Buddymoon Page #5

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-YEAH?

-NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,

NO, NO, NOT NOW.

-YES. YES.

-HOW 'BOUT A LITTLE LATER?

-SPEECH, SPEECH.

-NO, DON'T START.

- DON'T START.

- SPEECH. SPEECH.

- GUYS, NO! IT'S STUPID.

- SPEECH. SPEECH...

YES! HEY!

"HELLO EVERYONE.

WHAT A WONDERFUL LOCATION

FOR A WEDDING LIKE THIS--

THIS GREAT GOLF COURSE

WE'RE ON TONIGHT.

YOU GUYS:

ARE ALL SUCH SEXY

'MOTHERPUTTERS.'

FOUR!"

OKAY.

"DAVID, FRANKIE--

DAVID, LADIES, GENTLEMEN,

AND ALL THE ATTENDERS

OF THIS GREAT EVENT,

HELLO TO YOU:

AND THANK YOU FOR

YOUR PRESENCE:

AND ALSO,

YOUR PRESENTS.

OH, LOOK AT THAT ONE

WITH THE NICE STRIPES AND BOWS.

OH, WHAT IS IT?

PERHAPS A CROCK POT?

OR A LAWN MOWER?

A QUESTION FOR YOU.

WHO IS A LUCKY PERSON?

IS IT A SMALL BABY CHILD

WHO IS BORN:

AND CAN IMMEDIATELY

TOOT HORNS:

LIKE A JAZZ EXPERT?

YES, THIS IS A LUCKY BABY.

OR WHAT IF A MAN

WHO CANNOT SPEAK WITH WORDS

BUT ONLY WITH LOUD SCREAMS

OF AGONIZING TERROR?

NO, HE'S ACTUALLY

NOT LUCKY.

BUT NOW,

LET US SEE:

WHO IS THE MOST LUCKY PERSON

IN ALL THE WORLD.

MY FINGER SHALL TELL YOU.

IT IS ME.

BECAUSE I HAVE THE BEST FRIEND

IN ALL OF THE WORLD.

DAVID.

-AW.

-SOME YEARS AGO,

MY LIFE AS A DEEJAY

WAS, AS YOU SAY,

A COMPLETE:

AND 'BUTTER' FAILURE.

EVERYONE IN MY TOWN

WAS HATING AT MY SOUND,

BUT THEN ONE NIGH EVERYTHING CHANGED.

WHEN AN AMERICAN MAN

MADE A STOP IN THE BAR.

HE WAS ON A:

'SOUL SEARCH' TRIP

HE DID SAY.

WE TALKED FOR MANY HOURS

AND HAD MANY,

MANY SCHNAPPSES:

SPEAKING OF OUR:

FRUSTRATIONS IN LIFE.

WE DID HUG AND DANCE

AND, YES,

CRY SOME LONG AND HARD TEARS

LIKE TWO PIRATES

SEARCHING FOR BOOTY

FOR MANY YEARS:

BUT FINDING ONLY DIR AND SOME COCONUTS.

IN THE MORNING:

BEFORE DAVID DID LEAVE,

HE TOLD ME,

'FLULA, ANYTIME YOU ARE

IN LOS ANGELES, LOOK ME UP.'

AND SO THE NEXT DAY,

I PURCHASED A TICKE -AND FLEW

TO LOS ANGELES."

-YEP.

"DAVID WAS NOT YET HOME

FROM HIS SOUL SEARCH TRIP,

SO I DID SLEEP ON HIS PORCH

FOR 16 DAYS.

WHEN HE ARRIVED HOME,

HE CALLED THE POLICE

AND DID PRETEND:

NOT TO REMEMBER ME."

WHICH WAS VERY FUNNY,

I MUST SAY, DAVID.

REALLY, IT'S THIS ACTING.

WHOA, YOU ARE NAIL IT, RIGHT?

MAN, GREAT WORK.

TALENT.

ANYWAY.

"AFTER THE POLICE LEFT,

OUR FRIENDSHIP SPROUTED

LIKE A FRESH FIELD

OF ASPARAGUS.

