Ceremony Page #5

am I the predator,

or am I the prey?

Being here,

I see a pure way of living.

America seems to me

so very far away...

a vile, putrid place

that I never want to see again.

All right, now, guys,

this is just a rough cut,

but I just thought that, since

I had you all together in one place,

I could get your notes

and help raise a bit of awareness

in the process.

You know, and that's why

I've got some questionnaires

for everyone to fill out afterwards.

Completely optional, of course.

I just want to stay here

and hold you forever.

Who is that woman?

That's my wife.

So she is.

Right.

- Be right back.

- Right, right.

My friend the chief has just

offered me 30 head of cattle.

Lean, darling.

You're blocking the most brilliant...

hat's a lot of cows.

What the...?!

What the hell's

the matter with you?!

Have you gone out of your mind?!

Maybe.

That stays on.

I've never been slapped before.

That hurt, kind of.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean

to do it quite so hard.

Well, you did.

What happened to your mustache?

- I shaved it off.

- Why?

'Cause you told me to.

What are you still doing here?

The whole reason

I wrote you the postcard

was to avoid this from happening.

You know, well, maybe you shouldn't

send postcards to people

to notify them of heartbreaking news.

What exactly is your objective?

It seems like I'm in the process

of winning you back.

No! I am getting married

in two days.

I am engaged.

I've always been engaged.

I never thought you were actually

gonna go through with it.

What happened

to our weekend in the city?

We were supposed to be alone

together. What happened?

Whit thought it would be nice

to just schedule our wedding

while he already had everyone here

for his birthday weekend.

Hold on. Nothing about

that statement seems odd to you?

Didn't you read anything I wrote?

You know what? I can't believe

you're actually considering this guy

as a serious option for you.

He's screening his movie

at his wedding reception?

What kind of man

are we dealing with here?

Shh!

You are being childish.

So are you.

Sam, please, save yourself

the heartache and go home.

No.

No. If you refuse

not to complicate my life,

the least you can do is introduce

yourself to one of my bridesmaids.

I'm sure they're just as desperate

as you to get their rocks off.

I meant that in the least

offensive way possible.

And, Sam,

stop standing on your toes.

I like you the way you were.

- Sammy!

- Hey, guys.

Hey, how you feeling, pal?

I feel fine.

Feel invigorated, actually.

Let's put a tiara on Sam.

Thank you.

You want some pills

to go with that tiara, Princess?

- I'd love some.

- Yes, you do.

We convinced this old boy

to partake with us.

He's a marathon boy.

My heart feels like it's metal.

It's nice to see you loosening up

a little bit there, pal.

Do it, do it, do it!

- All right, I'll show you, okay.

But I want to see every one of you

out there dancing later.

Ready? Come on.

Ready? Two, three, four.

I'll take one less than he's had.

Help yourself, man.

On the house.

Drink lots of water.

It really helps.

Does it make you forget

about things or what?

They'll bring you up,

and they'll take you down.

Pow.

See you next week, boy.

Sept cent millions de chinois

I feel amazing.

I feel like my body's

being born again.

Marshall, what the hell

happened to your shoes?

I don't know. I don't know.

Teddy took my shoes.

I don't know.

I don't know why he took my shoes,

but he took my shoes.

Marshall, you're breathing

all over me.

I know.

C'est la vie, c'est la vie

I actually...

I've actually had a tapeworm.

I have.

Ask me how I got rid of it.

How did you get rid of it?

I fasted for three days,

and then I stuck a ham sandwich

between my legs.

So I did it for a week, I did this,

and I still had the tapeworm,

and it was causing a lot...

I wonder what the quickest way

possible is

to get another cigarette

in my mouth.

That's the ticket.

Ahoy, marshmallow!

- Oh. Hi.

- Come here.

- Your body is terrific.

- I like your suit.

You're so sweaty.

J'y pense et puis j'oublie

C'est la vie, c'est la vie

Trois cent millions de sovitiques

Naughty.

You've been a naughty boy.

- You're bad.

- I know.

Ow. Don't hit me.

Behave.

Why are you hitting me?

Just touch me.

Ow!

Stop it.

C'est la vie, c'est la vie

Cinquante millions

de gens imparfaits

Et moi, et moi, et moi

Qui regardent Catherine Langeais

la tlvision chez moi

J'y pense et puis j'oublie

C'est la vie, c'est la vie

Neuf cent millions

de crve la faim

Et moi, et moi, et moi

Avec mon rgime vgtarien

Et tout le whisky que je m'envoi

J'y pense et puis j'oublie

- Hi.

- Hi.

You seem like trouble.

I'd like to get into some trouble.

How old are you?

How old do I look?

I think I'm a little old for you.

Well, I may be young,

but I wasn't born yesterday.

I don't... I don't...

I don't understand

what you're trying to say.

Honestly, I took a pill,

and I've been blacking out ever since.

Quick, make-believe

I said something really funny.

Mmm. Funny.

Why?

I don't know.

I-I like you.

C'est la vie, c'est la vie...

Ah...

Come on. Try it.

Oh!

You, uh... you remind me

of someone,

and I really like it.

It's crazy out there, you know.

It's like, one minute you're just

walking down the street

minding your own business,

and then, all of a sudden,

there's a psychopath in a jumpsuit

asking you for the time.

And then I'm waking up

in a hospital bed in Lenox Hill

with blood all over my sport coat.

Mmm.

What? No, I mean it.

You want to put

your glasses on me?

Mm-hmm.

- You find me attractive like that?

- Mm-hmm.

Want to make out?

Okay.

Really?

Oh, darling

Make it go

Make it go away...

You have a beautiful face.

I think it'd be time for us to kiss now.

Hello, darling. Bedtime.

Oh, no, we were in the middle

of a conversation.

Hey. Uh... oh, hi.

Have you guys seen my shoes?

I have... I have these loafers.

They're...

Uh...

Okay, uh...

Hi. Hey. Um, do you have...?

Uh, do you know

where I can find my shoes?

Teddy, Teddy, I need my shoes.

Pow, pow, pow.

Your shoes are mine, boy!

Okay. Uh... my room is this way.

Oh, hello.

Is this where you dwell?

Okay, it's hot.

Oh, that's better.

- Am I gonna die?

- No, pal.

Here, have some cheese plate.

It'll slow your heart down.

Come on.

Get some food in your little tummy.

So, how'd it go with your lady?

Who, Margaret?

Went well, actually.

We had sex...

twice, back-to-back.

- In a row?

- Mm-hmm.

What's it like... to screw on pills?

What do you say you and I forget

about the pills from now on, huh?

We don't need them.

How'd it go with your girl?

Not that good.

I walked in on the blond maid

in the closet crying.

And Esme... she's got, like,

some sort of husband

or something, apparently.

Don't you worry, pal.

You reacted perfectly.

You're so much better than her,

it kills me.

You kill me.

Why do you think she's with him?

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