Clerks. Page #3

But don't look at me like

I'm the town whore, because you

were plenty busy before you met me.

Why did you suck their dick ?

Why couldn't you sleep with them

Like any other decent person ?

Because going down isn't a big deal.

I used to like a guy, we'd make out,

and sooner or later I'd go down on him.

- But l only had sex

with the guys l loved.

- l feel sick.

I love you !

Don't feel sick.

Every time l kiss you,

I'm gonna taste 36 other guys.

- I'm going to school. Maybe later

you'll be a bit more rational.

- I'm 37 ! l just can't--

Good-bye, Dante !

Hey, try not to suck any dick

on the way through the parking lot !

Hey ! Hey, you !

Get back here.

I thought that place was supposed

to be open at 11:00. it's 11:20.

I've already called his house twice.

He'll be here soon.

Hey, it's not like

it's a demanding job over there.

I'd like to get paid

to sit on my ass and watch TV.

I walked in the other day,

that son of a b*tch was sleeping.

- I'm sure he wasn't sleeping.

- Are you calling me a liar ?

- Are you calling me a liar ?

- No ! He was probably

just resting his eyes.

What the hell is that,

""resting his eyes"" ?

- Like he's some air traffic controller?

- Actually, that's his night job.

Wise ass too, huh ?

Go ahead. Keep cracking wise.

That's why you're jockeying a register

in some f***in' convenience store...

instead of working at a steady job.

I've got no time to bullshit around,

waiting for that son of a b*tch.

Make sure he gets that.

The number's 812. My name's Wynarski.

I wanted a movie tonight.

If you tell me the title of the movie,

he'll hold it for you.

Don't hurt yourself, buddy.

I'll go to Big Choice Video instead.

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

You forgot your keys.

- Guy ain't here yet.

- You're kidding ! it's almost 11:30.

- I've been here since 11:00.

- l hate it when l can't rent videos !

I would've went to Big Choice, but the

tape l want is right there on that wall.

- Which one ?

- Dental School.

You came for that too ?

That's the movie l came for.

- l have first dibs.

- Says who ?

Says me. I've been here half an hour.

I'd call that first dibs.

- Ain't gonna happen, my friend.

I'm getting that movie.

- Like hell you are.

I'll bet you 20 bucks

you don't get to rent that tape.

- Twenty bucks ?

- Twenty bucks.

All right, a**hole. You're on.

You're late.

- What the hell are you doing here ?

- The boss called. Arthur fell ill.

- Why are the shutters closed ?

- Someone jammed gum in the locks.

- Bunch of savages in this town.

- That's what l said.

If I'd known you were here,

I'd have come even later.

- What smells like shoe polish ?

- Go open the store.

-Hey, you see a set of keys around here?

-No time for love, Dr. Jones.

F***ing kids.

Some guy just came in

refusing to pay late fees.

Said the store was closed for two hours

yesterday. l tore up his membership.

Shocking abuse of authority.

I'm a firm believer

in the philosophy of a ruling class,

especially since l rule.

- [ Randal ]

Want something to drink ? I'm buying.

- [ Dante ] No, thanks.

Who was on your phone

this morning, like, 2:30 ?

- l was trying to call for half an hour.

- Why ?

I wanted to use your car.

Snack cake.

You don't wanna know.

- You call Caitlin again ?

- She called me.

- You tell Veronica ?

- One fight a day with Veronica

is all l can stomach, thanks.

- What do you fight about ?

- We don't fight about anything.

She wants me to leave here and go

back to school and get some direction.

- l bet the most frequent topic

of arguments is Caitlin Bree.

- You win.

I'm going to offer you some advice,

my friend. Let the past be the past.

Forget Caitlin Bree.

You been with Veronica how long now ?

- Seven months.

- Chick's nuts about you.

- How long you date Caitlin ?

- Five years.

Chick only made you nuts, man.

She cheated on you how many times ?

- Eight and a half.

- Eight and a half ?

Party at John Kay's, senior year;

I get blitzed, pass out in his bedroom.

-Caitlin comes in and jumps all over me.

-So that's cheating ?

- No.

In the middle of it she called me Brad.

- She called you Brad ?

That's not cheating.

People say crazy sh*t during sex.

- One time, l called this girl ""mom.""

- l hit the light, she freaks.

- She thought l was Brad Michelson.

- What do you mean ?

She was supposed to meet Brad in a

dark bedroom. She picked the wrong one.

- She didn't even know

I was at the party.

- Oh, my God.

- Great story, huh ?

- That girl was vile to you.

Interesting postscript to that story.

Do you know who wound up

in that bedroom with Brad ?

- Your mother ?

- Alan Harris.

- Chess team Alan Harris ?

- The two moved to Idaho together.

They raise sheep.

- That's frightening.

- Takes different strokes

to move the world.

In light of this lurid tale,

I don't see...

how you could romanticize

your relationship with Caitlin.

She broke your heart and inadvertently

drove men to deviant lifestyles.

There was a lot of good

in our relationship.

Aside from the cheating,

we were a great couple.

That's what high school was about:

algebra, bad lunch and infidelity.

- You think things

will be different this time ?

- They are.

When she calls me now,

she's a different person.

She's frightened, vulnerable.

She's finishing college

and about to enter the real world.

That's scary for anyone.

- Sh*t, l gotta place an order.

- Talkin' to myself here.

- I'm listening.

She's leaving college and--

- And she's looking for support.

- l think this is leading

our relationship to a new level.

- What about Veronica ?

I think the arguments Veronica and l are

having are some kind of manifestation...

of a subconscious desire

to break up with her,

so l can pursue a more meaningful

relationship with Caitlin.

- Caitlin's on the same wavelength ?

- it's safe to say yes.

- l think all four of you

better sit down and talk it over.

- All four ?

You, Veronica, Caitlin

and Caitlin's fianc.

- Do you sell video tapes ?

- Yeah. What are you looking for ?

- Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.

- Uh, one second.

I'm on the phone

with the distribution house.

Let me make sure they got it.

- What's it called again ?

- Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.

- [ Child ] Happy Scrappy--

- She loves it.

- Obviously.

This is RST Video calling.

Customer number 4352.

I'd like to place an order.

I need one each of the following tapes:

Whispers in The Wind,

To Each His Own,

Put it Where it Doesn't Belong,

My Pipes Need Cleaning,

All Tit F***ing, Volume Eight,

I Need Your Cock,

Ass Worshipping Rim Jobbers,

My C*nt And Eight Shafts,

Cum Clean, Cum Gargling Naked Sluts,

Cum Buns III,

Cumming in Socks,

Cum On ilene,

Huge Black C*cks

With Pearly White Cum,

Girls Who Crave Cock,

Girls Who Crave C*nt,

Men Alone II:
The KY Connection,

Pink P*ssy Lips,

oh, yeah, and, uh,

All Holes Filled with Hard Cock.

Yup. Oh, wait a minute.

What was that called again ?

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