Bro, What Happened? Page #8

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then I'd just be settling

and I don't want to settle.

But, Phil...

No, Beth, I'm sorry but no.

But look,

no hard feelings, okay?

Let's try

and stay friends, okay?

And actually I know

how much you love sweets,

so I got you

some special chocolates.

Do you have those special

chocolates I got for Beth?

Yeah, yeah, they're right here.

You know how much

you like sweets, babe.

And I had these special

chocolates imported just for you.

So why don't you

just head back home

and we'll just talk

when we talk.

Okay?

Um, well...

Wow, these are great, thanks.

And this will...

this will all blow over.

And I'll pray for us.

Okay?

Bye.

Good-bye, Beth.

Peace be with you, Beth.

Enjoy the wafers.

Bye, Beth.

Oh, dude, that was

so instant revenge. Oh, my God.

She better not get ass

cancer from those candies, bro.

Dude, no.

It was petty, it was mean,

it was stupid and it felt

really f***ing good. Yes!

I mean this doesn't

answer about Phil's nuts.

What about them?

Well, I mean, if he didn't

the hoochie coochie from you

then why has he been scratching

like there's no tomorrow?

Last night

after we went to bed,

we heard gunshots

and then Mr. Tom and Cherry

came running up

into the room

and you told Mr. Tom

that you guys were BFF for life

and started talking

to him about baseball.

And then he asked you

if you wanted

a baseball tattoo on your pubes

and you were like,

"F***, yeah. "

So you have a new tattoo.

It's actually

pretty f***ing cool.

Well, this is getting

a little weird.

Come on, Georgia.

Meester, let's go talk

about our friendship.

I've never

had a gay friend before.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know

if you've official met Georgia.

She's my...

I'm his girlfriend.

Girlfriend.

Oh, nice Adam's apple.

All right, ass clowns,

I'm out of here.

Jamie, wait.

I just want to talk to you

for a second.

I feel like a douche

because last night in the party

I told everybody

that I loved you.

And I know now

that what I should've done

is taken you aside like this

and told you that

you're the first girl

I've ever really liked.

And ever since I first saw you,

I haven't been able

to stop thinking about you.

And I know

that you would never feel

that way about some...

about somebody like me.

Well, first of all,

don't tell me how I feel.

And second, why don't you

take me out to breakfast

so we can talk about it?

Yes.

Thank you again for taking

such good care of me last night.

Hey, it's okay.

I actually kind of liked it.

I really took to heart

what you said

about not settling.

I don't want to settle.

I want to find someone

who loves me for me,

someone who respects me,

someone...

someone who doesn't

tell me what to do,

asks me what to do.

We all do, Phil.

Oh, oh.

Wow.

I think that might have been the

greatest kiss of my entire life.

Me too.

Oh.

There you go, man.

Coffee and duds.

Perfect.

That's my finger.

All right.

Sorry.

I need it.

Well, well, Phil, now

that we've kissed,

I think it's time

for you to meet my dad.

Oh, whoa.

Let's slow down

there right, man?

Phil,

I would like you

to meet my father, Bob.

Hey, little guy.

Her nickname is f***ing.

Polly f***ing Wallace, bro.

As in mother f***ing Bob.

His name's

probably not Mr. Tom.

It's probably Keyser Soze.

It's just a college party.

MF Bob, just...

it's like a campus legend.

Let me be the first

then to officially welcome

you to the campus.

You want some bacon?

Polly, I'm talking

about a campus legend.

Oh, I'm going

to MF Bob's house tonight.

I love bacon.

Bob?

Bob is your dad?

And this is your house?

Yes.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry about your mug, sir.

We are family.

He's a good one, daddy.

Oh, I see that, babe.

Hey, Bob.

Uh...

Cherry has something

she wants to say to you, man.

Hey, I'm really sorry

I shot your dog.

I got this little guy

from the shelter this morning.

He's so cute.

I know.

I'm so sorry.

I love dogs so much.

It's all right.

I know you killed my dog,

but she was going to be

put down today anyway.

I wasn't going to shoot her.

I would've had her put down

professionally with a needle.

But, hey,

you saved me in the trouble.

Really?

Yeah.

So what now?

What do we do now,

is we just see

if this little puppy

likes bacon.

Who doesn't like bacon?

Crazy boys, such crazy boys

Crazy boys, so crazy boys

Crazy boys, such crazy boys

Crazy boys

Such crazy boys, crazy boys

So crazy boys, so crazy

Such crazy

I said,

"stop, leave me alone"

"Cause I ain't got time

to put up with the tone

Too busy dreaming

I'm the best

So sorry, Mr. West,

but my video would have won

If it only did exist

Boy, boy you're crazy

Girl, girl, I know

I keep battling your demon

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

All right.

Wait, no, no.

Tell me, what is it?

Well, there's

something in here.

Oh, my God,

this is Meester's camera.

No, it isn't.

Yes.

Oh, my God, put it on.

All right, all right, yes.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

So Georgia, you just

cut the aorta right here

and there his heart.

Yeah!

You see it.

I'm kidding, I'm not actually

gonna eat your heart.

I'll put it back.

I'll put it back.

Don't you worry.

Oh!

I just made another mistake,

I'm really sorry.

You see, I told you

if you drain it fast,

you will pack up.

Yeah.

Cheers, boys.

Now do yours.

Georgia!

Georgia!

Come here.

Dog is so cute.

Is everyone okay up there?

Hey.

Is that Kevin Smith?

Got me.

I don't know.

Good party though.

Great party.

You know the problem is,

Bob's gonna be pissed,

because Cherry messed up

his whole house.

Really?

Yeah.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Let's get on.

Hey, are you filming us?

Oh. Yeah.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Now!

Now!

Hey, give me the money.

Give me the money.

Give me the money.

Give me the money.

Give me the money. Oh!

All right, do it, do it,

do it, do it, do it, do it.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Oh, my God.

Phil here

partied hard last night.

You know how we all party.

He partied hard.

And he's wondering

if he partied

hard inside of you.

God, I mean,

am I ever gonna figure out

how I got this freaking

wooden arrow in my neck?

Wait, wait, wait.

Well, how do I know?

Like when they stand up

they look like the letter ten...

Well, letter ten.

- Number ten.

- Quiet.

Now what the f***

is the noise about?

Oh!

Goddamn it, why is there noise?

I'm not really that bad.

That's a baby pig,

Oh. Oh.

That makes me sad.

No, man, because,

it's like a little pig and...

Take two.

He's making me laugh.

I thought you were

at the Britney Spear's concert.

How the f***

did you get out of there?

I was supposed to take her

to the vet this morning

to put her down.

Now you don't have to.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I was about...

I guess it saved me the trip.

She had...

she had sickle cell anemia.

Ooh.

Yeah, it's weird.

That's rough.

She was a black lab.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Mexican Jonah Hill

and the guy

that looks like the dude

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