What woman

gives another woman

a trip to Paris?

Am I right? Lesbian.

We're all thinking it,

aren't we?

I'm not.

Okay? Yes, we're all

thinking it, right?

I was.

Annie...

Lillian, this is not

the "you" that I know.

The "you" that I

know would have

walked in here

and rolled your eyes

and thought

this was completely

over-the-top,

ridiculous and stupid.

Look at this shower!

Look at that f***ing cookie!

Did you really think

that this group of women

was going to

finish that cookie?

Really? You know what?

That reminds me, actually.

I never got a chance

to try that f***ing cookie!

Stupid f***ing cookie!

Delicious! Stupid cookie.

I think I'll...

Maybe it's better if I

dip it in the chocolate.

is this what

you want, Lillian?

This is so awesome.

All right,

let's have some nice,

hot, unsanitary chocolate!

Ahh! It's hot!

Jesus! God!

Christ, Annie.

Have you lost

your f***ing mind?

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

You wouldn't know,

would you?

Where have you been?

You would have no idea.

Let me fill you in, okay?

Ever since you got engaged,

everything has turned to sh*t!

You know what?

This is supposed

to be about my time!

You have managed

to ruin every event

in my wedding.

Thank you very much.

Okay, well,

thank you very much.

It's all her fault.

It is not mine!

And you would know that,

if you got your

beautiful haired head

out of your a**hole.

In fact, out of her a**hole,

which I'm sure is

perfectly bleached.

You know what? It is!

And you know how I know?

Because I went to

the f***ing salon with her

and I got my

a**hole bleached, too!

And I love my new a**hole!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes