Carry on Camping Page #5

You'll be in Room 19.

- Thank you very much, Dr Soaper.

- Not at all.

I'm sure no-one will disturb you.

Yes, come along, girls.

Hurry up. All pair off.

Each girl make a pair. All make a pair.

That's right.

What's the matter, Sally?

Please, sir, I don't seem to have a pair.

I wouldn't say that, dear.

You see, there's 11 of us.

Yes, that's true. I hadn't thought of that.

That is most awkward.

She can have my room.

I beg your pardon?

Well, I'm on my own.

She can have it if she wants.

Oh, yes, I suppose that

would appear to be the only solution.

All right, Sally, you take Room 17.

Yes, sir. Thank you.

That's all right. Any time.

Yes, all right. Come along, dear.

You'll be sharing with me. Room 16.

(Thunder cracks)

- Oh! Mind where you're putting that!

- Sorry.

Give me a peg.

Peg...

Here you are.

All right. Bang it in.

- Ah!

- Sorry!

What's the matter with you?

Ah! Oh!

(Owl hoots)

Oh, hold still a minute, Peter, please!

HARRIET:
Ah, that's better!

Oh, got it!

Aah!

PETER:
Is that the lot?

HARRIET:
No, just one more.

Now, hold still.

That's it.

Aah!

PETER:
Ooh...

HARRIET:
There.

That's better. Now, get your clothes on,

we'll have a nice hot cup of tea.

PETER:
Oh!

(Knocking)

Hello. Is anyone there?

Oh, hello.

Good evening.

Oh, you poor thing. You're soaked.

Yes, it's been raining, you see.

Come inside. Come inside. Come on, quickly.

Peter, move up.

(Pots rattle violently)

Move up, Peter!

Move up.

Hello. Feeling better?

Yes, thank you.

Here. Get those things off.

Come on, Peter, give the poor old chap a hand.

Will you? Yes, if you could just get the pack off.

Nearly off. No, wait a minute. That side now.

That's it. Thank you very much.

Oh, you're all wet!

Don't worry. Peter doesn't mind a drop of water.

No, I love it.

By the way, I'm Harriet Potter

and this is my husband Peter.

How do you do?

My name is Muggins. Charlie Muggins.

That doesn't surprise me.

I've lost my tent and I've been searching around

looking for somewhere to spend the night.

- Oh, dear. You're miles from anywhere here.

- Yes.

- Why not stay the night here?

- May I?

- Yes.

- No. I mean, Mr Muggins hardly knows us.

We don't want to embarrass him.

- You're not shy, are you?

- No.

Well, of course you're not.

After all, with us, it's just down to the old undies

and into the bag, isn't it, Peter?

Well, perhaps Mr Muggins doesn't like watching

people getting stripped down to their old undies.

Oh, I don't mind. That is if you and your husband

don't wish to be alone.

What on earth for?

Oh! I see what you mean.

(Prolonged annoying laugh)

Oh, we gave up all that sort of thing years ago,

didn't we, Peter?

Yes, you did, didn't you?

I still have my little cot with me,

if you're sure there's room for it.

Yes, of course. Put it up the middle.

Peter will give you a hand to get it out,

won't you, dear?

Oh, gladly.

That's it. Now, pull!

Oh! Oh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Ah!

(Prolonged sigh)

(Bird squawks)

Look, how much longer are you going to be?

Nearly finished.

Well, you said that nearly an hour ago.

- That's it, Bernie, get the beds.

- Righto.

Oh!

Agh!

I'm terribly sorry. Here, let me.

- No, no, no. My nightie!

- What?

- My nightie.

- Oh.

Mr Tanner!

Well, I fell over her and accidentally pulled it off.

I'm quite sure Barbara's big enough

to put it back on herself.

Oh, yes, she's big enough, all right.

- Oh.

- I mean...

Good night.

You two get to bed.

I'll deal with you in the morning.

I'll fix that old bag someday.

Give us a hand.

Back to Room 16 and don't hog the bed!

Dr Soaper's coming.

Here, I've got an idea. Come here.

Off to beddy-byes now, girls.

Get a good night's sleep.

- Yes, Dr Soaper, and the same to you.

- Thank you. Good night.

Oh!

Matron, this is the men's.

- Go away, Dr Soaper!

- I'm sorry.

No, Matron, I assure you, the mistake is yours.

It's quite clearly marked...

Oh. Oh, I...

Dr Soaper, I must confess,

I'm not an expert in these matters,

but I hardly think a shower stall is

a suitable place for making advances.

I thought I'd got hold of the shower tap.

- I mean...

- Oh!

But, Matron, I...

Come on, girls, everything's ready for you.

- Oh! Oh, it's lovely and cosy, isn't it, Anthea?

- Lovely.

Worth waiting for, weren't it?

Beds are all made up, there's a light

and hangers for your clothes.

That's in case you want to go out.

(Metallic clang)

- And that's in case you don't.

Well, you have done it nice

and there's so much room.

Yes, you could get four in there easy...

...if you had to.

Yes, well, let's put up the other tent.

Do you have to? You're soaking wet already

and it's started to rain again.

We've got to kip somewhere.

Yes, I suppose so.

(Thunder cracks)

- What's a drop of pleurisy, anyway?

- Night, Bernie.

- Hey, wait! Look, I've had an idea.

Yes?

Well, it seems silly to get wet again

putting up the other tent.

That's exactly what we thought. So?

So, why don't you both sleep in the car?

(Humming)

Would you please stop barging?

I'm sorry, I'm trying to get my sock off

and I can't find the top.

That's my leg, Mr Muggins.

Oh, sorry.

It was my fault. I was too close.

W- W-What are you?

Would you mind, please?

It's so difficult when you're...

It'll be much better when I get my pants off.

- Mrs Potter...

- Mm?

- You're getting mine off.

- Oh, good heavens! I'm terribly sorry.

There's so little room in here.

Oh!

Oh, just a minute.

- Ooh! You keep pushing.

- Would you...

Would you please get out of my pyjamas?

I can't move.

- Mr Potter!

- Mr Muggins!

Ooh, what's happening?

- Oh, Mr Muggins, please!

- You've made a mistake.

I know you didn't mean... really.

- Do you mind?

- No, it was silly of me.

Keep it to yourself. I've got my own, you see?

(Thunder cracks)

Oh! There you are.

That's not the other bed,

that's the rubber dinghy.

- Eh?

- A real bargain, that was. Self-inflating an' all.

What do we want

a self-inflating rubber dinghy for?

We'll need it when we get to the beach.

If we get much more of this rain,

we'll need it here.

Get your sopping clothes off my bed. Get up!

Sorry.

Evening.

Ah!

Try this way. Turn over here.

- Ah, that's it.

- Aha! Well done. That's fine.

You'll be all right there, Mr Muggins.

Thank you.

I only hope I didn't disturb you too much.

Oh, no. Not at all.

- Good night, all.

- Night.

Good night, Mrs Potter.

Good night.

Er, excuse me,

I think you'd better have my cot.

I'll sleep in the middle.

All right.

(Humming)

Um, um...

You've got my sleeping bag.

You are kind.

Night.

(Mumbles discontentedly)

Girls! Get back to your room.

I want no more trouble tonight.

Yes, Matron.

You stay here and keep watch.

(Humming)

(Humming)

- Move over!

- Ah!

Ah!

Dr Soaper!

(Thunder cracks and rain pours)

- (Sneezes)

- Bless you.

And you.

Oh, blimey!

Bernie, it's raining.

Hang on a minute.

Thank you.

- Now for Gawd's sake, let's get some sleep.

- I'm ready.

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