Broken Hearts Club Page #15

Well, the whole "Hustler" oeuvre isn't|exactly helping my cause right now.

Oh, my God. It's embarrassing|to even be seen in here.

- Did you bring the stash?|- You owe me so big for this, hag.

You know my issues|with buying porno.

Hurry up!

- Hey, sorry I'm late.|- Oh, no, it's cool.

Crank it.

Call it crazy,|but I have this theory.

Bear with me.

I believe that there|are gay numbers.

- Gay numbers?|- Yeah.

Have you ever given thought|to the number 38?

I've seen this sort|of thing before, Detective.

The victim in the Miranda case|was done the exact same way.

Cut. That was perfect.|Print.

I was so glad|that Sharon set us up.

She mentioned you at her last cleaning,|but she said you were involved.

- I used to be.|- Well, I know how that goes.

I was in this long-term relationship|with this guy once for five months.

Five months and he broke up with me.|He broke up with me.

He said I talk too much. Is that not|the most ridiculous thing you've heard?

'Cause I'm all about listening.

I know what you're thinking.|Why would a gay man wanna be a gyno?

I mean, most gay men can't even say|the word "vagina"...

let alone stare at them|all day long.

But it never really bothered me.|I mean, it's just a word, right?

Vagina, vagina, vagina.

It's just a word, right?

I'll tell you the word|that sort of does get me, though.

Clitoris.

Why am I shaking?

It's your first gay club.|You should be nervous.

If anybody attacks you,|just tell them you're with me.

Nice to see you again. Things are|better with the breakup, I take it?

- Breakup?|- With Paul?

Paul who?

It's phase six.

It's denial.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

I've been looking|for you guys all night.

- You want a drink?|- No. I have water here somewhere.

- Where's Idaho Guy?|- Where's this new boyfriend of yours?

Dance floor.

You guys, everybody's here.|Come on. Come and dance.

Fly, young one.|Fly like the wind.

Come on. Dance with your mama.

- So what do you think? Ecstasy?|- I don't know. Probably K.

Should we talk to him?

They said,|finishing their fourth shot.

We've all messed around with stuff|and you know it.

He's just having a good time.|Let's go dance.

Dance? We're here|to attract men, remember?

Speak for yourself.|This body wants to groove.

Come on.

Howie? Howie Mixner?

Barry.|We had dinner a few weeks ago?

I got one.

Who would you kick out of bed?|Morley Safer or Mike Wallace?

Okay, I believe this requires|a daiquiri break.

- I'd say Safer.|- Safer all the way.

But I would kick them both out of bed|for Ed Bradley circa 1 980.

I'd kick Wallace.|He always annoyed me.

Who's got the 30?

- What are you doing outside?|- I'm getting base.

It's July 4.|You don't have a base yet?

Have you heard|from the movie star yet?

He only called once all month.|I missed it.

He's too busy getting shtupped|by Kip Rogers.

When will you guys get over|the fact that just because...

every gay man in America|wants Kip Rogers to be gay...

that doesn't mean|he is gay.

You know what?|I should get going.

- You're not staying for the party?|- I gotta make an appearance...

at my parent's barbecue.

- Have fun.|- Bye.

- I've got another one.|- Who would you kick out of bed?

The Grimace|or the Hamburglar?

- Oh, my God.|- What?

- That's a good one.|- Homo say what?

Homo say bad party lighting.

Get out.

- Did you lock the door?|- I don't remember.

Sh*t. One second!

Yeah?

- You're going to shoot in five.|- Terrific.

- All right. Cappuccino?|- No, no. No, thank you.

- I'll see you out there.|- Okay. All right.

- That was close.|- A little too close.

I have to cancel tonight.

My publicist wants me to do|this "Access Hollywood" interview.

Today's my last day of shooting.|I leave tomorrow.

- What would you like me to do?|- Cancel it.

- Tell them you can't do it.|- With what excuse?

"Sorry. I have dinner plans with|the pretty boy extra I'm sleeping with."

- I'm not an extra.|- That's not what I meant.

They have me shooting here|for four weeks.

My part is integral to the plot.|I have seven lines of dialogue.

- I'm not a f***ing extra.|- Okay, okay.

I'm sorry|I called you an extra.

I'll make it up to you.|I'll fly into L.A. this weekend.

We'll go somewhere discreet|for dinner.

- All right?|- Okay.

Good.

Wait about ten minutes. Make sure|no one sees you before you leave.

Hey, having fun? Good.

Hey, there you are.

How you doing?

Everything all right?

What happened?

You told your parents.

Just kind of slipped out.

The three of us were in the kitchen,|helping them with dessert...

and my mom mentioned|that she'd made key lime pie.

I said, "That's great.|I love key lime pie, and I'm gay."

I bet she wishes|she'd made apple pie.

They were great, Dennis.

And then I started thinking,|why was I so scared to tell them?

Why was I so scared|to tell everyone?

- If I hadn't met you--|- Oh, I didn't do anything.

Morning.

We're gonna be late|for the game.

Once more unto the breach,|dear lads! Once more!

It's the height of irony, really.

Here we are, bottom of the ninth.|Three men on. Two outs.

Our least able player|stepping up to bat.

We're either one hit away|from our first victory ever...

or three strikes away from going down|as the worst softball team in history.

If we could just get him|to hit it to left field.

The sad thing is,|he catches so much better than I do.

Come on, Taylor.|You can do it. Come on.

Attaboy!

Sweet are the uses|of adversity.

"Sweet are the uses|of adversity...

which, like the toad,|ugly and venomous...

wears yet a precious jewel|in his head.

And this is our life...

exempt from public haunt...

finds tongues and trees...

books in running brooks...

sermons in stones...

and good in everything."

Jack was a Shakespeare fan.

That passage from "As You Like It"|was his favorite.

He would've wanted me|to share it with you today.

Other than that,|I'm not good with words.

That was Jack.

I'll just play something.

Hopefully, wherever Jack is...

he'll sing along.

That's what Jack saw in him.

- So where's Brian?|- Getting the car.

You look terrific.

You don't have to say anything just|because I'm standing in front of you.

I'm not just saying.

Thank you.

I quit smoking pot.

It's not 'cause we're not dating.|No, it's not because of Brian. I just--

It was just time.

It's weird how you can need something|for so long and then just...

not need it anymore.

Just like that.

It's so weird, you know.|It's like he's still here.

You're on something right now,|aren't you?

- Excuse me?|- You show up late. You look like sh*t.

- What did that boyfriend give you?|- He didn't give me anything.

I look like sh*t because I've|been crying for the last two days.

Unlike you, who has yet to shed a tear,|you f***ing a**hole.

- He wants to make sure you're okay.|- We all do.

That's crap. Since I've have a boyfriend|none of you guys even call.

- You stopped calling us.|- That is such bullshit.

Admit that you don't talk to me because|I'm in a relationship and you're not.

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