EXCEPT UNLIKE ASPARAGUS,

OUR FRIENDSHIP:

DID NOT MAKE OUR URINE

SMELL TERRIBLE."

AND HERE'S--

OH, AND SOME NICE THINGS

ABOUT FRANKIE.

SOME MORE--

NO, IT'S NOT APPLICABLE.

AH, JA.

"DAVID, WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS

FROM WHEN WE WERE BOTH

AT THE BOTTOMS OF LIFE.

AND THIS IS WHEN

FRIENDSHIPS ARE MADE STRONG,

LIKE TWO CHANDELIERS

THAT HAVE FALLEN

INSIDE A VOLCANO.

THE CHANDELIERS MELT,

BUT THEN THEY STICK TOGETHER.

AND THEN:

WHEN THEY COOL DOWN,

THEY ARE HUGGING FOREVER.

NOTHING CAN BREAK THIS NEW

DOUBLE CHANDELIER APART.

EXCEPT IF IT FALLS BACK

INTO THE VOLCANO.

OR SLIPS INTO A GEYSER."

I MEAN, OR IF YOU DROP I FROM A LARGE HEIGHT,

THEN IT--

IT WILL SHATTER.

BUT THEN...

"DAVID, I LOVE YOU

VERY MUCH.

HERE IS TO YOU,

MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER

AND MY HONEYBUDDY.

SO, NOW LET'S HAVE A TOAS FOR DAVID AND FRANKIE"--

NOPE, JUST DAVID,

WE ARE JUST TOASTING FOR DAVID.

CHEERS, GUYS,

THANK YOU.

THAT WAS SO SWEET.

-OH, THANKS.

-THAT REALLY WAS.

AND, UM, I'M JUST SORRY

YOU DIDN'T GET TO SAY I AT MY ACTUAL WEDDING.

-NEXT TIME.

-YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THAT.

YOU SHOULD BE:

A PUBLIC SPEAKER.

-OH, NO.

-PROFESSIONALLY.

-NO, STOP IT.

-YEAH.

DAVID IS THE REAL

MASTER THESPIAN HERE.

-OH...

-WAIT.

IN KNEW:

YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR.

UH-UH.

-YOU'RE A TV STAR,

AREN'T YOU?

-WELL, NOT A TV "STAR."

I'VE-- I'VE DONE

SOME STUFF ON TV.

-NO BIG DEAL.

-NO, YOU'RE, LIKE, FAMOUS.

YOU WERE ON THAT SHOW

"PORTLAND STEEL," RIGHT?

-YEAH.

-YEAH, I WAS ON

"PORTLAND STEEL."

I DID THAT, UH,

PILOT EPISODE.

I WAS-- THE CHARACTER

DIDN'T MAKE IT, BUT...

-YOU SAW THAT?

-OH, MY GOD.

I WAS SO PISSED:

WHEN THEY FIRED YOU.

-WOW.

-I LOVED YOU.

-YOU WERE GREAT.

-THANK YOU.

YEAH.

SO, WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU

BEEN UP TO LATELY?

I MEAN, ANY--

ANYTHING I WOULD'VE SEEN?

UH, WELL,

OKAY, JUST SOME, UM,

LITTLE KIND OF INDY THINGS.

-YEAH.

-DID A COUPLE INDY DRAMAS.

-THAT'S SO COOL.

-SOME GOT A LOT OF BUZZ

ON THE CIRCUIT.

DO NOT BE SO MODEST.

HE'S DONE SO MANY THINGS.

-UH, STOP IT.

-"ZOMBIES VS. MONKEYS,

PART THREE."

-NO ONE SAW THAT MOVIE.

-I'M NOT REALLY INTO SCI-FI, SO.

-THAT WAS JUS FOR A PAYCHECK.

-I'M JUST--

I SWEAR THERE'S

SOMETHING ELSE, THOUGH.

-WHAT?

-NO, THERE'S-- I CAN' -PUT MY FINGER ON IT.

-THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.

-THAT IS EVERYTHING.

-I KNOW THERE'S-- NO.

