Buzzard Page #4

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Dude, my dad doesrft Wear diapers.

You know that.

- Rude.

- Well, go feed him or Whatever.

D- He's gonna eat at 10:00.

I have an hour and a half.

I wanna get to level 10.

- I dorft have anything else to do.

- I dorft care.

I'm trying to lay clown here, okay'?

- Get some rest, all right'? So-

- This isn't gonna work.

Stop it.

Stop it, man.

What I'm gonna do, is I'm

gonna take my controller.

I'm gonna take it upstairs,

and since you didn't bring yours...

- you're screwed.

- I dorft care.

Here. Watch this.

Hmm.

Growing Pains. Hope you like reruns.

- I do.

- Yeah. I bet you do.

"Jackinoffsky. "

Loser.

All right, coming back, believe it or not.

Man, I carft believe it.

Oh. I gotta get into my mood here.

Geez.

Man, if I had to go through this every day,

I would 07s.

Okay.

- Feeling left out.

- it's just for fun.

It really is. I just do it for a kick.

I dorft take a lot of this seriously.

I take the impersonation itself seriously...

but as far as really wanting to be like

Olivia Newton-John, be Olivia Newton-John-

Olivia's Olivia.

I'm a guy, but I love Olivia.

This is-

You gotta give me a little more room, man.

You gotta give me room.

- You've got plenty of room.

- No, my Wiener is right on the bar.

My vvienefis on the bar,

and I dorft Want yourvviener near my butt-

My vvienefis not near your butt.

I know, but if it cloes,

like, it's just gonna ruin it all.

It's just gonna ruin it.

Okay. That's enough.

Okay, dude, ifs 14-1.

Here we go.

Aw, clang it.

Dang it.

I can do more.

I'm gonna beat my old record, I think.

Dang it.

Keep 'em coming, man.

I'm doing pretty good.

Hey, ifs too much, Marty.

- Slow it clown.

- No, man. You're doing well.

- Uh-uh.

- Doing very good.

- Slow it clown, man.

- No, keep it going, man.

This is-

Marty, slow it clown.

Marty, slow it clown.

Marty, that's too much.

Okay, look.

Marty, stop it, man. My-

Stop, man.

Oh.

How many was that'?

- Oh, you got a lot, man.

- I-low many exactly?

I'll print out an award for you,

for your cubicle.

Really?

Okay, here we go.

No points. Damn.

What's the score?

I think ifs 0-0 now.

I made a comeback.

No, I got at least negative 1.

Okay, 0 to negative 1.

Just give me a second. Give me a minute.

I like it like that. Mm-hmm.

Okay, dude.

I'm ready.

Whoa!

Was that a tennis ball?

You're supposed to use a sock, dude.

Wha-

Not now. Come on, man.

Throw a-

I'm turning off this crap music.

No, dude, this is my song, man.

Okay, that was in the butthole.

No.

You're gonna lose to this guy.

You're gonna lose to him.

- Anybody ask about me at Work?

- Nope.

Really? Nobody?

Just Carol.

Whafd you tell her?

She asked where you were, so I tolcl her you

weren't coming in this week.

No, dude, you just say that I'm sick.

That's- That's What I said. That he's sick

and he's not coming in this week.

Yeah- Yeah, but how would you know...

that I'm gonna be gone for the entire week'?

I'll tell her tomorrow that you're really,

really sick.

No-

Just dorft say anything.

- All right?

- Fine.

I'll send some e-mails or something.

I dorft know. Whatever.

Fine.

Did anybody ask about the checks?

Uh- Ye-

Carol asked me

if you really did mail 'em out.

I just-

I told her that I didn't know

and it vvasrft a big deal-

Dude, why didn't you

tell me any of this earlier?

'Cause I told her that I didn't even know.

- So ifs not a big deal.

- Yeah, ifs a huge deal.

Why do you think that she told you, man?

'Cause we're- we're friends.

No.

We're vvork friends.

I know.

She told you because you suck at lying.

Everybody at the office

knows you suck at lying.

Why are you being such a baby about it?

Just go back to vvork and bring all your

checks, and you'll be fine.

I carft just bring the checks back.

I already told Carol that I mailed 'em out.

- Then mail 'em out.

- I dorft have the addresses.

Look them up in the White Pages.

No-

You're just making this Way Worse.

- I'm keeping them.

- Oh, that's a bad idea, dude.

That's why I gotta

cash those checks right away.

You're gonna get in trouble, dude.

I'm sorry, man.

1U' [ Wdeo Game Music' j

I'm sorry, dude.

Here.

You can play the rest of my guy.

I dorft care.

Here. Play my guy.

Come on, Marty. I'm sorry.

You're freaking out. Relax.

Marty. Hello.

Come on, Marty.

- Hello.

- What?

- Ff/Ofi]

- [Sirens Continue]

Derek?

Derek!

[Gulping 1

Mmm.

Mmm.

I feel good.

I'm ready now, man. Do it.

Dude! You hit my glasses.

What?

Okay, you just pretty much lost...

so I get a free shot at you right now.

Dude, I carft believe that.

Whatever, man. I'm psyching you out.

Oh, What are you gonna do,

cheat me more now?

What are you doing?

What do you got, man?

You can only use your hand.

Whatever you're doing is gonna be-

This doesrft make- I get a free throw at

you, so you carft cheat.

Oh! No way!

- When did you finish it?

- A couple of days ago.

Oh, that's sweet.

- Let me try it on.

- No.

Come on. Let me try it on.

- Cut your arm off, man.

- That is awesome.

- I bet ifs hot that sharp.

- Yeah, it is.

Here.

What if I threw a Bugle at it?

Right in half, out of thin air.

Okay.

I'm gonna throw two Bugles.

I'm gonna throw three Bugles at you.

- I'll get 'em all.

- If one of 'em gets out in half, I'll believe you.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- Here they come.

- Okay.

- Let's go.

- Do it.

[ Laughs 1

Dude, that vvas embarrassing, man.

Those things are not sharp.

That sucks.

I'll sharpen it up a little.

No. It sucks, man.

It looks cool, but those arerft even sharp.

Couldrft even do anything with that.

I thought it was kind

of scary at first and sweet.

But ifs not that sweet. it's like a toy.

The scary employee of the week...

wrinkled shrimp-dick motherf***er!

I accept the challenge.

Your mind games dorft vvork on me.

Geez, man.

- I am king of the land!

- Go to hell.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Dude, you out me.

You out me. You out me.

- Go get something. Stop the bleeding.

- All right.

I'm gonna bleed.

I'm gonna bleed. Dude, hurry up.

Oh, my gosh. Get a shirt.

Get a shirt or something.

Not that shirt.

That's my Souhdgardeh shirt.

- Dude, you dorft even listen to them.

- it doesrft matter.

Get something else. Oh, my gosh.

I'm gonna bleed soon, dude.

I'm gonna start bleeding.

- Hurry, hurry, hurry.

- Here.

- Oh!

- Geez.

Oh, look at that.

Oh! Oh!

Do you think that's gonna bleed?

- Dude, ifs not even out.

- I knovv, but-

I'm gonna start bleeding, right?

- Man-

- Oh, that's bad.

This is unbelievable.

Those things arerft even sharp, dude.

They suck.

Pssh. Lame.

So you just send the coupons

in the mail then.

Beautiful.

Yeah. Jackitansky.

So, I'm already in the system?

Well, that was like two Weeks ago.

Different problem.

Can you hold on one second?

Hey, What time is it?

Man, What time zone are you in?

L- low many hours behind? What-

Man, that's a strange vvork schedule, dude.

Yeah, you know What? I'm just gonna have

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