Carry on Doctor Page #5

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Will you be able to come again?

I... I don't have anybody to visit me.

Just try and stop me.

Look after yourself.

And you. Bye.

Bye.

Why, Mr Biddle!

All visitors out, please. Come along.

Come on, Fred! Quick, out.

...overflowed again,

and come right through the sitting room ceiling.

The number of times I begged you

to do something about that flush...

Oh, no.

The house could fall down,

you wouldn't even notice it.

- That's it, time's up.

- What, already?

I've hardly had time to tell you a thing.

That's all right, it'll keep.

You'll be back tomorrow, I suppose.

Oh, no, I can't. Not tomorrow.

I'm going to the dogs.

You can say that again.

Oh, well, I better be off, then.

Ah...

Here, we seem to have got through

them grapes pretty quick, didn't we?

- We did.

- Never mind. I'll bring you some more tomorrow.

Is it time, Sister?

Yes, I'm afraid it is.

Oh, too bad.

Looks like you'll have to go, Fred.

You're not kidding.

Good evening.

Oh, hi.

Oh, what a lovely-looking pear.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Oh!

Oh! Oh, I'm most terribly sorry.

Oh, well, that's quite all right.

It was my... my fault.

No, I just wasn't looking where I was going.

Is something the matter?

I was looking for Doctor Tinkle's room.

Oh... Oh, that's staff rooms.

That's the second floor up.

You turn left as you come out of the lift,

and it's the second door on... on the left.

Oh, thanks.

You're so sweet.

Yes, I am.

Oh, no, no, wait a minute!

You're not allowed up there!

No, hospital regulations.

"Female staff must not enter male staff's rooms. "

Oh, Lord!

What is it?

Argh!

Oh! Oh, Kenneth, darling, are you all right?

Yes.

You! Then it was you in the sluice room!

I was hoping it was hallucinations.

- Lucy who?

- Lucy Nation. You remember her? The girl...

What am I talking about, and what are you

doing here? You must get out at once!

But I only just got here.

Yes, but you don't understand.

It's not safe. Somebody might come in.

Oh, that's right, dear Kenneth.

You always think of everything.

No, no, what are you doing? You can't stay here.

But, Kenneth, darling, I came to repay my debt.

You don't owe me anything.

Have you forgotten? You saved my life.

All I did was treat you for tonsillitis.

It was nothing.

You can't kid me. You came to visit me

in my room every night for months afterwards.

That was merely professional courtesy.

You were in no danger.

No? Then why did you

keep giving me the kiss of life?

Well, even if I did, you don't owe me anything.

Don't you understand?

Nowadays, you get it for nothing.

You don't have to pay for it.

What about all those wonderful things

you used to say to me?

All about my cute little tibia,

and how I had beautifully enlarged glands?

Dr Kilmore?

Dr Kilmore?

Dr Kilmore!

Why are you listening at Dr Tinkle's door?

What was that?

Why are you listening at Dr Tinkle's door?

Was I? Oh. Oh, yes...

I thought I heard a deathwatch beetle.

Really? Then we'd better inform Dr Tinkle.

No. You can't go in there.

Now, will you kindly open that door

and leave my room?

No! Not until you say you love me.

Very well.

Stand aside from the door, please.

- No.

- Very well.

Oh!

Dr Tinkle, I'd never have believed it!

Matron, let me explain.

This girl's mad. She forced her way

into my room and tried to attack me.

Oh, that's not true! I wouldn't hurt him. I love him!

You do?

- Yes.

She must be crazy.

Return to your room.

I'll deal with you in the morning!

I don't care what you do to me.

Without him, I don't even want to go on living!

You see what I mean? She's absolutely crazy.

Bluebeard!

Doctor, you saw what happened.

You'll back me up, won't you?

What... What are you looking at me like that for?

I was just thinking,

what a cute little tibia you have.

Here we are, then, sonny.

If I've told him once,

I've told him a thousand times...

- How did that happen?

- They was playing soldiers.

- Come on.

- He must have been one of the Jerries.

Poor little fella.

Never mind "poor little fella".

What about poor Grandad?

He's bedridden and relies on that.

- Good morning, Matron.

- Good morning, Doctor.

Matron, about last night...

I don't think we should discuss it any more,

Dr Tinkle.

Oh, I'm glad you feel that way about it, Matron.

I agree.

I think the whole matter is best forgotten.

Naturally, I have suspended trainee nurse May,

and confined her to her room.

Very sensible. Probably better to dismiss her

altogether. A bad influence, you know.

That will be up to the hospital committee

to decide,

after I've put in my full report.

Oh, we don't need to bother with them, do we?

Just give her the push, quietly.

It's not as simple as that, Doctor.

They will want to know

what that girl was doing in your room.

Oh, we don't want to tell them all that.

Can't it just be our little secret, eh?

What about Doctor Kilmore?

He saw it too, remember.

Yes, but I'm sure we can find a way

of fixing him between us.

Well, naturally, I don't want to jeopardise

your position here unnecessarily, Doctor.

Of course you don't, Matron. Perhaps we could

discuss this over a quiet little dinner tonight,

just the two of us?

Oh, that would be rather nice.

The pleasure would be all mine, Matron.

Oh... Well, I think I can promise you, Doctor,

you won't be disappointed.

Young chickens may be soft and tender,

but the older birds have more on them.

True.

And take a lot more stuffing.

Thank you, Doctor.

It won't happen again, I promise you.

Don't forget your helmet.

Got to get that back to his poor grandad.

Let's hope we're in time.

Come on, you little devil.

Ah, Nurse Clarke?

Just the person I wanted to see.

Oh, really, Doctor? What about?

Oh, well, it's about the girl

you share a room with.

Oh. Nurse May, you mean?

That's right. I was going to ask you

if you could keep an eye on her.

There are enough people doing that,

if you ask me.

She had a spot of trouble last night

and she got very emotionally upset.

She seemed all right when I left her.

Seriously, though, Nurse, there's a chance

she may do something very silly.

You don't mean...

Oh, I can't believe that, Doctor.

Well, anything can happen in a hospital, Nurse.

Little devil, you done it on purpose!

Oh, no, not again, surely.

Little swine! He dropped it

just as I stepped off the kerb.

I don't really need that, thank you, Nurse.

Use it as soon as you can, Mr Roper.

Dr Tinkle wants a specimen for analysis.

He does, does he?

I'm not at all satisfied with the progress

some of these patients are making, Matron.

- I think we're being far too easy on them.

- I quite agree with you, Doctor.

Mr Biddle, still making your frequent trips

down the corridor?

Yes, thank you, Doctor.

I'm enjoying getting about a bit.

You are not here to enjoy yourself, Mr Biddle.

In future, Matron,

I want this patient restricted to his bed.

Yes, Doctor.

Good morning, Mr Smith.

Oh, yes, we'll have those stitches out today.

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