Casting Couch Page #5

I'M JUST SAYING.

THAT LAST ONE, ESPECIALLY.

SHE HAD GREAT CHEMISTRY.

MAYBE NOT WITH ME BUT, LIKE,

YOU KNOW, WITH THE WHOLE ROOM

AND WITH KATIE.

KATIE'S ACTUALLY DOING

A REALLY NICE JOB TODAY.

- OH, OH, OH,

OOH-WHOA

- AND WE'RE LUCKY

TO HAVE A COOL GIRL

LIKE HER WORKING WITH US.

- GENTLEMEN, THIS IS BRITTANY.

- SHE LOOKS FAMILIAR.

- I DON'T KNOW.

- TRUST ME, RACHEL.

ONCE YOU STICK THIS UP YOUR VAG,

YOU'LL BE HOOKED.

- OH, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M GETTING WE JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

- UM, WHAT?

- I'M IMPROVISING.

JUST KEEP GOING.

- UH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

- I BET IT IS.

IT LOOKS SO BIG AND SO HARD.

- YUP, IT'S VERY HARD.

- LIKE A ROCK.

[moans]

ROCK-HARD.

I LOVE A BIG, ROCK-HARD

FAKE PENIS IN MY HAND.

[moaning]

- WHO DOESN'T?

- PLEASE DON'T STOP.

- YOU CAN STOP NOW.

- DAMN IT!

- WELL, THAT WAS INTERESTING.

- WHAT'S ON HER RESUME?

- YEAH, I THINK

SHE'S A PORN STAR.

- I KNEW IT.

- HOW CAN YOU TELL?

- SHE WAS A LEAD

IN F*** MY BUTT 3, 4, AND 5.

- NOT EXACTLY MY TYPE.

- THIS IS MARGO.

- DOES SHE EVEN WAN TO BE HERE?

- HER BOYFRIEND IS GAY.

- WHAT?

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

I SAID, HOW DO YOU KNOW?

- THIS GIRL COULD KICK MY ASS.

- AND THIS IS ALEX.

[touching piano music]

- WOW.

- HEARD WHAT?

- HER BOYFRIEND IS GAY.

- SHUT UP.

- NO, YOU SHUT UP.

HOLY HOT GIRL!

- DAMN.

- OKAY, NOW, I CAN REALLY

SEE MYSELF:

WITH THIS GIRL.

- YEAH, THEY FRIGHTEN ME.

- SUCH A SWEETHEART.

- TOTALLY A SWEETHEART.

- WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

- ALABAMA.

- I THOUGHT I HEARD

A LITTLE TWANG IN THERE.

- YOU SURE DID.

YOU CAN'T HIDE

THAT CUTENESS ANYWHERE.

- OH, YOU BOYS ARE SO SWEET.

- AND THAT WAS A VERY NICE READ.

YOU'RE REALLY TALENTED.

- [blows raspberry]

- STOP.

Y'ALL ARE GONNA MAKE ME BLUSH.

- WELL, WE CAN'T HAVE ANY

OF THAT IN HERE,

NOW, CAN WE?

- NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

THIS IS A BLUSH-FREE ROOM.

A BLUSH-FREE ROOM?

- THE SH*T THAT FALLS OU OF THAT GUY'S MOUTH SOMETIMES,

I SWEAR.

- YOU GUYS ARE MAKING MY DAY.

I WAS HAVING:

SUCH A TERRIBLE ONE.

- OH, NO.

WHAT HAPPENED?

- OH, NO.

I AM NOT GONNA VENT TO Y'ALL.

- NO, NO, NO, NO!

DO IT!

WE LOVE VENTING.

- IGNORE HIS TONE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL US

ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO.

- WELL, I HAD TO TAKE MY DOG

TO THE VET,

AND THEN ON THE WAY THERE,

I GOT A FLAT TIRE,

AND THEN MY BOYFRIEND

BROKE UP WITH ME.