WELL, THERE'S "LITTLE GENIUS."

THERE'S "LITTLE GENIUS."

- OH, MY GOD!

- WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

IT'S "LITTLE GENIUS."

OH, MY GOD.

YOU ARE LIKE:

A NATIONAL TREASURE.

THAT IS THE--

LIKE, MY FAVORITE SHOW

-WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

-YEAH?

YOU WERE SO CUTE.

YOU USED TO BE LIKE,

"BUT I'M THE REAL BOY." RIGHT?

IT HAD THAT SONG, TOO--

HOW DID THE SONG GO?

- LIKE, LITTLE...

- I KNOW THAT SONG.

-YOU DO?

-YEAH.

-YES, YOU HAVE TO PLAY IT.

-NO-- HEY, NO.

-WE YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.

-OH, MY GOD, THIS IS PERFECT.

PLEASE, CAN WE NOT DO THAT?

IT'S SO GOOD.

HERE'S COMES THE...

WE GOT A:

ALL RIGHT, BIG FINISH.

YEAH, WE GOT A...

-WHAT, HE DOESN'T LIKE IT?

-IT'S A REALLY GOOD SONG.

-IT'S SO GOOD, YEAH.

-IT'S ACTUALLY A

REALLY GOOD SONG.

MAY BE BATHROOM BREAK.

I DON'T KNOW.

HE DOESN'T SHUT UP.

UGH!

"DEAREST FLULA, THANK YOU,

OR, SHOULD I SAY,

DANKE FOR LAST NIGHT.

WOW, WOW.

YOU ARE A MASTER

AT MAKING LOVE.

YOU ARE PROBABLY

BETTER AT MAKING LOVE

THAN MAKING MUSIC.

I WOULD'VE THOUGH THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE,

SINCE YOUR MUSIC

IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD,

BUT, IT IS POSSIBLE.

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.

ALSO, I'M GLAD I CHOSE YOU

INSTEAD OF DAVID.

SINCERELY YOURS,

POLLY."

DAVID"...

..."THIS IS REALLY FLULA.

I DID NOT HAVE ANY

INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH POLLY.

THAT WOULD:

BE INAPPROPRIATE.

ALSO, YOU JUS GOT PUNKED!"

OH, DID I RUIN YOUR SOUNDS?

YOU SAW MY LOVE NOTE.

YEAH, IT WAS REAL FUNNY.

WHAT?

SHE WAS MINE LAST NIGH AND THAT'S WHAT I NEEDED.

AND YOU CAME IN:

AND YOU COCKBLOCKED ME SO HARD.

I TOLD YOU:

I DIDN'T NEED A WINGMAN, OKAY?

YOU DON'T KNOW

WHEN TO SHUT UP.

TALKING ABOU "LITTLE GENIUS"?

SHE LIKED YOU BECAUSE

OF "LITTLE GENIUS."

I BROUGHT THIS UP,

IMMEDIATELY, SHE LIKES YOU.

-THEY WERE SINGING THE SONG--

-ENOUGH WITH "LITTLE GENIUS."

-YOU'RE TELLING ME

ENOUGH OF "LITTLE GENIUS"?

-YEAH.

THAT'S ALL YOU

THINK ABOUT, DAVID.

I'M TRYING

TO BRING YOU HERE TO NATURE,

BUT WHERE ARE YOU?

YOU ARE STUCK INSIDE

YOUR CRANIUM THERE.

I'M HERE

TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER

HERE ON THIS TRIP.

AND ALL YOU DO:

IS YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCHIER

AND YOU'RE A LITTLE MOANER.

WELL, I'VE HAD ENOUGH MOANERS

AND ENOUGH BITCHERS, DAVID.

-SUCK IT UP.

-SORRY I'M DEPRESSED

AFTER MY FIANCE LEFT ME.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO

ALL DAY LONG?

DUDE, YOU HAVE NO FILTER.

DID YOU SEE THE NOTE

THAT FRANKIE LEFT ME YESTERDAY?

IS THAT WHAT THIS JOKE

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