Chaos Theory Page #3

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- Ha-ha-ha. Right?

Would you mind terribly

if I use the bathroom in your room?

You're funny.

Mm, mm, mm.

- Oops.

- Check, please.

Frank?

- Yo.

You know when you said that you

imagined everyone in the audience naked?

Oh, what's this?

Does that mean

that you imagined me naked?

Yeah, married.

Uh, going on eight years now. Yeah.

How did I look?

Uh, just one. Jesse, she's, uh, great.

We're talking about another one

though, so... Whoo.

- This good?

- Hoo.

Uh, wow. I'm gonna

have some juice or something.

I made my daily goal list for today.

- It's very specific.

- Yeah. Well, specific...

Because it's chaos out there

and you conquer it...

...by setting priorities and taking control.

Well, these aren't

instant gratification priorities...

Yeah. We, uh... There's a system to it.

Oh, I'm gonna get that.

Yep, yep, yep. Let me get that.

- Hello?

- Hey.

Hey.

I'm sorry about this morning.

How did the talk go?

Oh, uh, score one for the good guys.

I aced it.

What was that?

Uh, nothing.

I think, uh, I have no idea. So...

- Are you all right?

- I'm fine, baby.

I'm just so exhausted right now...

...and I love you, and I'm gonna

see you tomorrow, okay? All right?

- Okay, okay.

- Love you too.

You should've seen your face.

The way you squirmed,

like a squashed little snake.

- I love married men.

- Oh, my God.

Come here. How about

the five more minutes of efficiency?

I don't feel well. I have a wife and a kid.

I gotta go home.

Relax. It's too late to go anywhere.

You missed the last ferry.

- I'll drive around the peninsula, it's fine.

- Well, that would take forever.

- A waste of time.

- Yeah.

Remember that the relationship

between time and you...

...is always one of master and slave.

- Watch it, watch it, watch it.

Look, I'm really, really sorry

about this, okay?

Use the room as long as you want.

Nothing personal. Honest.

I love my wife.

Jerk.

Hello?

- Hello?

- Hello?

You're probably looking for Frank.

He just left on a mission

of great secrecy. Sorry.

Pick a lane. God.

Oh!

- Oh, God.

- Aargh!

Are you okay? Are you okay?

- Aah!

Can you unlock the door? Can you...?

Okay, what's wrong? Is it your head?

You hit your head?

What's wrong with your stomach?

There's something...

You're having a baby!

Fifteen minutes. We're gonna be there.

We're gonna be at the hospital

in 15 minutes! Just hang in there.

- I'm Frank Allen. What's your name?

- Nancy.

Nancy. Okay, Nancy. You're doing great.

Just keep breathing, okay?

Breathe in, out, in, just think about

how happy this child's gonna make you.

I don't... I don't want it.

Well, my thought is

that you're gonna have it.

- So you know, just in, out.

- You know what?

- Breathe in.

- I want you to have it. You take it.

That's very generous of you,

but no, thank you.

No, thank you... Okay, just hold it.

Hold it!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Just, come on, we're almost there.

Oh, God! That's it, just keep breathing.

Just...

Oh, it's just leaking everywhere.

Okay. Just breathe.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

I'm gonna need some information.

- Information on you and your wife.

- No, she's not my wife.

- Well, fill out what you can.

- Okay. Lightheaded here.

- Hello?

- Good day.

- May I speak with Mr. Allen, please?

- No, Mr. Allen isn't home.

Do you know where he is?

It's very important.

No, I don't.

It seems that Mrs. Allen

is no longer on the hospital premises.

I'm Mrs. Allen.

Mrs. Allen. You're in no condition

to have left the hospital.

Post-childbirth

can be a very serious condition.

Post what?

- Your baby needs you.

- What baby?

Do I have the right Allen?

I'm... I'm sorry. Who are you looking for?

Frank Allen of 17 River Drive.

Hello?

Mrs. Allen? Hello?

- Get out.

- What?

- I said, get out.

- Why? What'd I do?

- No, don't give me that. See, I know.

- I have no idea what you're talking about.

- You're a liar.

- Okay...

- You're a liar!

- Aah! Ooh!

God! Okay, okay, listen, listen, listen,

I made a small mistake.

- Oh, God!

- Wait! Susan!

I didn't do anything really wrong!

It was a professional flirtation!

Is this what you've been getting up to

all these dumb business trips of yours?

She was a nobody!

Yelling! Yelling! Yelling!

Okay!

- Oh, God!

All right, there was a small

chaste-like kiss, more of a peck.

- I've been up the whole night.

- There was some tongue, not my tongue.

- You've been boning some woman?

- You called, and it was over.

- Nothing happened!

- How can you call a baby nothing?

- What baby?

- The baby at the hospital!

- Oh, that baby.

- Get out of my house!

- F*** off!

- I deny everything, Susan! Susan? l...

This is absurd. You're a hospital.

How could you treat somebody...

...and not know who she is?

We occasionally treat the patient before

obtaining their social security number.

- And then you let them escape.

- Mr. Allen, this is a hospital, not a prison.

We don't expect mothers

to desert their babies.

Okay, okay, okay, I'm sorry.

You're absolutely right.

Can you call my wife?

Explain the misunderstanding...

...and I'll be on my way.

- And tell her what?

- Well, that the baby's not mine.

- That I only met the mother last night.

- I don't know that, Mr. Allen.

Well, it's true.

I drove them here, and that's it.

Save it for your wife.

Here's what Susan dropped off for you.

Uh, what do you think I should do?

Well, are you asking me as your friend

or your lawyer?

Friend.

- Talk. Just talk to her. Be honest.

- I've tried. I'm trying.

She won't talk to me until I prove

it's not my child. This is ridiculous.

You don't remember the last name?

- No.

- No make on the car?

No, it was dark.

As your lawyer, if there's anything

you wanna tell me...

...you know I'm sworn

to hold it private and confidential.

I didn't know her, Damon!

Well. Without the mother's consent

you're gonna have to get a court order...

...for a DNA sample from the baby

for a test.

- How long?

- Four months minimum.

Oh, God.

Look, stop worrying.

If what you say is true, there's no way

the mother, the hospital or the queen...

...could prove that child's yours

in a court of law.

I'm not worried about a court of law.

I'm worried about the court of Susan.

Susan, I demand that you listen to me.

I refuse to be hung...

Honey, I'm begging you.

l...

Monster, I love you. l...

I love you too, Frank.

- Ken?

What are you doing over there?

Where's Susan?

She doesn't want to talk to you.

- Put her on.

- Frank, she went to the hospital.

You're on the form as the father.

- That's not true. Ahem.

- Whatever you say.

I believe you.

You just need to give Susan

a little more time for your sake, okay?

All right.

Hang in there, Frank.

Yeah.

You should be aware that results

are rarely couched in yes-no responses.

It just doesn't have the exactitude

of DNA testing.

The best is usually a statistical probability

with a significant margin of error.

When can I expect results?

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