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Bro, What Happened? Page #7
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2014
- 86 min
- 58 Views
All right, I respect you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Polly?
- What are you doing?
- Yeah?
No, no, no.
Can you come in here?
- Oh, f***.
- Yeah.
Hey...
everybody.
What is this, some kind
Phil here...
partied hard last night
and he's wondering
if he partied hard
inside of you.
Phil?
Polly, I'm sorry, okay.
I just... I wanted to know
what happened.
Well, first off,
Bob, your dog Molly is dead.
I'm really sorry.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God.
I got to tell you, I mean,
Cancer of her ovaries.
Oh.
I didn't even know
dog had ovaries.
Me neither.
So I'm glad
she went peacefully.
Well, here's what happened.
We were all standing
around the beer pong table
in the living room
and my ex Dave
just showed up...
Whoa!
Why, why would you
mess with a girl?
Polly.
Polly, you broke my heart.
We need to talk.
Back off, Clown.
They're with me.
This is between me and her.
Oh, yeah?
Is everyone okay up there?
Yeah, but you shot a dog.
Oh, my God.
I love dogs.
Oh, f***.
Bro, dude, you really whacked
the sh*t out of that guy.
Oh, dude, I didn't mean to.
Can you do me a favor, man?
Take him back to the dorm
and make sure
he finds his pants.
Yeah, absolutely.
Hey, Glenn.
Yeah.
He smells amazing, doesn't he?
Yeah, his face
smells like crayons.
You okay, bro?
Yeah, I'm okay, Hensen, thanks.
Hey, could you
do me a favor, man,
and make sure they actually
get him back to the dorms?
By the way, I want
to introduce you to Rachel.
She is my...
I'm his new girlfriend.
Oh.
She's a contortionist.
I'm a contortionist.
You want to see me
do the puzzle?
I do.
I do, I do.
Oh, are you okay?
Oh, I just feel...
I feel a little, oh.
Oh. Oh, my gosh.
Okay, come with me.
I'm gonna
take care of you, okay?
Thanks.
Why is it going straight
to voicemail, Phil?
Call me back now.
Look, Dave is an okay guy.
He's just a little confused.
Yeah.
I think we all are.
Yeah, I think you're right.
I'm so...
I'm sorry.
No. It's okay.
It's just, you know,
I thought you got a girlfriend.
Oh God, Beth.
I'm just...
I proposed to her
and she's coming here tomorrow.
So why aren't you sure?
It seems like
it's the only thing
that's really gonna
make her happy.
Does it make you happy?
I don't think it does.
You know, you should
never settle in your life, Phil.
Oh, God.
Look, if you ever want
to talk about anything,
you know...
Oh!
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
You done?
I think so.
Oh God, I'm devastated.
Oh, God.
Why, because you farted
in front of me?
Hey, look, look, ready?
See?
I did it, too, it's no biggie.
Oh, okay, mister.
It's time to get you
cleaned up and into bed.
Oh, you are not in good shape.
Okay.
Up, up, up.
All right.
Oh, God.
Bro.
Come on.
Okay, yep.
Oh, God.
All right.
All right.
Oh. Phil.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
You know what?
Why don't we just do it
under the covers instead?
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
Kind of gross.
Okay.
Um, listen, I'm gonna be
right back, just stay here.
Okay?
All right.
Philip, you're supposed
to be worshiping me.
I'm supposed to be your god.
The only above me is Jesus.
You need to call your
future wife back right now.
What the f***
is wrong with you?
Hey.
Hey.
I've got a shirt, pants
and underwear
with vomit on them.
You want to help me out?
You're gonna wash them?
Yeah.
I don't know
where the laundry room is.
You're in it.
Oh, f***.
I thought that was a robot.
Doesn't it look like a robot?
A little bit.
All right.
Well, cool.
I'm about to do
Thank you.
Now if you don't mind,
I'm gonna go to Jupiter.
Oh, what the f***, man.
It's like f***ing skunk sh*t.
All right, look,
I'll see you later.
Oh, I don't know why
that's funny.
What the f*** is this, man?
This is f***ing crack.
F***! I'm gonna be
f***ing paranoid.
Hi.
Hi.
Listen, your clothes
are in the wash, all right?
They'll be ready
in the morning.
Thank you.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna lay down next to you,
so you don't choke
on your own vomit
in the middle of the night.
Why are you...
You think I'm gonna let you blow
chunks on my clothes, too?
But, listen, no funny business.
If you try anything,
square in the nuts
and then I'm not gonna be
your friend anymore.
Okay?
Can you move?
Okay.
Hey, could you
turn off the light?
That's pretty much
what happened.
See, dude, I told you.
I knew I did not have sex.
Okay, you don't have to sound
Well, he was just concerned
that he'd get
a case of the crotch rot
because, you know.
Because of what?
Oh, you know
what the kids call it today,
you know, a trollop.
You know, a hussy.
You're a slut.
You know,
all the guys on this campus
just love to talk about
how much sex you've all had.
Guilty, guilty for sure.
Indeed.
Wait, so, Polly,
do you mean that...
No.
Not that it's any of
your goddamn business,
but no I haven't had sex
with anyone on this campus.
I went off to a band camp
but this girl liked him.
that I was a big old slut.
Polly is the cleanest chick
on campus,
spick and span.
You can eat off her vagina.
Thank you, Bob.
Polly, I'm sorry.
Um...
listen, I...
Oh, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
I need to ask you if,
I don't know,
maybe we can start over.
Oh-ew!
Oh.
I've been looking
all over for you.
Beth. You?
You?
Polly f***ing Wallace.
B*tch-breath
backdoor Beth.
Oh, wait a second.
You two know each other?
I cannot believe, Phil,
that your girlfriend
is backdoor Beth.
Phil, she just doesn't want us
to be here, let's go.
This is the b*tch
from band camp.
We all called her
backdoor Beth.
You want to know why?
Why?
She didn't even wait
for orientation to end
before her backend
was open for business.
No, I said in my butt only.
What's up?
Oh, yeah, keep going.
Oh, it's my first time
in the butt with a black guy.
It's great.
Excuse me, hold on.
Do you need something?
Hurry up, bro.
Polly, what the f***.
You never knock,
you dumb b*tch.
No.
Get the f*** out.
What's wrong with you?
I said leave.
So were you like
born with a penis?
No, it's just
a really big clit.
You get the f*** out!
Was crazy.
That summer she had
more dongs in her ass
than a Chinese phonebook.
Oh.
Oh, damn.
It was just one summer
and technically
I'm still a virgin.
engines just for you.
I call foul there.
Shut up, Cal!
Nobody asked you.
Beth, we were together
when you left for band camp.
Let's, um,
let's just get out of here
and go talk about of it,
shall we?
I don't care how many guys
you've had in your butt.
You don't?
You don't?
He may not,
but Jesus does, Beth.
No, I don't,
because I've realized
something.
I know what I want now.
And it's not you.
What?
If I were to stay with you,
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"Bro, What Happened?" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bro,_what_happened_4711>.
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