Caddyshack Page #5

Then split. Okay?

'Bye, Chuck.

Guess I'm a little overdressed, huh?

Depends on what's underneath.

I have a little poem I'd like to read

in honor of this occasion, if I may.

Spaulding, get your foot off the boat!

"lt's easy to grin

when your ship comes in...

"...and you've got the stock market beat.

"But the man worthwhile

is the man who can smile...

"...when his shorts are too tight

in the seat! "

Okay, Pookie, do the honors.

Bless this ship and all who sail on her.

I christen thee "The Flying Wasp."

This is your fate line.

You're going to make a lot of money

when you're older.

Yeah? When? How?

Could be in the market or on a game show.

And this is your saliva line.

What does it tell?

How hot I can get you.

Well, don't just stand there!

Go get some glue!

Hey! My buddy!

Full steam ahead! Over there.

I want to go over there!

Move over Swanson. I'm driving!

My dinghy is bigger than your whole boat!

Save me a parking place! I'm coming in!

Heave off!

Get back, you idiot!

I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!

What is this? Hell's Angels?

Reverse!

Back!

Which way is backwards?

Stop! Stop!

Okay. Drop anchor!

Hey, you scratched my anchor!

I just want you to know

that because of this...

...you don't have to stop seeing

other people.

You!

Your robe, Your Honor.

I don't believe anybody's home.

Thanks a lot!

Are we still having tea?

Will you come and loofah

my stretch marks?

That must be the tea.

What an incredible Cinderella story!

This unknown comes out of nowhere

to lead the pack.

He's on his final hole.

He's about 455 yards away.

He's going to hit about a two iron, I think.

Well, he got out of that.

The crowd is standing on its feet.

The normally reserved crowd...

...is going wild!

For this young Cinderella

who has come out of nowhere...

...he's got about 350 yards left.

He'll get a five iron...

...l would expect. Don't you think?

He's got a beautiful back swing.

That's...oh! He got out of that one!

He's got to be pleased with that.

The crowd is on its feet here.

He's a Cinderella boy.

Tears in his eyes, I guess,

as he lines up this last shot.

He's got about 195 yards left, and...

...looks like he's got an eight iron.

This crowd has gone deadly silent.

Cinderella story. Out of nowhere.

A former greenskeeper now about

to become the Master's champion.

It's in the hole!

I was hoping to squeeze in nine holes

before this rain starts.

Certainly, Your Eminency.

Take my bag.

You better put this on.

That's a great shot.

I can't believe the way you hit the ball, sir.

You really covered it.

We better start moving.

Did you see that?

Miracle!

Nice shot, Bishop. You must have made

a deal with the devil!

I could break the Club record.

You better come in until this blows over.

So what do you think?

I'd keep playing.

I don't think the heavy stuff

will come down for a while.

You're right.

Anyway, the good Lord

would never disrupt...

...the best game of my life.

I'm infallible, young fella!

Come on! One more hole!

Ratfarts!

You're here early.

I kind of slept here last night.

I'm in big trouble.

Yeah? Me too. I'm late!

Late for what?

For not being pregnant!

I don't hold you responsible!

It's my problem. I can handle it.

I'm not going to let you

go through this alone.

Whatever you decide.

I'm going to have it! I've already decided!

That's it, then.

We'll just get married.

Oh, God! That's all I need!

No, I want to, all right?

No, you don't!

Yes, I do!

Look, I don't want to get married!

Come on, Maggie. You're just saying that.

No, I'm not!

It might not be yours. Okay?

You're making this up

about the other guys...

...so I won't feel guilty.

I'm not making it up!

All right. Well, I'm still willing

to marry you!

Well, thanks for nothing!

You're a good egg, Noonan.

She needs you.

Pick up that Kleenex.

The judge would like to see the caddy

Danny Noonan as soon as he comes in.

I'm Danny Noonan.

Would you come with me, please?

Judge Smails, sir?

Sit down, Danny.

I think you know why you're here.

So I'll do us the courtesy

of not reviewing what happened yesterday.

My niece is the kind of girl

that has a certain zest for living.

The last thing any of us needs now

is a lot of loose talk about her behavior.

I swear I didn't tell anybody anything, sir.

Good. Good.

You know, despite what happened...

...l'm still convinced that you have

many fine qualities.

I think you can still become a gentleman

someday...

...if you understand and abide by the rules

of decent society.

There's a lot of...well,

badness in the world today.

I see it in court every day.

I've sentenced boys younger than you

to the gas chamber.

I didn't want to do it.

I felt I owed it to them.

The most important decision you can make

right now is what you stand for.

Goodness...

...or badness.

I've made some mistakes in the past.

I'm willing to make up for that.

I want to be good!

Very good!

I know how hard it is for young people

today and I want to help.

Just ask my grandson, Spaulding.

He and I are regular pals.

Are you my pal...

..."Mr. Scholarship Winner"?

Yes, sir! I'm your pal!

How about a Fresca?

Another rob roy, Bishop?

You never ask a navy man

if he'll have another drink...

...because it's nobody's

goddamn business...

...how many drinks he's had already, right?

Wrong! You're drinking too much,

Your Excellency.

"Excellency," fiddlesticks!

My name is Fred and I'm just a man,

same as you are.

You're not a man.

You're a bishop, for God's sake!

There is no God!

Webb, I didn't see your name on

the sign-in sheet for the Club tournament.

I thought you'd be the man to beat

this year.

Guess you'll just have

to keep beating yourself.

Come on, honey. Let's go.

How are you, boys?

Hey, we're both starving.

When do we eat?

You have worn out your welcome, sir!

Is that so? Who made you Pope

of this dump?

Bushwood...a "dump"?

Well, I'll guarantee

you'll never be a member here!

Are you kidding? You think

I'd join this crummy "snobatorium"?

Why, this whole place sucks!

That's right. The only reason I'm here

is maybe I'll buy it!

Buy Bushwood! You...?

I get no respect from anyone!

Please! What's going on?

He tried to choke me! You saw it.

He called me a baboon.

Thinks I'm his wife.

I'm calling the police!

Call the chief of police! I built his condo!

Out! I want him out of here!

Let's go, Beeper!

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