- OH, NO.

IS YOUR DOG GONNA BE OKAY?

- F*** THE DOG!

- YOU JUST BROKE UP

WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND?

- YEAH.

WELL, I SHOULD PROBABLY

GET GOING.

I'VE TAKEN UP WAY TOO MUCH

OF Y'ALL TIME.

- NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.

JUST, UH, THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR COMING,

AND I HOPE YOUR DOGGY

GETS BETTER.

- THANK YOU.

- YEAH.

- DOGGY?

MAYBE ROSS IS GAY.

- I HOPE SHE'S ALL RIGHT.

- I HOPE HER DOUCHE BAG

EX-BOYFRIEND

REALIZES WHAT HE JUST LOST.

- YEAH, I'D PROBABLY EVEN

F*** HER IN FRONT OF ROSS.

- FINALLY, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.

TIME FOR MY GIRLS.

WE'RE LOOKING TO CAST "JENNY,"

THE SMOKING SEXY BLONDE.

YOU KNOW THE TYPE:

THE ONE WHOSE LOOKS AND SMILE

DESERVE THEIR OWN

SLOW-MOTION ENTRANCE.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

THIS IS LINDSAY GRIFFIN.

- YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

- I MEAN, WOW.

- SHE IS SO HO SHE COULD BE FROM VENUS.

- HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU

YOU LOOK LIKE BARBIE?

- ALL THE TIME.

- REALLY?

- NO.

- AND PERSONALITY TOO.

I LIKE IT.

SO YOU'LL BE READING AS JENNY.

I'LL BE READING AS GEORGE.

FEEL FREE TO USE ME

AS YOUR PARTNER.

YES, THERE IS A KISS WRITTEN

INTO THIS AUDITION SCENE,

SO PUCKER UP, BABY,

AND PREPARE TO LAY ONE ON ME.

- HAS THIS GUY EVER HAD SOMEONE

TWIDDLE HIS FIDDLE?

- QUICK, LET'S HIDE IN HERE.

- THANK YOU.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.

SO WHAT ARE YOU:

MORE UPSET ABOUT,

YOUR BOYFRIEND COMING OU OF THE CLOSE

OR THE FACT THAT THERE'S

A KILLER ON THE LOOSE?

- I DON'T KNOW.

THEY'RE BOTH

PRETTY AWFUL, THOUGH.

- I THINK I SAVED YOU

JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME.

- YOU DID.

I WAS DEFINITELY A GONER.

- I'VE NEVER SAVED

ANYONE'S LIFE BEFORE.

- I GUESS I'M JUS A LUCKY GIRL.

- I FEEL LUCKY

HAVING SAVED YOU.

- I GUESS WE'RE JUST BOTH LUCKY.

- YEAH, LUCKY.

- THANKS, GUYS.

- [laughs]

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

[all laugh]

- AND WE EVEN WROTE IT IN.

- BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, BUDDY.

- LISTEN HERE,

I'M GLAD TO BE ALONE

TO BE ALONE:

LISTEN HERE,

I'M GLAD TO BE ALONE

- YOU'VE GO TO BE F***ING KIDDING ME.

[both laugh]

I MEAN, AM I NOT AS ATTRACTIVE

AS I THINK I AM?

- NOPE.

- DON'T WORRY, DUDE.

THERE'S A LOT MORE COMING IN.

- I JUST DON'T GET WHY I--

- CALM DOWN, PIP-SQUEAK.

I'LL SOLVE YOUR LITTLE DILEMMA.

HE'S GONNA OWE ME.

HI, AND YOU ARE...

- KRISTIN.

- KRISTIN.

I'M THE DIRECTOR.

NOW, I'M GONNA BE HONES WITH YOU.

I'M JUST NOT FEELING THE PASSION

FROM ANY OF THE JENNYS YET,

SO THAT I'M GONNA

REALLY NEED YOU TO DO IS,

REALLY GET INTO THIS CHARACTER

FOR ME, OKAY?

