City Slickers Page #6

There you go, Norman.

You are only down a quart.

That's really wonderful.

You got him to drink from the bottle.

Yeah, thank God,

cos my nipples were killing me.

What do you think? What would be

the perfect flavour with this meal?

- Cherry vanilla?

- No.

If it was Chinese food, right on

the money, but this... toasted almonds.

What's goin' on?

Barry can pick out the right flavour

of ice cream to follow any meal.

Go ahead.

Challenge him.

- "Challenge him"?

- Come on.

Franks and beans.

Scoop of chocolate, scoop of vanilla.

Don't waste my time.

Come on.

Push me.

- Sea bass.

- Grilled?

- Sauteed.

- I'm with ya.

Potatoes au gratin.

Asparagus.

Rum raisin.

Woof!

Woof what?

How do you know he's right?

How do we know? 1400 retail outlets

across the country. That's how we know.

Woof!

Will you stop

with Roberto Clemente?

Henry Aaron was the greatest

right fielder of our generation.

- Could he run like Clemente?

- I'm gonna say one thing to you.

755 home runs.

Goodbye.

Clemente was killed in a plane crash.

- You're gonna blame that on Aaron?

- No. I'm just saying.

- Oh, baseball.

- You got something against baseball?

I used to live with a guy who was like a

baseball encyclopaedia. I just got flashes.

- You broke up with him cos of baseball?

- Uh, no.

We had different needs. I needed him

to treat me decently and get a job.

He needed to empty

my bank account and leave.

Ouch.

- So do you hate baseball?

- No, I like baseball.

I just never understood how you guys

can spend so much time discussing it.

I've been to games,

but I don't memorise...

...who played third base

for Pittsburgh in 1960.

Don Hoak.

- Beat you.

- See, that's exactly what I mean.

So what do you and your friends

talk about out there?

Well... real life.

Relationships.

Are they working, are they not?

Who's she seeing.

Is that working?

- No contest. We win.

- Why?

Honey, if that were

as interesting as baseball...

...they'd have cards for it

and sell it with gum.

Ed, I see by the sun

it's time for you to hibernate again.

You're right, I suppose.

I guess it is childish...

...but when I was about 18...

...and my dad and I couldn't

communicate about anything at all...

...we could still talk about baseball.

Now that was real.

You know what the secret of life is?

It's this.

One thing.

Just one thing.

- And what's that?

- I have no idea.

But ask Curly cos he seems to know.

- Curly knows the secret of life?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna invite him over.

He's a very interesting guy.

I'm sure he is.

Hey, Curly.

Curly?

Curl, you got a minute?

He is a real cowboy. He sleeps with his

eyes open so he can still watch the herd.

Curl.

Curly?

Is this all right? Do you need, like, a

licence or something to bury somebody?

Nah. This is where

Curly'd wanna be buried.

He said he was a dying breed.

I didn't know he meant on this trip.

The man ate bacon at every meal.

I mean, you can't do that.

Well, I guess that's it.

Wait a minute. Shouldn't somebody

say something? Like a eulogy.

- Yeah.

- Cookie, you knew him best.

Lord, we give you Curly.

Try not to piss him off.

That's it?

What else is there?

I got chicken burning.

You're a warm man, Cookie.

Wait a second. I'll...

What can I say about Curly?

I didn't know you well,

but I'll never forget you.

You lived life on your terms -

simple, honest and brave.

I'm glad for this short time

that we spent together.

Amen.

Amen.

Do you think this is all right?

With them?

All right, listen up. Ben, I want you

to take the left flank with TR and Bonnie.

I want you three boys to ride point.

I'm gonna push with Steve, Barry and Ira.

Yeah, they're pros.

It'll be OK.

So long, cowboy.

- You know, it makes you stop and think.

- Stop the clock.

- That's 25 minutes. I win.

- Win what?

I had under a half an hour

before you started to talk about death.

Why would you think

I would talk about death?

We just came from a funeral.

And it's your favourite subject.

It is not. I think

when you see a life end...

...it's a natural time to think

about your own mortality.

No, it isn't.

Why do that to yourself?

When somebody dies,

I don't change places with him.

I appreciate the fact that I'm not dead.

Look at this. It's a beautiful day.

I'm here with my best friends.

We're driving a herd of cattle

across the plains.

Pretty goddamn great.

It's one of the best days of my life.

All right. What is the best day of your life?

- You mean ever?

- Yeah. Best day ever in your whole life.

And you can't do when your kids

were born. That's too easy.

I got one.

I'm seven years old and my dad

takes me to Yankee Stadium.

My first game.

We're going in this long,

dark tunnel underneath the stands.

I'm holding his hand and we come up

out of the tunnel into the light.

It was huge. How green

the grass was. Brown the dirt.

And that great green

copper roof. Remember?

We had a black-and-white TV, so this

was the first game I ever saw in colour.

I sat there the whole game

next to my Dad.

He taught me how to keep score.

Mickey hit one out.

- Good day.

- I still have the programme.

All right, what was

the worst day you ever had?

Worst day. A couple of years ago,

Barbara finds a lump.

- What?

- Jesus.

- It scared the sh*t out of me.

- You never said anything.

Yeah, well, it turned out to be

nothing. But that whole day was...

- Yeah, but that was a good day.

- How?

- Because it turned out to be nothing.

- Yeah, but the day until then was horrible.

Yeah, but it came out good.

You're a real "the glass is half-empty"

kind of a guy, you know that?

I don't know how Barbara can stand it.

Yeah.

All right. I got one.

My best day.

The one about Arlene

and that loose step?

No.

No, my wedding day.

- What?

- Yeah. Remember that day?

Outdoor wedding. Arlene looked great.

Those water pills really worked.

You guys are all smiling at me.

And my dad, in the front...

...gives me a little wink... you know?

I mean, he's not the warmest

of men... but he winked.

I was the first to get married

and have a real job.

I remember thinking "I'm grown-up."

You know? "I'm not a goofball

any more. I made it."

I felt like a man.

It's the best day of my life.

- What was your worst day?

- Every day since is a tie.

All right, Ed. Your best day.

What is it, twins in a trapeze?

- No, I don't wanna play.

- We did it.

I don't feel like it.

OK.

I'm 14 and my mother and

father are fighting again.

You know, because she caught

him again. Caught him!

This time, the girl drove

by the house to pick him up.

I finally realised he wasn't just cheating

on my mother. He was cheating on us.

So I told him. I said "You're bad

to us. We don't love you."

"I'll take care of my mother and my sister.

We don't need you any more."

He made like he was gonna

hit me, but I didn't budge.

Then he turned around and he left.

Never bothered us again.

But I took care of my mother

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