Bruno Page #6

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And they'll say, "If Brno can do it,

then I can do it.

"How did he change?

How did you change, Brno?"

And they'll say, "It's Jesus. He changed me."

But he wants to come into

your heart right now.

Are you ready to make that change?

Are you hitting on me?

No, I'm not.

Okay, good, 'cause I just...

That was, like, really hot, that whole speech.

Are there any outdoor activities

that I should do

if I want to become straight?

Absolutely.

-Hi.

-Hello.

-Mike. Brno.

-Brno.

Hey. Great.

-I'm Donny.

-Brno.

Robert.

-You ever been hunting?

-I've never killed an animal.

Although, I did once

suffocate a hamster in Mykonos.

The women, eh? Do you prefer the vagina

or the mammary glands?

-I prefer the vagina.

-Me, too.

I love a woman with a vagina.

Yeah.

My favourite.

Didn't see anything.

We were just talking about vaginas.

About what?

Vaginas. The woman's vagina.

Sharing stories

and saying how much we enjoy them.

Yes.

Really fantastisch.

Really wonderful things.

It's my favourite.

This is wonderful.

This is what rabbit look like.

Look at the 4 of us.

We are so like the Sex and the City girls.

No, we aren't, either.

Which one are you, Donny?

I ain't any one of them. I'm Donny.

That is such a Samantha thing to say.

I've never been

out of the city before.

You haven't? How's it feel?

I feel a bit vulnerable.

You know, I'm 19 years old,

I've got a perfect body.

You know, I really don't want to wake up

tomorrow morning und find

that I'm torn in my Arschenholer.

You probably ain't the only one.

Me, either, definitely.

There's so many stars in the sky.

Full of them.

Makes you think of

all the hot guys in the world.

Do we all share one tent

or what's more sensible?

I hope not.

All right, God damn it.

Reverend BJ found me

too much of a handful

and put me in touch with one of his chums.

You look decent in that.

Look like a straight guy, how's that?

Women are good for us.

They're good even though

they appear to us

to be terribly conventional.

And we find that somewhat irritating

that they complain so much.

-Right.

-But we need that.

We need many of the things

that, at first glance,

are annoying and irritating.

And women often don't stick to the point.

They're often talking about one thing

and then another and then another,

and they never get back to the first point

maybe ever.

I am repulsed by the idea

of making the sex with a woman.

The important thing is to be around women,

somewhat, that you find tolerable

or interesting

and give them a chance to seduce you.

How did you get into it?

We, actually, our first time was on our...

-Our honeymoon.

-Yeah.

Of all nights for us to swing,

the first time was for our honeymoon.

Und what is your favourite position?

That would be missionary or reverse cowgirl.

What's reverse cowgirl?

Show me. I'll pretend to be the woman.

Like, I'm sitting here, and...

Yeah, and so, if I'm the woman...

Don't worry. Yeah, so what?

You'd be sitting like that,

-and that's called reverse cowgirl.

-Right. Right.

And then when you're facing me,

that's called cowgirl.

This one here is cowgirl or reverse cowgirl?

This is cowgirl.

And then when you're turned

the opposite way, it's reverse cowgirl.

Und what other positions are there?

-Power driver.

-Right.

But this is the girl's position.

You don't want to be like this

if you're a guy.

There's missionary, doggy style.

So what's doggy style like?

You'd be bent over, like a dog does it.

Yeah. Like that?

All right, and then

what would you be doing?

If you was a woman,

I would be humping you.

-No, show me.

-I'm not gonna show you.

-You're a man.

-Don't be a f*ggot.

Come on. What's the big deal?

It's just a couple of guys.

I'd be humping you like that.

I can't wait to do this to a woman.

Anybody want a sandwich or something?

Yeah. Great.

Very good. You've got great hair actually.

-Thank you.

-Yeah.

That was great.

-Oh, yeah.

-Good boy.

F***, yeah.

You're doing a great job.

Thank you.

Come on, Jack, look me in the eyes.

Look me in the eye. You can do this.

Dude.

Why would he look you in the eyes

when he's looking at a p*ssy?

-Why would he look you in the eyes?

-No, no. Just for concentration.

-He does not look in a guy's...

-I don't need you for concentration, okay?

-Look her in the eye.

-This is a f***ing swingers party. Okay?

If you don't want p*ssy,

if you don't want f***ing...

-No, I want...

-Then quit f***ing touching me

and quit telling me

to look at you in the eye. Okay?

I didn't come here

for no f***ing queer sh*t. Okay?

-Me, neither.

-Okay.

-Let's keep it at that then.

-Cool.

This is a f***ing swingers party.

Right, guys?

I see what the f*** you're doing, dude.

-Hi.

-Did he not try to pull

-that queer sh*t on you out there?

-Hi. How you doing?

I don't need this motherf***er

touching me on the back,

telling me to look him

in the f***ing eye. Right?

-I was just going to the kitchen.

-I know, yeah. Come on.

What's this sh*t? Let's take this off.

Let's maybe we get

to know each other a little.

-I think you broke that, actually.

-I don't give a f***.

Yeah, there is...

Let's get to know each other a little bit first.

Know each other? What?

You must produce a lot of milk.

I don't want you to do something

that you'll regret.

You wake up tomorrow, you've lost

your virginity, and you feel ashamed.

You know, let's take this a little slower.

-We should reschedule.

-Sit the f*** down.

Sit the f*** down. Don't f*** around!

No, let's do this the right way.

I go, and I sit down with your father,

we talk about this.

-If he gives his permission...

-What?

Would you quit being a little b*tch here

and take your little briefs off

before I f***ing rip them?

Wait. Yes.

-Yeah.

-Fine.

-Thanks.

-Okay. Great.

I don't like this little sh*t.

Yes, well, I want to really make

this heterosexual sex.

It's going to be fantastisch!

Do as I say. Take that f***ing sh*t off now!

-Don't... You fold them.

-F***.

You gotta fold that neatly.

You don't treat suede like that. It stains.

Sit the f*** down. Take it off!

I've got an idea.

Let's play a little bit of dress-up here.

It will be erotisch.

What is this?

You gonna dress me like a man?

No, it's just a beard.

-Am I supposed to wear a beard?

-It's just a...

Come on, it will be fun.

I don't need a beard.

Take it off! Now!

Once you put the...

-F***! Take it off.

-Okay. I'm...

-Okay, I'm going to do this.

-Right now!

Get on your f***ing knees

and suck my spike here, b*tch.

Okay. Help!

Don't f*** around!

Don't call me gay!

I'm gonna become straight.

I'm gonna become ber straight.

I'm gonna be the straightest man

who's ever lived.

Und then I'll be famous.

You'll see. You'll see.

What's up, Arkansas?

How's everybody doing?

You guys ready to see

a little ass kicking tonight?

Make some noise, everybody.

Put your hands together. Make some noise

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