CAN YOU DO THAT?

- YOU GOT IT, DUDE.

- GREAT.

YOU'LL BE READING

WITH JUSTIN HERE.

OWE ME BIG, HE WILL.

- I GUESS I'M JUST A LUCKY GIRL.

- I FEEL LUCKY

THAT I GOT TO SAVE YOU.

- I GUESS WE'RE BOTH

JUST LUCKY.

- YEAH.

LUCKY.

- YEAH.

- I DON'T DO NOTHING

FOR NOTHING.

NICE JOB.

- THANKS.

- HEY, I GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU.

- SURE.

- WOULD YOU BE WILLING

TO DO NUDITY?

- IT DIDN'T SAY

THERE'D BE NUDITY

IN THE CASTING.

- WELL, YEAH, I KNOW,

BUT YOU JUST SEEM

LIKE THE KIND OF CHICK

THAT WOULD.

- SERIOUSLY?

- [sighs]

- WHAT THE F***, MAN?

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

CALM DOWN, DUDE, ALL RIGHT?

I'VE BEEN TO LOTS

OF CASTINGS BEFORE.

I WAS GONNA GET HER

TO TAKE HER TOP OFF FOR YOU.

- AND THAT'S THE LAST TIME

WE LET CHASE ASK QUESTIONS.

- AT LEAST I HAD PARKER

ON MY SIDE FOR THE REST.

HOPE I DON'T OWE HIM ANYTHING.

[pop punk music]

OH, I'VE NEVER KNOWN

JUST WHAT IT MEANS

TO BE ALONE:

- WOW.

THAT WAS A REALLY GREAT SCENE.

- I KNOW.

I GOT REALLY INTO IT.

- HOW WAS IT, GUYS?

DID IT LOOK AS GOOD AS IT FELT?

- YEAH, LIKE A SCENE

STRAIGHT OUT OF THE NOTEBOOK.

- I LOVE THAT MOVIE.

- WHO DOESN'T?

- I DON'T.

- WELL, REALLY GREA WORKING WITH YOU, SUMMER.

- THANKS.

YOU TOO.

BYE, BOYS.

- DECISIONS, DECISIONS,

DECISIONS.

GETTING PRETTY DAMN GOOD

AT THIS CHARACTER TOO.

YOU KNOW, THIS

BLOODY SLUMBER PARTY IDEA

IS REALLY STARTING

TO GROW ON ME.

- ALL RIGHT.

UP NEXT, JORDAN?

- OOPS.

- GUYS, THIS IS JORDAN HOLLIDAY.

- WHAT THE F***

IS SHE DOING HERE?

- WE CALLED IN

CHASE'S EX-GIRLFRIEND.

- SHE'S NOT AUDITIONING.

GET HER OUT OF HERE!

- REALLY, CHASE?

THEY SHOULD CAST ME IN THIS.

I'M THE BIGGEST NAME

THEY'RE GONNA GET.

- KATIE, PLEASE ESCOR THAT B*TCH OUT OF HERE.

- MAN, YOU ARE SUCH A BOY.

- KATIE DID SOME

OF THE CASTING E-MAILS.

I HONESTLY DIDN' SEE THAT ONE COMING.

- HE SAID IT WAS THE BEST SEX

HE EVER HAD?

MM.

[chuckles]

- WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE

WAS THAT?

- DUDE, WASN'T ON PURPOSE.

- KIND OF FUNNY, THOUGH.

- NO, MAN, THAT SUCKS.

- ACTUALLY, IT'S A GOOD THING.

- HOW THE F***

IS THAT A GOOD THING?

- BECAUSE SHE SAW

ALL THESE HOT GIRLS

COMING IN AND OUT OF HERE.

YOU CAN USE I TO MAKE HER JEALOUS.

TALKING OUT OF MY ASS,

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