City Slickers Page #3

If hate were people, I'd be China.

Let's bring out the cake.

Good party.

Mitch.

Is that what you've been trying

to tell me? That you feel like Phil?

- Like Phil?

- Am I gonna be sittin' here some night...

...and some checkout girl

comes here looking for you?

No, no, of course not.

I know you're not happy here.

You're not happy at work.

I know how men think.

"I'm not happy here. I'm not

happy there. I'll be happy... here."

No.

You make me happy... here.

No.

- No, I make you feel trapped.

- No, you don't. It's not you.

How do you think that makes me

feel when I hear you say that?

I didn't mean you.

It's me.

I... I just feel lost.

Kim was telling me

about this cattle drive thing.

Oh.

- Maybe you should go.

- What about Florida?

You'll be miserable in Florida.

You'll make me miserable.

- You hate my parents.

- I don't hate them.

Come on, you have known my father

since you were 18 years old...

...and you've never

called him by his name.

What is his name?

It's a joke.

I was just joking.

Look, I said I'm gonna go

and I'm gonna go.

You don't understand what I'm saying.

I'm not saying it's all right

if you don't wanna come with us.

I'm saying I don't want you to come.

Go away with Ed.

Take Phil.

I am giving you these two weeks.

It's my present.

Go and find your smile.

What if I can't?

We'll jump off that bridge

when we come to it.

My ass hurts just watching this.

Are you kidding?

This is fantastic!

- I wonder if I could do that to Arlene?

- Forget about it already.

I could do it.

You've seen her ears.

- They must be the guests.

- I wish you hadn't worn this jacket.

- Why not?

- It's got your name and your picture on it.

- It's a little grotesque.

- I'm proud of what I do.

So's the president.

He doesn't wear his picture.

- Hi. You guys guests here?

- Yeah. We just got in. I'm Mitch Robbins.

- Ed Furillo. I sell sporting goods.

- Show him your jacket.

I'm Phil Berquist.

I committed adultery.

Lost my job and my family.

- His jacket's being made.

- Oh, yeah.

I'm Ben Jessup and this

is my son, Steve Jessup.

- Where you from?

- Baltimore.

- We have a dental practice there.

- You're both dentists?

Yes. We're black and we're dentists.

Let's not make an issue out of it.

They're not making an issue.

You're making an issue.

- Hi.

- Hello.

- Isn't this great?

- We're Ira and Barry Shalowitz.

- Ira and Barry, that's like the ice cream.

- No, that's us.

- We make Ira and Barry's ice cream.

- Really? I love that ice cream.

But on the commercials, it's

a different Ira and Barry. It's two...

- Good-looking guys.

- Models.

If it was us, could you eat?

Who is that?

Hi.

I'm Bonnie Rayburn.

Actually, I was supposed to meet

somebody here...

...but I got the message at the airport

that she's not coming and...

...I feel really out of place.

I'm thinking of leaving.

No, no, stay.

When I was alive,

I would have found her attractive.

Howdy.

I'm Clay Stone

and this is my wife, Millie.

- How do.

- Howdy.

Welcome to the Stone ranch. Believe it

or not, that work you saw a while ago...

...y'all are gonna be doin' that

next two weeks.

Yahoo!

- That's a good "yahoo", son.

- Thank you.

This ranch has been in my family

for five generations.

We've always tried to live here

by the code of the Old West.

If you thought this was a dude ranch,

I hate to disappoint you.

This is not pretend.

This is a real working ranch.

We've gotta move these animals

from here to our ranch in Colorado.

- This is gonna be great.

- You may feel like bunch of pigs

on roller skates for a while...

...but we're gonna be watching you.

We're gonna see how you sit a horse.

And in a few days, you'll be rounding up

a herd and goin' after strays.

And you're gonna be in some country

that's just as pretty as heaven.

Here's some folks you'll be

working with. This is TR and Jeff.

They're professional cowboys. Our trail

boss will be in in a couple of days.

This is the best Western chef going.

Cookie!

Tell'em what they're gonna eat.

You ain't gonna be gettin'

no nouveau almondine thin crust...

...bottled water, sauteed city food.

Food's brown, hot-and plenty of it.

It's not that bad! Now, we're gonna go

to work in the morning. And I mean work.

You came out here city slickers.

You're gonna go home cowboys.

- What do you think?

- You look like one of the Village People.

I'll take that shirt too.

Excuse me. Here, boy.

Here, boy!

Hey! You did it again!

Boy, you're gettin' great.

See?

There's nothin' too hard.

OK. Good.

You'll do it this time.

That's it.

Wrist, wrist, wrist, go.

- Will you stop kidding around?

- I'm not kidding around.

I'm not good with ropes. I can't even

take the string off a bakery box.

- This time, run!

- OK.

Woo-hoo!

Whoa!

- Everyone can do it but you. It's embrrassing.

- It's not a competition, Ed.

Everything's a competition.

Life's a competition.

Come on, try it again.

- How's it goin'?

- OK. Where have you been?

Oh, I was watching 'em castrate a horse.

Well, I'm hungry.

How about you, hm?

- Can I help you with that?

- No, thanks. I think I'm getting it.

Are you?

Are you gettin' it?

- See what's going on?

- I'll take the big one.

Wait, wait a second.

We are guests here.

- Are you gonna wrestle the cowboys?

- I'm not gonna do nothing.

Wait, wait. Hey.

Let me handle this, OK?

You know how you get.

It'll be High Noon.

Come on.

Let me help you out.

Look, just leave me alone.

I can't, you see.

I'm in love.

Hi, boys.

How are you?

I was just ropin' over there.

Thought I'd mosey on over.

You know, I've never moseyed before.

Hope I did it correctly.

I've walked, I've ambled.

I even sashayed once.

But that was in front of the draft board.

Hello!

Rough corral.

- Bonnie, wanna rope with us?

- It's all right.

- I think that Bonnie's talking with us.

- She's fine right here.

Guys, what are you doing? This isn't

exactly '90s behaviour, I gotta be honest.

- You stepped on my foot.

- He did not, you horse's ass.

- Ed.

- You want a piece o' this?

- Any time, Zeke.

- How about right now, Stubby?

Fine.

- This man owes you an apology.

- I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything.

- Not you. Him.

- Him. Of course.

No.

God, I'm sorry, ma'am.

That'll never happen again.

Yes, see that it doesn't.

I'm sorry, I thought

we were on the same...

You're doing fine.

You guys were drinking.

Don't let it happen again.

Ma'am.

Did you see that guy?

That is the toughest man

I've ever seen in my life.

Did you see how leathery he was?

He was like a saddlebag with eyes.

Listen, it took a lot of courage

to do what you did. Thank you.

I'm married.

You're wrong, Ed. I'm tellin' you.

It was not a stupid thing to say.

It was. She says "Thanks"

and you say "I'm married"?

Yeah.

I don't want any false flirtings.

"False flirtings"?

What if you're like me?

What if you don't encourage them

and they still chase you?

It doesn't happen. Women need a reason

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote