Charlie Bartlett Page #3

got you placed on the remedial track

and your teachers are really good

at making you feel like an idiot.

Maybe it's none of these things.

Maybe it's all of them.

-What do you want from me?

-I wanna be your friend, Murphy.

Okay, maybe you're not a total tool,

but guys like you and guys like me

can't be friends.

-Why's that?

-I take the train tracks home.

-You drive around in a limo.

-I guess you're right.

Look, I got 90 pills of Ritalin

that we could sell at the dance.

Maybe we're just gonna have to

settle for being business partners.

What do these do?

Floods the brain

with norepinephrine and dopamine.

It gets you high.

So, I figure $10 a pill, right?

We split the profit,

which means you make almost 500 bucks

without spending a nickel.

Business partners, huh?

SUSAN:
So, 1 :00, right?

What? What happens at 1 :00?

-My curfew, at 1 :00.

-Where are you going?

The dance, Dad. I'm going to the dance.

I told you last week.

-Have you given up your singing?

-No. Why?

I don't know, just...

You've got a great voice.

I used to love coming home

to hear you singing in the other room.

(PHONE BUZZlNG)

That's how I knew

you were happy, I guess.

Happily texting,

ignoring this intimate exchange.

Who's that? Who are you texting?

Rodine's outside.

Have fun.

-I will. So, 2:
00, right?

-Nice try.

God, I liked you better

when you were a history teacher.

That makes two of us.

-I'll see you guys in a minute.

-Okay.

-Hey, Susan.

-Hey.

So, you think there's any chance

of a dance tonight, or...

(CHUCKLES)

I'd say there's a distinct possibility,

Charlie Bartlett.

Hey.

-So, how did we do?

-Well, it's gone.

-Gone?

-All of it. Every last pill.

It's gone.

-Well, sh*t.

-Yeah.

(GlRLS GlGGLlNG)

Superman!

Eighty-eight miles per hour!

(UPBEA TMUSlC BLARlNG)

F***ing A!

(HONKlNG)

Hey, Charlie. What's up, man?

God damn right, it's a beautiful day

Uh-huh

God damn right, it's a beautiful day

Uh-huh

Hey, man.

Uh-huh

God damn right, it's a beautiful day

Uh-huh

(FOCUSlNG)

(ALL PROTESTlNG)

-This sucks.

-Seriously sucks.

Thank you.

Charlie, you want to sign this petition?

It's to get the security cameras

out of our student lounge.

Oh, absolutely.

-It's right here.

-All right.

-Thanks.

-No problem.

See you later, Charlie.

-Hey, girls. You gonna sign this?

-GlRL:
Yeah.

(HUMMlNG)

Hi.

-You're Charlie Bartlett, right?

-Yeah.

I'm Kip. Kip Crombwell.

Nice to meet you, Kip.

Yeah.

Do you think there's any way

that we could maybe talk in private?

Sure.

HENRY:
Everyone, come on, this petition

gets those cameras out of our lounge.

So, what's up?

Is it true that you can get a hold

of medication?

Yeah, I guess. Why? What's going on?

I'm, like, totally depressed.

I've been having these spells,

and trouble breathing,

mostly in class.

What does it feel like?

It feels like a heart attack.

But I'm thinking, you know,

it's probably mental.

And I can't go to my parents about it,

because they already think I'm a freak,

so I just thought that you...

Look, I'm not a doctor, but...

I don't know if Ritalin's gonna help you.

Do you know what would?

I'm not sure.

But I'm gonna find out.

I'm gonna work this out, I promise.

Yeah.

Thanks.

I get short of breath and dizzy,

you know, nausea, blurred vision.

I mean, sometimes it feels like

a heart attack.

Yeah, we call that a panic attack.

Oh, is that what they call it?

Well, what can we do?

Well, I think maybe

I'll put you on a low dose of

Xanax and Zoloft.

Okay, so, here's the thing.

In everything that I've read,

there's not one case of anyone dying

of a panic attack.

-No?

-No. Not one.

So the next time you start to feel anxious,

you just tell yourself,

"Hey, I'm having a panic attack.

I'm not gonna die.

"ln fact, in 15 minutes,

I'll probably feel fine."

What do I do until then?

CHARLlE:
Murph, start him on

and half a milligram of Xanax as needed.

Here, Kip, this should provide you

with some relief

and we'll just meet next week,

same time, same place, okay?

(BELL RlNGlNG)

-Thank you, Charlie.

-No problem. Be nice, Murphy.

Charlie, I spoke to Dr. Weathers today.

He said you may have not only ADD,

but a whole battery

of psychological disorders

that will likely plague you for life.

(SCOFFS)

Sounds a bit melodramatic,

don't you think?

That's what I said.

Then he went on to imply that

you may have inherited it from me.

I was rather perturbed.

I mean, look at me.

I'm as fit as a f***ing fiddle.

Can't argue with that.

Are you making any friends at all?

Working on it.

He says he doesn't want to see me.

I can't stop crying.

Well, sometimes people say one thing

and they really mean another, like...

He called me a loser,

and last night he hit my mom.

You have to understand that

what he's doing isn't because of you.

He hates his life so much that...

All I wanna do is drop acid.

I just can't handle this place.

Duh, dude. This place sucks.

But I just worry that one day

we're gonna look back at high school

and wish we'd done something different.

So maybe you should...

Get breast implants.

I mean, a lot of my friends

are getting them.

Well, that's up to you,

but speaking as a guy,

it's kind of a turnoff when a girl

isn't cool with being herself.

I'm not saying that I'm gay.

So what if, you know,

I'm not attracted to girls?

You know, this sucks, man.

Well, at least you're attracted

to somebody.

I mean, if you weren't,

then we'd really be up sh*t's creek.

I feel very productive,

and I can't sleep at all.

I lose weight,

and I'm given to frivolous spending

and promiscuity.

Wow. What I'd like to do is...

Introduce you to some of

the serotonergic antidepressants,

Iike Prozac.

What else can you tell me about...

Feelings of depersonalization

and boredom.

Anger and aggression. Irritability.

Obsessive behavior is I guess

what you guys call it.

Like, whenever I hear anyone say a word

that starts with the letter...

I have to say five words that start

with the letter "V"

and tap my head with my right hand.

Perhaps we should start with...

Viagra! Virgin! Venal! Vagabond! Vagina!

Ain't I clean, bad machine

super cool, super mean

Feelin ' good for the man

Superfly, here I stand

Secret stash, heavy bread

-Thanks.

-No problem.

You're in luck.

We're running a special

on Wellbutrin today.

(PlLLS RATTLlNG)

I'm your pusherman

Heavy mind

Have you signed?

Is there something wrong

with the other bathroom?

Yo!

Ghetto prince is my thing

Makin'love's how I swing

I'm your pusherman

I'm your pusherman

GlRL:
Hi, Charlie!

-Hi, Charlie!

-Hi, Charlie!

Hi.

I'm so glad to hear

that you're doing better, Charlie.

The truth is, we sometimes don't know

how you youngsters

are gonna react to these medications.

Trust me, Doc, bringing psychiatric

drugs and teenagers together

is like opening a lemonade stand

in the desert.

(CLANGlNG)

Can you shut the f*** up for one second?

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes