Cavemen Page #5

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Oh, yeah. I like her, too.

I do. But do I like her?

And if I do like her, is it

because I really like her

or because I'm just trying

to write my script?

Wow. Am I that shallow?

Maybe I am, but I kissed her.

And I liked it.

So I must like her, right?

I like her.

Yeah, that's good.

I like her too.

You should tell her you like her.

Really? You think

that's a good idea?

Duh.

Oh, hey.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

Where're you going?

Yeah, it's empty in there.

I got off early.

Oh, okay. Can I talk

to you for a sec?

Look, can you talk to me

while I'm walking to my car?

It's actually kinda complicated.

Okay, um, then how about

I'll call you when I have

a second to actually talk.

That okay?

- Uh yeah. Okay.

- All right?

Okay. Talk to you later. Bye.

Feel you creepin' in

Breakin' my heart again

I don't know who I've been

Feels like I'm losing it

Oh, oh, oh

Sh*t.

Hey, Tess! Tess! Hey! Hey!

You can have Los Angeles,

Just give me back my girl

Feels like I'm losing you

Like I'm being torn in two

After all that

we've been through

Is there nothing

that I could do

Oh, oh, oh

You can have Los Angeles

Tess! Wait! Wait! Wait!

Hey! Hey! Tess!

Dammit!

Just give me back my girl

Hey, can you follow

that car, please?

Give me back my girl

You can have the basin

Just give me back my girl

Hey, my man. Get out here?

Oh, uh. No It's actually just

a couple more blocks up.

Hello and welcome back

to Here Comes the Bride.

Yes, it's the big one.

- You're home?

- Yeah. Keen observation.

No, I just thought.

I don't know. You'd be out.

So what are you guys up to?

We just came from having

cocktails, which reminds me.

Gotta take a leak, if

you pardon my French.

Didn't know you were bilingual.

I have many talents, lady.

Who will be the lucky

man to marry her?

And whisk her away to Cabo

for a one week honeymoon?

It's our show.

Yeah, our show.

So what'd you want

to talk to me about?

What do you mean?

Earlier you wanted to talk to me.

Oh, right. Yeah. I uh...

have you ever worked

behind the bar before?

Few times. Why?

I was just wandering if you

could take one of my shifts.

I'm like, totally overloaded

with this whole writing thing

Really? That's it?

Yeah.

Uh huh. Okay.

I'll talk to Sid and see if

everything's okay with that.

I'm sure it will be fine.

- Great.

- Great.

Great.

So what do you think?

About what?

We just had our first date.

No way! You two?

Yes, and it went

quite well, I think.

Yeah, you got my attention.

Hmm. So? How about it?

My two best friends

getting together?

What more could a guy ask for?

Beautiful!

Great.

Totally.

So...

don't you have that thing tonight?

Right. Yes. My thing.

That thing. I gotta...

Hey, you don't wanna be late.

Yeah, I will see you guys,

I'll catch up with you...

Yeah. Good luck with that.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, good luck.

Remember that Latino

girl I used to date?

- You mean Alicia?

- Yeah. That's the one.

You know, I took her to one

of those rooftop joints once?

Yeah man. Did the three D's:

drinks, dinner, dancing.

That kind of thing.

Anyway, picture this:

midnight rolls along and we

stroll out onto the deck

and there was this gigantic

moon that just sort of

hung right over the city,

lit up the entire sky.

And there was this gentle breeze that

kept lifting her hair. It was perfect.

This is perfect.

And let me guess? She

gave you the old blow job

right then and there on the deck?

No, man.

It wasn't about that.

It was just a moment.

You know? A perfect moment.

Everything about the evening,

everything around us

was perfect. I knew it.

She knew it. And at that

moment, just for one moment,

I thought I loved her.

Did you tell her this?

Nah. Nah. Nah.

I didn't tell her.

- Why not?

- I couldn't.

Because the moment passed

as quickly as it came

and I realized I don't love the girl.

I love the moment.

See for me, it was

always about the moment.

Well, until I met Anna.

Do you not have perfect

moments with Anna?

Nah. See with Anna, I never even

thought about perfect moments.

Never even tried to look for 'em.

Then I got to thinking about

that and I realized that

every moment I had

with Anna was perfect

because I loved her

and I realized that love is the

perfect moment that never ends.

So why aren't you

with her now, man?

Ah, she's in, she's in, she's

in New York and I moved to LA.

Yeah, but your perfect

moment... it's out there.

It's waiting on you, kid.

Yeah.

Good cop, bad cop.

Who's the good cop?

You are, kid.

What's up?

Yeah. You.

Look, I'm just gonna come

right out and say it,

you are one sexy biznitch.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, is everything okay here?

Yeah, just talking

to the lady, yo.

Is this guy bothering you?

Hey! Don't make me get

rough with you, buddy.

Listen, mother f***er.

If I have to...

I get it.

Good cop. Bad cop.

Oh. Wha...

Thank you.

Yeah, I will see you at home.

Wow. I am so embarrassed.

And I'm Kat.

I don't know. I just feel

really comfortable around you,

like already. Like I could

just tell you anything.

So I'm just going to

come right out with it.

I sort of went through

this experimental phase.

What? Like a drug thing?

No, like a sex thing.

Oh, like you had a lot of sex?

Uh, mostly submissive

masochistic stuff.

You know, like spankings,

whippings, little bondage.

It was, it was just

this really crazy phase

that I went through

not that long ago.

Oh God. Is this too much

for you? I'm sorry,

I always do this. I always

reveal too much too soon.

No. No. No. No.

I totally get it.

It's like, how much are

you willing to reveal?

And how soon do you

finally reveal yourself?

Like how long do you have to

play the part of the person

And when do you finally

settle into playing the part

of the person who you really are.

I like that.

No.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna ride you.

Can I just say something?

No.

Uh, I like you.

I mean, I don't want you

to think I'm like psycho

or anything, but I can tell

that there's something here.

You know? And of course I wanna do

what I think we're gonna do, but...

if we do do it...

Quit talking.

Okay. If we do do it.

Will there even be

a date number two?

I don't know. Do we call

this date number one?

I don't know what do you think?

I mean, what do you,

what do you think?

Kat?

Who the f*** are you?

I'm Dean.

Remember?

From last night?

Are you receding?

"Didn't want to wake you up.

Make sure to lock the door

when you leave. Kat."

No. No. No.

F***ing no.

What? What's wrong?

It's just that Jake seems self-indulgent

and I'm not buying his new relationship

Really? Because I feel

like it's going...

Why not have Jake

take his own life?

Excuse me?

Yeah!

Have him blow is brains out.

Yeah, or jump off a tall building.

I've got it. Suicide, man!

I love it.

Never really ever does

ever fall in love.

Instead his journey

is to come to terms

with his wretched

inescapable loneliness

which in turn leads to his suicide,

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