Carry on Up the Jungle Page #4

Enough!

Back to your tent at once, you libertine.

- Libertine?

- Yes! Libertine!

- But, sir, Evelyn...

- Who?

- No, I mean Her Ladyship.

- Oh, her. Yes.

Don't worry, I'll escort her back to the camp.

Very good, sir.

Oi!

Ooh!

Really. I must apologise

for the outrageous conduct of my assistant.

You see, he will not take his tablets.

Why, Professor,

I do believe you're the tiniest bit jealous.

Yes... Er? Oh, no!

Well, well, I mean...

You see, after all, I am his chief.

And if there are any perks going...

I mean, if there's any spare knocking about - no!

I think I know what you mean, Inigo.

- Take me now.

- Yeah... Pardon?

- Back to the camp.

- Oh. Yes!

Of course, yes. Allow me.

Don't worry, darling.

If there's anything there, I'll find it.

- He isn't here.

- Who?

I mean, they aren't here - my clothes.

Oh. Yeah, well, you don't want to worry

about that. You look very tasty as you are.

Well, I think I'll stay for a while, just in case.

You go back, please, Mr Boosey.

Not on your nelly.

Come on, I'll see you back to camp.

- All right, then.

- Come on.

I'm sure you'll be all right now.

I hope so, Professor. Though I must say,

I tremble at the thought of sleeping alone.

Oh, I know how you feel.

I don't fancy it myself.

One would feel so much safer

with a strong, fearless man beside one.

Oh, I agree,

but where could we find one out here?

Professor, I don't suppose you would consider...

That is, I mean, would you...

- Yes?

- No, no, it's unthinkable.

Um, Lady Bagley,

I wonder if you would think I was presuming if I...

Could you see your way clear

- to letting me...

- Yes?

Oh, no, no, it's unprintable.

Well, of course, in the ordinary way,

it would be quite wrong.

But, of course, these are

rather exceptional circumstances.

- Are they not?

- Oh, they are, they are.

I mean, there is my reputation to think of.

You would need to be very circumspect.

Oh, I was, when I was a baby.

I mean, people might not think

that you were in my tent purely to protect me,

- might they?

- Oh, definitely, they might not.

They might jump to the wrong conclusions,

might they not?

Oh, they might, they might.

But, of course, we could wait

until they were all asleep,

- could one not?

- Oh, one could, one could.

Professor, how clever of you to think of that.

Oh, it was nothing.

Till later, then, Inigo.

Ooh!

Oh. Mmm.

Well, here we are, all safe and sound.

Thank you, Mr Boosey.

And good night.

Are you sure you won't be nervous

sleeping in a tent all by yourself?

Oh, no.

Well, if you should be,

you're quite welcome to come to mine.

Thanks, Mr Boosey, but I don't think

anything's going to happen to me.

Pity. I've got a fair set of trophies

I'd like to show you.

Good night.

This just isn't my safari.

- Oi!

- Huta?

- It's all right, it's me. Anything to report?

- No, boss.

I'm turning in. Just keep your eyes open.

Lookadikki?

Dikkinookie, boss.

Who's there?

Ug!

Oh, thank goodness!

I thought you weren't coming.

Sh! Don't make a noise, or they'll hear you.

Come over here and sit down beside me.

That's it.

Now, then, I'll teach you some more words.

Now, this thing I'm lying on is called a bed.

Ug! Give me your hand, let me hold your hand.

There, that's better. Now, then.

Oh.

Aren't you hairy?

Oh...

Oh, all right, then, you can cuddle me if you like.

Oh, what long arms you've got!

Is that you?

- Don't make a noise. I think June is still awake.

- June!

Yes. Sh! I'm over here, come on.

Woman. Kiss.

Well, you don't waste much time, do you?

You mustn't rush me, Professor, you know?

I'm not...

Well, well...

Professor! You haven't got anything on.

Water. Swim.

Man. Woman. Bang!

What? What are you talking about?

Just... just a moment.

Oh...

How do you do?

I don't think we've been introduced.

No, don't go, don't go.

I'm not going to hurt you.

Now, tell me about yourself.

Do you come here often?

Ug!

That's enough! If you can't behave yourself

better than that, I'm turning the light up.

It's not that I'm a prude, but...

Agh!

Hello. Changed your mind, have you?

Don't faint now. Wait till after.

Oh, blimey.

Ug...

Don't you talk any English at all?

Woman. Kiss.

I must say, you're very persistent.

All right, then,

if you promise to be a very good boy.

- Ug!

- No, don't go!

Poor boy, he'll catch his death.

Oh, my baby!

Oooh!

My baby! My baby boy!

- It never rains but it pours.

- Mr Boosey...

Why do I always have that effect on 'em?

Hello?

What's he up to?

Evelyn?

Evelyn, it's Inigo.

Evelyn.

You're not asleep, are you?

Oh, you're only pretending, aren't you?

Naughty!

I heard you moving about just now.

Oh, Evelyn.

You're shy, aren't you?

Oh, Evelyn.

This is not just... the beast in me, you know?

Evelyn.

Oh, Evelyn...

Oh, I... I know we're all animals under the skin.

Yes! Even you.

Very well.

She's not the only pebble on the beach.

Miss June?

Miss June, it's me.

Claude Chumley. I want to... speak with you.

June?

It's all right. Look, I'm not going to harm you.

Tickle, tickle, tickle!

Bull's-eye!

Ooh, Evelyn.

Ooh, what bliss!

Oh, that... that exotic perfume.

And the feel... of your soft, hairy skin.

Hairy skin? But...

Stay there! Don't move.

Excuse me.

Yaaargh!

Aaargh!

- Huta?

- All right, I'll take watch. You get some sleep.

- Thanks, boss.

- Oh, what a night.

- Blimey, my head!

- That's not your head, boss.

That's the Nosha drums.

You're right.

You have a scout round, I'll get the others.

Lookadikki?

Dikkinookie, boss.

What is it? What is happening?

We have to go. Leave the tents.

We'll travel with bare essentials.

- What? I'm not baring my essentials.

- Heaven forbid.

- You mean we're going back?

- Of course. Can't you hear the drums?

But I can't go back.

What about my little baby boy?

Little baby boy? You mean

that walloping great thing in frilly knickers?

Those weren't his, they were mine.

I tore his off when he was in my tent.

- Well, there's a nice maternal action, I must say.

- Never mind whose they were. We've got to go.

No, I am not going back without him.

- Yes, and what about our oozulum bird?

- Quite right.

You've only got a tail feather.

The thing's probably dead.

- That doesn't matter. We can still stuff it.

- A very good idea.

Now, you listen here... They've stopped.

Boss! Boss!

- There are many Noshas coming.

- How many?

- As many as teeth in the mouth of a crocodile.

- How many's that?

Nobody ever stopped long enough

to count them.

Blimey, no point in running now. We've had it.

- But we've got guns. Can't we fight them off?

- What? That many?

- Wait a minute. Get some shovels.

- Yes, boss.

- Shovels? What for?

- Dig a pit.

- A pit?

- We dig a deep hole, cover it with brushwood.

When they rush us, they fall in.

It's an old trick, but it never fails.

All right, dish 'em out.

Let's get digging. Follow me.

Har!

Hold it. That should do it.

They'll never get out of this.

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