Caddyshack II Page #6

No, no, no, I meant

do you want him... terminated?

The less I know about that the better.

Good. That's my policy exactly.

That way, when we're captured, and they

put a 12-volt battery to our testicles,

which can, does and has happened...

we can honestly say

we're ignorant of the subject.

Should we swear a blood oath on it

or something?

Oh, I don't think that will be

necessary, Captain Everett.

OK.

From now on, in future communications,

you'll refer to me as... Mr Sanderson.

And I will refer to you as erm...

Mrs Esterhaus.

Fine.

Well... I guess that's it then.

- Oh, Mr Sanderson.

- Goodbye... Mrs Esterhaus.

My God.

- What's the matter?

- You look stunning.

Thank you.

Give me a minute. I'll be right back.

Jack?

Jack, I'm in the kitchen.

Jackie?

I'm just fixing something.

Oy!

Jack?

Jack, shall I get that?

What are you doing out there?

I just wanted to see what it would feel

like to come home to you every night.

Oh, how sweet.

- Now what were you really up to?

- Me?

Nothing. Nothing.

I just wanted to give you a present.

Hello.

- What's this? Where you going?

- Going to stay at Miffy's for a while.

Miffy's? Why?

Cos I can't live with you anymore.

Live with me? What happened?

You don't care about me, or you wouldn't

have done what you did to Bushwood.

Did to Bushwood?

I made it into a fun place.

No, you took a beautiful country club

and turned it into Coney Island.

It was perfect the way it was,

but you couldn't stand that, could you?

You had to make it cheap and common.

I don't believe this.

You sound just like one of them.

Don't you understand?

- I want to be one of them.

- You wanna be one...

Then be one of them. Go ahead.

Go ahead, you got no family anymore.

- You're now one of them.

- That's fine with me.

Fine with you, fine with them,

and it's fine with me.

Then go ahead.

And don't come back here anymore.

- Little bit hard on her, weren't you?

- I was hard on her?

I work like a dog all my life

so she should have everything.

And she talks to me like that?

All kids go through things like that.

They're embarrassed about their parents

or they want to be someone else.

I hope you're right.

Just give her a chance. She'll be fine.

Everything is perfect.

It's a perfect mess, that's what it is.

My daughter walked out on me.

Just when I thought I was

doing it right, I'm doing it all wrong.

Just when I think I'm on top

I'm on the bottom again.

My daughter was right. No matter how

rich I get I'm a filthy, vulgar person.

That's what I am. That's what I am.

I'm trash. I'm filth. I'm dirt.

I'm garbage. I'm the scum of the Earth.

I'm the scum of the Earth!

You can contradict me

any time you want, you know.

Hm? No, no, no argument here.

I make a point never to interfere

in people's relationships.

You know, there's no mystery

to dealing with women.

Women are... They're just

human beings like you and me.

They're fragile, they're sensitive,

they're responsive to...

kindness and warmth and honesty.

They just have to be treated that way,

that's all.

Let me show you what I'm talking about.

What the... Very funny.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I'm Ty Webb.

- We were noticing you at the bar.

Er... want to play trap the clam?

- Dip the donkey?

- Excuse me.

Spank the puppy?

Swallow the swan?

- I have to put a dime in the meter.

- I'll help you.

Mow the lawn?

Pop the weasel?

Well, we're finally alone.

I know.

Have you ever seen a crisp $50 bill?

Urghh!

Uh-huh.

Jack, just the man I was looking for.

I just spoke to my friends

at the planning commission.

Here's a little present for you.

It'd be a miracle if you ever got

another building permit in this city.

You crooks are all on the take. Where

you're taking it I don't want to know.

So you might be interested

in selling your Bushwood stock,

at a whopping loss, of course.

I'm sick and tired of you

and your bullshit, got that?

- I'm buying you out!

- You're crazy if you think we'll sell.

- Name your price!

- Why don't we flip for it?

OK, coin in the air.

Coin in the air.

...taking over...

Be honest, who had heads?

I'm gonna flip again. Here we go!

It's tails.

- Did you hear me?

- Let me tell you something.

OK. You want a fight,

you got yourself a fight.

One more word and I'll kill ya.

One more word!

- Clown.

- That's not the word.

- Barbarian.

- That's not the word either.

- Coward.

- That was the word.

- That was the word.

- Break it up! Break it up!

You want to settle this? Do it

like gentlemen, on the golf course.

- 18 holes. Partners.

- Great idea.

You win, you can have your club back.

He wins, he keeps the club

and he builds those apartments.

- You're on, mister.

- OK, you got a bet. It's on my course.

- And no trick clubs.

- Who needs them? You're finished.

Out of my way.

Hey.

Todd. Go out and get a nice tie.

You look like a Pee-wee Herman doll.

Look how uncoordinated he is.

Can't even drive a car.

Can you imagine him beating me at golf?

Frankly, you're not great yourself.

Even with me as your partner

there's still an element of risk.

Take my word. Risk has been eliminated.

That's my car!

Place yourself in my hands.

OK, trust me.

Relax. Come on, relax.

All right. Bend your knees just a touch.

- You want to spread your legs.

- You want me to leave you alone?

That's not funny.

OK, let's see that grip.

No, Jack. Jack.

- Terry...

- Harry.

- Harry. You're gonna be his partner?

- Yes. 50/50, right?

- I don't like you that much. 90/20.

- Close enough.

I want you to swing nice and easy

and hit one down the fairway, OK?

Just want to see how you hit it.

Take your time. Nice and easy.

Right down the fairway.

Relax and swing easy.

Don't be afraid. Any time.

Just give it a good hit.

Right down the fairway.

Fellas?

No. No. Hold it. Time out.

You're picking your head up.

You got to keep it down. Down.

And I noticed you're bending

your left elbow on your back swing.

Keep that straight. Use both hands.

Bend your knees a little bit more.

That's it.

- It's really quite simple.

- Kevin.

- Harry.

- Whatever.

You're just confusing the man.

It's really quite simple.

First of all, get rid of all this stuff.

What you want to do is clear your mind.

OK? Watch me, OK? Take a deep breath.

Close your eyes.

And just be the ball.

- Be the ball.

- Be the ball.

Be the ball.

- Na-na-na-na-na.

- Na-na-na-na-na.

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

Na-na-na-na-na.

- Be the ball.

- Be the ball.

Be the ball. Be the ball. Be the ball.

- Be the ball.

- Na-na-na-na-na.

- Na-na-na-na-na.

- Na-na-na-na-na.

- Na-na-na-na-na.

- Na-na-na-na-na.

Na-na-na-na-na.

No, no, no, no, no. Jack. Jack. Jack!

Jack! You're not being the ball.

Be the ball.

Do me a favour, you be the ball.

If I wanted to be sports equipment

I'd be a lady's bicycle seat.

Tell you what,

the problem is concentration.

Why don't we try it blindfolded?

- Why not?

- All right, let's try that.

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