Cassanova Was a Woman Page #5

I did not see this coming.

Peter, I still love you. No, you

don't. You don't love me.

If you would love me,

you wouldn't be doing this.

How can you do this, Cass?

After all these years,

how can you do this.

Peter, I don't have all the--

I don't have all the answers.

What I do know is that

I have these feelings

I have to go with.

I can't suppress them.

I have to be true to myself.

What about being true to me,

Cass?

This isn't about you.

Of course not,

it's always been about you.

Peter, where are you going?

Wait one second! Can't we just

finish this conversa--

So, he just left?

- Yeah,

he was pretty much in shock

when he thought I might be

with a woman.

Might?

Lola, I don't know what's going

on.

This is so crazy. I have this

massive crush on you, yet

I never really thought of

being with a woman, in that way.

Well, neither did I, until I

did.

I don't know, everybody has

their own experience, but for me

I loved men for a long time.

I loved their bodies, the sex

was great,

but then I found I wasn't

connecting with them anymore,

emotionally.

And I found I was connecting

more with women.

It just evolved into a romantic

thing.

It never started as a physical

attraction.

Yeah, but I have had

emotional connections with men.

Still do. Deep ones.

I just never thought of a woman

sexually.

Except in some crazy

fantasy in my head

where there's this

orgy going on

and everybody's having anonymous

sex with everybody, right?

And it's awesome.

But it's not real.

No,

I never thought of sex

with a woman

in a serious, conscious way.

[man] What do you think you're

doing?

What happened? Are you okay?

Who the hell are you?

Are you okay? Your face.

You look like you've just seen a

ghost.

He's too hot to be a ghost.

Lola?

Let me ask you a quick question,

aren't ghosts supposed to be all

decomposed and uh

decrepit looking?

And all messed up?

Like the way they die.

Like in the Sixth Sense.

When she opened up the cabinets

and you saw the

back of the head.

She opened up the cabinets

and you saw the hole.

Cass, what the hell are you

talking about?

Are you gonna tell her I'm here?

- Shut up!

I didn't say anything.

- No, not you. Listen,

I'll explain everything

tomorrow.

I have to go.

[naked man and Lola in unison]

Do you wanna talk about this?

I know you may be a little

freaked out. [still in unison]

Oh my God, what's happening to

me? This is insane!

No, no, you're not insane.

You are just discovering things

about yourself

you didn't know were there.

You can say that again.

- Will you get out of here!

This is my apartment.

No, not you.

Listen, honey,

we have to talk about this.

You don't have to leave all

freaked out.

Lola, I'll explain everything...

everything tomorrow.

Okay? I got to go.

Yeah, but Cass, I'm worried

about you.

This is a big step for you

but I want you to know that

everything is gonna be okay.

I've been through this myself.

Oh no you haven't.

[grunts]

That was freaky.

You're telling me!

[horn honks]

I had to sit through

all that making out.

Oh my God!

What the hell are you doing in

my car?

What the hell am I doing

talking to

an imaginary guy

who's totally naked!

[exhales]

Oh my God! Okay, okay, okay.

Okay. Okay. O k a y.

Let me think.

That's not gonna work.

Oh my God.

Oh my God, I'm a schizophrenic

lesbian!

Could there be anything worse?!

I wouldn't start driving, if I

were you.

- Shut up!

I'll do what I wanna do!

- Alright. I'm just saying.

You're not a lesbian,

by the way.

What do I have to do to

make you shut up?!

You're not schizophrenic either.

There's a reason I'm here.

Okay. Okay, okay.

What possible reason

could I have for putting you

here--

ignore him, Cass, just ignore

him!

Okay, that was a little

schizophrenic.

Oh my God.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay!

Let me humor this whole insane

situation.

Who are you and

why are you in my head?

Isn't it obvious?

[honks horn]

Okay, not only do I have a

naked guy who's

apparently, a figment of my

imagination,

but he's also the Dalai Lama!

WHAT...is obvious?

Nothing about what's

happening right now is obvious!

Now, would you put some

clothes on, for Christ's sake!

Put your seat belt on.

What happened?

If at first you don't succeed...

That was amazing.

You are incredible.

Yeah,

yeah, me. Me too.

Amazing.

Cass, what are you doing?

What's up?

Um...

Nothing.

Nothing.

Oh yeah, that actually,

that was amazing.

I never thought sex with a

woman could be that hot.

Well, it does depend on your

partner if you know what I mean.

You know, you do everything I

wish a man would do

but...better.

You know what I can do

that no man can do?

What?

I can go on and on...

The energizer bunny never looked

so good.

[casual music]

[music continues]

SEXUALITY, IS IT IN YOUR HEAD

OR IN YOUR GROIN

I'm in love with a woman.

Okay.

I know, I know, I've only been

with men, how can I be gay--

You're not necessarily gay--

- but it's amazing!

We are so compatible in every

way.

Have you ever felt that?

I feel like I've known her

in another life or something.

Ah, and the sex! Weinstein,

the sex is through the roof.

You haven't told her about me?

Because I've been trying to

ignore you for weeks.

You should've been gone by now.

Why would you ignore me? I told

you I was going on vacation,

you postponed for the last two

months.

I wasn't-- I wasn't talking to

you.

Who were you talking to?

You're gonna laugh.

What is so funny?

I didn't think I'd have to

mention this to you

because I thought he'd be

gone by now, but

every now and then

[mutters]

I'm sorry, you see a what?

A naked guy!

- A naked guy?

I know he's all in my head

but he just...he just pops up

at the most inappropriate

moments.

Is he here now?

Oh yeah.

Letting it all hang out.

You're loving this, aren't you?

In my bedroom,

in my therapist's office,

in my shower--

you have some nerve.

Are you talking to him right

now?

Weinstein, I know he's all in my

head.

I know I'm not crazy but- but-

there he is!

As plain as day,

Naked. Muscular.

Looking as beautiful as ever.

I need a drink, damn it.

Why haven't you told her about

me?

- Why should I?

Okay, you know this is getting

kind of weird. So,

why don't you just tune out

everything else that you might

be perceiving in the world,

alright?

And you just focus in on me.

If you saw what he looked like,

you wouldn't be asking me

to do that.

Just, do it!

- Okay.

So, when do you you see him?

All the time.

Especially when I'm in bed

with Lola.

That's her name,

the woman I'm

having a relationship with now.

So, he shows up

when you're making love

with your female lover.

Now you're expressing your

emotions about her again

and in this very intimate

setting,

and there he is again.

Ah. She's good.

Weinstein, I know what you're

getting at.

I minored in psychology in

college

and I've analyzed enough

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