Bulletproof Monk Page #3

'Cause if I remember correctly,

last night you were using them

to try to teach me ultimate enlightenment.

I was translating universal truth

into words you would understand,

but this.

To keep the body pure

one must not kill any living creature.

I didn't kill it. I'm gonna eat it.

And by the way, I got the answer

to your little question from last night.

Yeah?

Yeah. Check this out.

The reason hot dogs

come in packages of 10

and hot dog buns

come in packages of just eight

is that you always need more buns

for your hot dogs.

So no matter how much you get,

how much you win,

or how much you achieve,

you can never ever let yourself feel

like it's enough.

No, but good try.

You know, for a guy I barely know,

you're really starting to annoy me.

Knowing others means you are wise,

but knowing yourself

means you are enlightened.

Enough with all this

fortune-cookie philosophy, okay?

Target in sight.

Hold your position.

This is America.

We don't have enlightenment here.

We have Big Macs, strip clubs,

shopping malls, Las Vegas and HBO!

You got it?

Hey, you! Kar!

(CLEARS THROAT)

Hey.

You don't quite look

like the bad girl you did last night.

My necklace.

Excuse me?

Last night I lost my necklace.

Something tells me you may have an idea

of how I can get it back.

Well, I guess I could keep

my eyes and my ears open.

What's in it for me?

It belonged to my mom.

It's important to me.

I guess I'd owe you one.

Who is your friend?

Him?

He's my personal bodyguard.

Watches my back.

He's an incredibly deadly Shaolin monk.

Ten fingers, ten toes.

Twenty reasons to die.

Shaolin monks

shave their heads every day.

You're no Shaolin monk.

Tibetan Buddhist, maybe?

This young lady is nobody's fool.

(SPEAKING TIBETAN)

(SPEAKING TIBETAN)

(JADE LAUGHING)

Yeah, tell me about it.

You know,

last night was the first time

that I've ever seen anybody

stand up to Funktastic.

Incredibly brave

and incredibly stupid at the same time.

Interesting mix.

I'm sorry. I have to go.

Where you going?

(GRUNTS)

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Over there!

There they are! Come on!

Sorry, man! This is your fight, not mine!

Good luck!

Oh, sh*t!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Come on! Come on!

Thought about it, man!

Couldn't just leave you hanging like that!

Watch out!

(CAR HONKING)

Man down!

Kar, let's go!

This way.

These guys don't give up easy.

They haven't for 60 years.

Hold up!

Inside! Quick!

Come on.

COP:
Where did he go?

COP 2:
I don't know. We had him.

Out the back! They went out the back!

Go, go.

Wow, you're really popular.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Brother Tenzin.

Brother.

Allow me to offer you

a place to freshen up

and a cup of our finest butter tea.

Please.

Hey, can I have some tea?

I'm thirsty, man.

Been doing a lot of running lately.

Something I said?

What's up, man? That's how we do it.

There you go. That's where you let go.

Really?

Tell me, brother, who is the young man?

He's a thief.

You got one hell of a handshake.

Unfortunately, it's not strong enough.

A thief and you bring him here?

Water which is too pure has no fish.

Yes, I see.

My uncle told me what happened in

the Temple of Sublime Truth 60 years ago.

When you became the next

and protected him,

he was just a child.

But he never forgot what he saw that day.

The wonders of the scroll.

For 60 years, we have been preparing.

Now, the Year of the Ram

is once again upon us.

And we have a number of very apt pupils

right here in our humble temple.

And one very strong candidate.

Ah, not bad.

(IN TREMBLING VOICE)

Yeah. I'm not even trying.

You thought you were gonna win,

but you're not.

Oh, you think so?

I know so.

It is not a matter of study alone.

There are the prophecies.

Surely you agree, brother,

the prophecies do not apply

to such a common thief, a pickpocket.

The prophecies must apply to everyone

or they mean nothing.

Of course.

You let go first.

No way.

Hey.

Just playing around.

Next time, brother.

Yeah, next time.

You helped me get away from those men.

Maybe there is some help I can give you

with your fighting.

Let's do it.

Here, here.

Special medicine.

Ah.

Hey, it's cool. It's comfy.

It's fast-acting. This stuff is great.

What is it?

Homemade. From my own urine.

That's disgusting.

JADE:
Excuse me?

Yes?

I'm looking for someone. His name is Kar.

I asked around

and I heard that he works here.

What's a pretty girl like you

want to see him for?

I think that he may be in trouble.

Oh, damn right, he is in trouble.

Half the day has gone by

and he still hasn't got back

with tonight's movie.

So you're saying

that you haven't seen him all day?

Don't worry. Kar can take care of himself.

That's part of why I trust him to help me.

What's the other part?

I just don't know why, but I keep thinking

that kid's got potential.

So they tell me.

Will you make sure that he gets this?

What am I, a secretary?

Please.

You're welcome.

Bad Girl?

You must learn the unity of opposites.

Be mobile and stationary.

Defensive and offensive.

You attack

with all the wrong weapons, Kar.

It is not about anger. It's about peace.

(KAR GROANS)

It's not about power. It's about grace.

It's not about knowing your enemy.

It's all about knowing yourself.

How'd you do that?

The air.

You can't see it, but it fills your lungs.

It's as real as blood or flesh or bone

or earth, or water.

Once you realize this,

you treat the air the same way.

You step on it as you would a stone.

You swim through it as you would the sea.

And all you have to do is believe.

Believe what?

The laws of gravity don't exist?

If you truly believe that they don't,

then they don't.

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

Get down!

Hold the scroll. Don't lose it.

Right there!

Stay here.

COP ON RADIO:
This is Air Team.

Target is on the roof.

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh, no.

Oh, sh*t!

(GROANING)

(BEEPING)

PILOT:
I'm hit. I'm pulling out.

(PANTING)

No!

(SIREN WAILING)

Help!

Are you okay?

Look, I'm sorry about the scroll

and thanks for saving my life.

But I just came this close to being killed.

I'm a pickpocket, not a hero.

I'm out of here.

Hey!

Kar.

Don't you want to know the truth?

Well, it's about time you came clean.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)

Right.

That's right. Keep it going.

Golden Palace theater.

Very good.

So, who are these guys after the scroll?

Mercenaries led by a Nazi.

A hungry ghost obsessed with the past.

(SPEAKING PUNJABI)

You speak like you were born

in the Punjab, my friend.

In fact, I would say you were a follower

of the Guru's path yourself but

(RANJAHX PLAYING ON STEREO)

I know. Not enough hair.

You like this music?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the bomb-diggity.

Excuse me.

I have to talk to my baby mama-to-be.

Go ahead.

In Kashmir, I studied

the enlightened teachings of the Gurus

until Strucker found me again.

Strucker? He's the leader?

His dream is to remake the world

in his own image.

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